The season is winding down and there are only 5 rounds left!  The battle for the top eight spots, which entitle a club to finals footy, is intense.  How did our favorite teams do this weekend?  Let’s dig in, shall we?

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

The round started off on Friday night (Friday morning for us in the US) with a top eight clash of the Hawthorn Hawks, the defending champs, against the Richmond Tigers, plucky upstarts that have been on a roll lately and pushed themselves into a finals spot.  This was viewed as a real test of Richmond’s credentials as Hawthorn has been demolishing teams lately and look set to three-peat (Fuck your trademark, Pat Riley!)  Well,

Richmond started out hot, withstood a second quarter rally, took the lead again in the third term, and cruised home to a three-goal victory.  In the process, they held the Hawks to their lowest point total of the season.  The Tigers had a bit of tough luck early with this kick that looked to be a certain goal (worth 6 points) but that died on the line and ended up being pushed for a behind (worth only 1 point).

The whereabouts of Tom Brady are unknown.  I had no idea he was a Hawks fan either! The Tigers had much better luck with this block and goal:

There was also this behind the back beauty under pressure:

All in all, Richmond proved that they belong in the top tier of teams.  They will be a tough out for anyone facing them in the finals.  The next day, my beloved Geelong Cats (Saturday afternoon in Australia, Friday night here) faced the lowly Brisbane Lions at home. In case you are not aware, some of us have adopted AFL teams.  Also, some of us actually LIVE in Australia (Hi WhyEaglesWhy!) or have lived there (Hi Sill!), so they have their own teams.  Here is a listing of our fans so far:

Kommenter – Team

WhyEaglesWhy – Port Adelaide

Sill Bimmons – Sydney Swans

King Hippo – Carlton Blues

SunriseSunrise – North Melbourne Kangaroos

Balls of Steel – Geelong Cats

As for the game, the Cats took care of business in a dominating fashion by nearly doubling up the Lions 113-57.  No, I refuse to make a Cecil the Lion joke.  Here is Geelong getting off to a super fast start with a goal in the first 16 seconds:

Stevie J would add more to pass Geelong legend Billy Brownless for third on the all-time Cats goal-scoring list.

Later on Friday night, the Collingwood Magpies faced the Melbourne Demons in what looked to be the match that would break their five-game losing streak.

The Demons made sure it was six defeats in a row for the Magpies as they soundly defeated them by 37.

It wouldn’t be a Collingwood game without a fight either in the stands or on the field (think Raiders)

but did you notice how the refs pretty much said, “Ok, break it up dipshits!  It’s halftime and I’ve gotta pee!”   Reason #520 the AFL is better than the NFL.

Melbourne’s Jesse Hogan scored a great goal here with the Collingwood defender draped all over him:

The Magpies’ season is now circling the drain (in the opposite direction as us!  Or is that a modern myth?).  For a team that was in the top eight for almost the entire year, this freefall is Klassic Cowboys in December-esque.

The next game featured the reeling but still in the top eight Sydney Swans against the resurgent Adelaide Crows.  The Crows had responded well after the sudden and tragic murder of their coach.  This was a good opportunity for them to climb back into the top eight against a quality side and show they are contenders.

Sydney thoroughly dominated the Crows en route to a 52 point beating.  This takes the Crows back out of the top eight with some difficult games to come and some big questions being asked as to how far they can go this year.  Here is Sydney’s great start with a goal by Lewis Jetta:

Did you notice something?  There was a celebration of scoring a goal and the refs did not penalize him and the world continued as before.  Reason #792 the AFL is better than the NFL  Don’t get me wrong, this is not a comment on football.  It’s a comment on the organizations that put on their respective games and how the AFL is run by much more competent people than the NFL.

Here is the Swans’ Lance “Buddy” Franklin doing what he does best:

You may have noticed a “50” painted on the turf.  That is a 50 meter (Hi Trevour!) line which is roughly 55 yards.  He kicked that from quite a bit behind that line and the ball landed beyond the goal line.  That’s probably a 70 yard kick.  Which he did casually like it was no big deal.  WITH HIS LEFT FOOT.

Late Friday night/early Saturday morning brought two more games:  the King Hippo-SunriseSunrise clash of Carlton vs North Melbourne and the expected walkover of 2nd place West Coast Eagles against the 2nd to last Gold Coast Suns.  SunriseSunrise has bragging rights this week as the Kangaroos took care of the Blues by 64.  To be fair, this entire season has been a disaster for the Blues.  They fired their coach midway and then looked good for a bit, but it looks like the boys are packing it in with only five games left.  Next season looks promising though, and the AFL has a similar system where the final standings dictate draft position, so help may also be coming in the form of a high draft pick.

Here is a pretty mark from Carlton’s Blaine Boekhorst:

And then we get to the expected walkover. Well,

and no one expected a tie either.  Yes, Donovan, they have ties here too.  Do yourself a favor and watch the last two minutes:

Saturday night (Sunday in Australia) brought three games to close out the round.  In the first game, the Port Adelaide Power sought to keep its slim finals hopes alive by beating the plucky St. Kilda Saints.  Yes, the Saint Kilda Saints’ song is Oh When the Saints go Marching In, why do you ask?  The Saints didn’t get a chance to sing it this week as the Power powered through (I’m sorry) a convincing win.  Here is tough little dribbler goal from a difficult angle from the Power’s Justin Westhoff:

In the second game, the Western Bulldogs were looking to solidify their top eight position against the down-on-their-luck Essendon Bombers.  The Doggies easily, like REALLY easily, handled Essendon and are now looking at possibly getting into the top four.  Here is a beauty mark from Western’s Easton Wood  (heh wood):

I would not be surprised if some douchebag softball bro hasn’t named his bat Easton Wood already.

In the final game of the round, the league-leading Fremantle Dockers hosted the GWS (Greater Western Sydney) Giants.  The Giants had just been knocked out of the top eight after losing to Geelong last week and had a tough task ahead of them facing the #1 in their house.  They fought hard, but the Dockers were too much for the Giants and the Dockers won by 21.   Here is the type of teamwork that has taken this team to the top:

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?