Cocktails of the NFC

Unless otherwise specified, the mixing instructions for all these drinks are the same. Put in glass, maybe with some ice if you’re fancy, drink.

NFC EAST

The Giants

1/4 oz Creme de Violette

3/4 oz Blue Curacao

1 Grape Capri Sun (Eli’s favorite)

2 oz gin

The Eagles

1 Mickey’s Grenade

2 oz Absinthe

Pour over snow cone, throw at Santa

The Redskins

6 oz Wine from the Burgundy region of France

1 oz Goldschlager

The blood of Dan Snyder

The Cowboys

1 part Mercury

1 part Blue fluid from a sanitary napkin commercial

The NFC North

The Packers

2 oz Midori

1 oz Cheez Whiz

Float the Cheez Whiz in the Midori, share the drink with 360,000 other “owners”

The Bears

1 package Berry Blue jello

One bottle of Mike Ditka “The Player” Merlot

Vodka

Make Jello shots with the above ingredients. Serve in orange halves.

The Vikings

1 bottle Purple cough syrup

1 handful purple Jolly Ranchers

1 bottle Coca-cola

Mix together, serve with Lutefisk

The Lions

1 oz Bacardi Silver

1 oz Blue Curacao

Drink in a run down house you bought for $2000

The NFC South

The Saints

1 bottle Chocolate Stout

1 oz Kinky Gold Liqueur

Rim glass with Cajun Spice. Drink until you wake up with a stranger in your bed and say “Who Dat?”

The Falcons

Cranberry Juice

Alize

Hair of a murdered dog

The Buccaneers

MRSA

Red Rum

Cherry Kool-Aid

The Pathers

1 oz Blue Curacao (Too many teams in this league have blue as a team color)

Patron Silver

Fig Newton

Peter King’s scorn (optional, for QBs)

The NFC West

The Seahawks

Skittlebrau. Nuff said.

The Rams

Blueberry Jam

2 oz Bacardi Gold

3 wasted 1st round draft picks from Washington

The 49rs

1 oz Smirnoff Gold Vodka (Also lots of teams with gold as a color, though for the 49rs it makes sense)

1 oz Goldschlager

1 oz Gosling’s Gold Seal rum

1 oz Campari

Chug, throw empty glass at the head of a Raiders fan.

The Cardinals

1 oz Tequila

6 oz Tomato juice

Drink with a confused resident of St. Louis