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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
I’ll be in Niagara Falls when this goes live, so let me know your partner’s name in the comments and I’ll tell them you said hi.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel [in bed].
Maya Angelou
Just please your partner.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Director of Human Resources, Fox News Corp.
Good hustle with the employee separation process.
Redshirt
I wonder how hard they had to deliberate about getting rid of an employee that (not singlehandedly, but definitely driving the bus) cost the company almost a billion dollars.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
(my prediction/fantasy)
Carlson: “If you don’t do things the way I want, maybe I should just quit!”
Fox News: “Okay. Resignation accepted.”
Carlson: “Now wait. I didn’t literally mean-“
Admin: “Profile tcalrson is no longer valid.”
Redshirt
Morning (evening) folks
2Pack
Well, made it home, time to tune in to Tucker Carlson, and …
Dunstan
OH NO! THE WOKE MOB FINALLY GOT HIM!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“LET’S TAR AND VEGAN FEATHER HIM!”
-The Woke Mob
Doktor Zymm
The woke mob tried to do that to me once, but then they started arguing over whether there was a carbon-neutral alternative to tar, and I escaped while they were debating whether to do a land acknowledgment first.
Dunstan
We’ve a spate of cold weather going on here so I started a fire in the fireplace. Immediately our two dogs laid down in front of it and I thought, “How important it must be in their ancient dog brains to seek out a source of warmth”.
scotchnaut
herodotus450
Let no one (from Quebec) forget that the Lightning traded Johnathan Drouin for Mikael Sergachev
herodotus450
Are any of our Imaginary Maple Buddy-Guys old school Nordiques supporters?
King Hippo
I was one by default because I hated the Habs so much.
True Anecdote-
Michel Goulet: [on the Nords at the time and comes up to the bar for the 3rd time and orders a beer]
Me: “I guess it’s an easy two points against the Senators, huh?”
MG: [puts on his very serious face] “There are no easy, automatic wins in this league. [walks away]
Me: [mumbles under breath] “Then why are you day-drinking when you have a game in four hours?”
scotchnaut
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Hey I bought this new drying rack for our water bottles.
RTD: [seeing an opportunity] Cool, cool. Hey, how about we get rid of this burned-out candle?
DR. MRS. DEADLY: No, I want to save that.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Were you using the burned out candle to dry water bottles?
Doktor Zymm
Qaaron is following in Farvrvre’s footsteps by going to Jets, so in another 10 years we can expect one of the shithole states to sue him for being even more of a horrible human being to their residents than the state government themselves are
Doktor Zymm
“Not liking what this implies.” — Jenn Sterger
Dunstan
“If you don’t support your shitty teams and give them overpriced stadiums, you’ll lose your teams.”
Is there any doubt why baseball is a dying sport?
Redshirt
Because if there’s anything Las Vegas needs, it’s another giant building to air-condition during the hottest part of the summer.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
So the first half of this week (and then some) has been brutal.
On the upside, Bun Bun has been growing.
LongtimeLionsLoser
Types of showerbeers, ranked:
1) Post hockey
2) Post yardwork
3) Outdoor
4) Regular
Sharkbait
1a) Pre work
Mr. Ayo
So the esketamine treatments have been going very well. From what I gather, it is designed to wake up pathways and bridge gaps within my brain. I feel less anxious for the first time in years, and the ability to make worthwhile habits has returned.
Also, getting public funding for stadiums is dumb and your dumb stadiums all suck. MetLife Stadium is a staid, Brutalist cutout of crap.
I went to a Yankee game the other day on someone’s company suite tickets and the seats were fantastic. Easily the best perk was free water and peanuts, all the other shit was just noise (no I don’t want to download Uber Eats to get stuff delivered to me). They did some thing where you could scan a QR code and they would be able to transmit your phone’s camera on the big screen. I’d rather have my oscillating anus displayed in ultra HD. Every one of these stadiums is like going to a giant iPad, but I will say the lack of ads on main scoreboards is enjoyable. They also displayed the nerdy shit I enjoy (exit velo for hitters, horizonal/vertical break for pitchers) so it was an enjoyable experience overall. I just don’t care about all the things that make premium seats profitable.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
I took off a layer of skin on my palm while removing old grout, so now I have the dilemma of whether or not I should bail on the project until it heals (like a week) or just soldier on through it. I guess I’ll try to keep working left-handed and see how that goes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki, ten minutes later (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Leave it to the French to produce a car [the Citroen c3] that’s great for fucking and absolutely nothing else.
ballsofsteelandfury
Looking at Will Levis’s party I have some question about where they were on 1/6.
Horatio Cornblower
That Make-A-Wish kid is not only announcing the Jets draft pick, he is the Jets draft pick.
Horatio Cornblower
Team that does things THE RIGHT WAY builds through the lines THE RIGHT WAY
Doktor Zymm
“I blew through many lines.”
