HRTN Special: The Boys of Summer (Part Two)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 21, 2020August 21, 2020

The scene: A lush tropical paradise! Actually a clearing in the midst of the tropical lushness, with a corrugated steel hut, a hastily-constructed workbench, a still and The Maestro. The Maestro is currently hard at work on the still, since failure to do so might well result in an unhappy

There’s Safety In Safeties: Your Seattle Team Preview For 2020

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 20, 2020August 19, 2020

Cookiethulhu here! It seems as if Beastmode Ate My Baby was supposed to do this year’s preview of the Seattle football team, but he decided to bugger off for parts unknown instead. Quite rude, I must say. So with the assignment pending, I offered to step in and write it up

HRTN Special: The Boys of Summer (Part One)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 14, 2020August 12, 2020

The scene: A pleasant beach. The surf is quietly rolling in, seagulls can be heard in the distance, and a gentle breeze moves the palm fronds to and fro. And in the midst of this pleasant scene sits Satan. He’s stretched out on a folding beach chair, sipping from a

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 118)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 7, 2020August 5, 2020

The scene: Doktor Zymm’s RV, which is rapidly plunging towards the earth. PK is plastered across the windshield, holding on for dear life as his man-bun bobs in the wind. Inside the RV, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Future Clone Debbie Harry are frantically trying to figure out how to avoid crashing. Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (pushing

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 117)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 31, 2020July 29, 2020

The scene: The Iguana Mart of the future, where Beerguyrob is pushing (or rather, steering) his megacart through the aisles, accompanied by the amorphous yellow blob known as Lemonjello. The megacart is over half full, which is amazing when you consider the fact that you could basically stuff a Lotus

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 116)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 24, 2020July 24, 2020

The scene: The Iguana Mart, where WCS and Mr. Ayo are grabbing a frosty beverage at a Tiki bar. Brick Meathook is seated with them, wearing a straw hat and sunglasses. He’s still unconscious, courtesy of Future Clone Lynda Carter and her bag full of Diggler’s Donuts. Mr. Ayo: So in

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 115)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 17, 2020July 15, 2020

The scene: The main Diggler’s office, circa 1975. The company’s vice-president is walking to the main laboratory. He’s wearing a brown suit with an orange tie, because it’s 1975. He also has big sideburns and a bushy mustache. Again, 1975. Oh, and of course he’s smoking. It’s 1975, people. He also

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 114)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 10, 2020July 10, 2020

The scene: The parking lot area of the Iguana Mart of the future! Future Clone Lynda Carter has just exited in pursuit of her nemesis, Future Clone Debbie Harry, and is even now scanning the lot. But finding a single person amid the thronging masses of humans, mutants, aliens, chimpanzees,

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 113)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - July 3, 2020July 1, 2020

The scene: The Iguana Mart of the future, where Covalent Blonde is currently looking with regret at the ‘Blonde Fury’ truck as an Iguana Mart sales associate, recently recovering from a royal knee to the groinular area, gives her the bad news about Future Clone Debbie Harry. Sales Associate: So

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 112)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - June 26, 2020June 26, 2020

The scene: The Iguana Mart of the future! Covalent Blonde, in the ‘Blonde Fury’ monster truck, is just pulling up to a side entrance. The truck is wet, having just gone through a drive-thru wash. Unfortunately, as they were in the open bed of the truck, Brick Meathook and Mr.