Author: The Maestro

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Anglo-Zanzibar War

The Maestro -
20

So Johnny, what are your draft plans this year? Well, Jim, I can tell you this: the highest-ranking Ohio State player on the board whenever possible. Bastard. They didn't even make the Playoff this year. Oh, and you guys did? That's news to me. Haven't even won a bowl game in god knows

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Basus War

The Maestro -
8

Jim, I'm out of game tape to watch. It's a travesty. I decided that since I've now watched literally all of football in the history of the sport, I had time to go back and balance some of my accounts dating back to my grade school days. You owe me...

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Flagstaff War

The Maestro -
46

This corona thing feels like a stalemate this week, Jim. It's affecting all of us - hell, even my own productivity is down. Speaking of stalemates, Johnny, did you know that since overtime was added to NFL rules in 1974, there have been only 25 games that ended in a tie? What

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Paraguayan War

The Maestro -
51

John, I'm so bored. This corona stuff sucks. I feel you Jim. It's getting to the point of re-watching old games just to feel something. Anything, really. Remember Super Bowl XXIV, Johnny? Sure do, brother. Montana's finest game. Those Broncos, man. What a shitshow. Took a long time to recover from that. Just like Paraguay in

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Nika Riots

The Maestro -
9

John, gotta say: all this virus stuff is making me think we might not get to be out there on the gridiron for quite a while. I'm worried too, brother. What's it gonna take? I mean, you know better than anyone that I've spent days at a time in the film

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The War of the Stray Dog

The Maestro -
32

Jim, what's the deal with you these days? Why haven't you been up working out with me at 4 in the morning like we normally do? Ah, Johnny, it's the damn dogs. Wife thinks she's got corona, so it's been up to me to take 'em out for walks. No excuse,

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Pastry War

The Maestro -
3

[source] I'm concerned about all my guys' offseason training regimes, Jim. I don't think they're listening. John, it's always harder with the pro guys. At least you can always have the looming possibility of scholarship loss if your guys don't follow along the menu of pure grizzly bear blood and raw eggs. You

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Great Emu War

The Maestro -
4

Hey, John - you know anything about emus? Big, dumb, stupid, but fast. Kinda like your average Raiders draft pick at receiver, I guess? OK, good to know. I once heard from one of my spies monitoring Urban Meyer that he was thinking about recruiting one for special teams. I'm kinda thinking

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Transnistrian War

The Maestro -
9

Jim, I want to cut you a deal. Next time we have a family touch football game, I promise I won't chop-block you in the kidneys... Deal. ... more than four times. John, if that's the kind of deal we're brokering, I promise I won't steal your gallbladder and pancreas when you have

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Battle of Karansebes

The Maestro -
17

Jim, I bet you're getting excited for your spring game already. Nothing like a little in-team offence vs. defence rivalry to get the blood flowing on a new season. You said it, brother of mine. I will say that the one downside is that they won't let us incorporate fireworks into

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Opium Wars

The Maestro -
23

I did it, John! At last! You won't believe it! Did what, Jim? I cured one of my players' painkiller addictions. With just my mind.  Bullshit, Jim. You definitely did not. It's true! All I had to do was offer him a vacation to China if he stopped popping pills. We have a booster who's

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Chincha Islands War

The Maestro -
17

Niners lost the Super Bowl again, Jimbo. How you feeling? The booby traps worked! I knew that the homemade Bluetooth-enabled fireworks I rigged up in the Shanahan kid's office would do the trick to destroy only the fun parts of the playbook. Yeah, Jed York was pretty pissed about the damage to