-Lawrence Taylor, between sniffles
LongtimeLionsLoser
Fuck my life.
That is all.
LongtimeLionsLoser
“Oh, your life…sorry about that.” – Zach Wilson, climbing out the window of the room where the mother of your children sleeps
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
The Bears draft an O-lineman to help Strawberry Fields nawt die? I am flabbergasted by the sensibleness!
Doktor Zymm
“You know what they say about a melted clock.”
-T. Green
scotchnaut
With Ridder at QB, Atlanta’s gonna see more men in the box than Houston’s casting agent.
SonOfSpam
April 27, 2023 7:07 pm
BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WCS
April 27, 2023 7:07 pm
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SonOfSpam
April 27, 2023 7:07 pm
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Horatio Cornblower
Just back from my monthly poker tournament. New guy got out to a big lead, then announced he had to get home because his wife didn’t know where he was, then started calling anything without looking at his cards. And he could. not. lose. Knocked me out (Q-10 suited, 3,000+ in chips with 600 big blinds), when his 6-4 hit, then knocked a bigger stack out when he didn’t look at his cards until after the river and turned over two pair.
He wasn’t acting maliciously, and pretty sure just super awkward, but oh my god I can’t think of a better way to never be invited back than playing like that and winning.
So, how about those Bruins?
Horatio Cornblower
Christ, you live in New England. You know what to do. Tie him up, throw him in the pond, and see if he floats, sheesh.
Gumbygirl
This week’s survival guide can be summed up, as from my 1990’s first aid course:
R rest
I ice
C Compression
E elevation
Game Time Decision
RICED. D for Drugs.
Gumbygirl
wipes away tear of pride
King Hippo
We are live for the first potentially series clinching version of Release the Kraken!
Mr. Ayo
Chateau du Lapin has arrived for Bun Bun.
LongtimeLionsLoser
With its tenant.
LongtimeLionsLoser
I can’t tell if the Bucs are drafting people or keep getting awful letters in Scrabble.
NT Calijah Kancy
OT Cody Mauch
DE Yaya Diaby
LB SirVocea Dennis
WCS
You’d think that Andy would be the one drafting a guy with a porcine-adjacent name like Sidy Sow.
Welcome aboard, son. Can you hook your coach up with some sweet, sweet baby backs?
scotchnaut
Sow: “Uh, coach, I think there’s been a misunderstand….”
Reid (singing): “I WANT MY BABY BACK BABY BACK BABY BACK, I WANT MY BABY BACK BABY BACK BABY BACK….”
Mahomes (sighing): “Forget it, rookie, the only thing to do now is get ready to sing the backup vocals.”
Dunstan
My daughter said that the guy making the pick for the Texans looks like he got lost looking for an Olive Garden and was suddenly shoved on stage with a card and told to read it.
Horatio Cornblower
Up early to get smacked around by the lovely Rebecca Lowe’s Crystal Palace. Although Moyes FINALLY sat Benrahma down for Fornals (seriously, watch Matip’s winner against us on Wednesday. Benrahma is the frosty haired guy that lets him run absolutely free in the box) so our attack might have a bit more fizz and pop than usual today.
I was driving Uber last night when the message came down from my son’s coach that today’s away soccer game (in freaking Richmond! GAH! That’s 2 hours away) has been cancelled. [does Carlton Dance] So now I’m waiting for this rough customer to wake up so I can make him French Toast and listen to the rain fall. Let’s go Hammers!!
Fronkenshteen
My daughter gets home tonight from a wedding, (not hers), and I tell her I need to talk to her. With my hands clearly holding something behind my back I tell her “Your mother and I talked and we want to say that if you’re going to pursue this lifestyle (picture 22-year-old with horrified ‘what the fuck are you talking about’ look on her face HERE) we want you to understand that there are rules, important rules, that you need to follow, and that if you don’t study and understand those rules there will be serious consequences. So we got you this, you fucking nerd.”
Then I handed her the Dungeons & Dragons Player’s Handbook I bought her, since today was Independent Bookstore Day and she’s getting into D&D. I swear she thought I’d gone Born Again and was about to give her a Bible. Haven’t had that much fun since she went to see ‘It’ and Mrs. Horatio and I bought a red balloon and tied it to her bed.
The radon count in my nursing home is going to set records.
Horatio Cornblower
Here’s a fast food question. Everyone knows CFA is #1 in fast food homophobia, for sure… but as someone who’s never had it, is their chicken sandwich genuinely worth the hype?
The Maestro
Their chicken could taste like Valhalla but I wouldn’t know cuz I won’t eat anything from that Bible thumping, lifestyle denying franchise ever again. Just one man’s opinion..
yeah right
Biden is doing pretty well at the Correspondents’ Dinner.
Had a good jab at MTG.
SonOfSpam
“Good to see the cable news networks here…MSNBC is here, owned by NBC Universal…Fox News, owned by Dominion Voting Systems…”
SonOfSpam
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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