Your Late Afternoon Game Thread (No Pants Allowed)

Mia @ Jax: Oh, to be in Florida watching a football game. Eh, my couch is just as nice. Miami gutted out a win last week while the Jags QB Bortled his way to just over 50% passing, 2 intercepts and 5 sackeroos. Jax is worried about a man named Suh. As well they should-I’ve no doubt that he will tear the head off an opposing O-lineman, stuff it down his pants and say “get a load of THIS package” to the Jax cheerleaders, causing several of them to faint. It’s bound to happen.

Bal @ Oak: The Suggster is gone for the year. He’s off to winter in Paris I’m told. This game has ugly written all over it. Raven rook DE Davis graded out as the 2nd best pass rusher at his position last week. The only guy in front of him was Aniston-lover JJ Watt. Raiders are missing their starting safeties for this game. That doesn’t sound good. A film guy studied Cooper in his pro debut (5 grabs for 47) and says he mitted 5 of 6 catchable balls and was open on 67% of the routes he ran. Film guy says there’s only so much you can do with Carr as your QB.

Dal @ Phi: Dez is gone for 4 months so now it’s Cole Beasley’s Time To Shine! And he’s gonna shine like a crazy diamond up until the moment he’s concussed. The Cowboys have won their last three in Philly. Murray ran for 9 whole yards last week. If you take away the 2 TDs he scored that’s one hell of a lousy day. Byron Maxwell, DB for the Eagles gets to cover not Julio Jones (that was last week) and not Dez Bryant this week. He is listed as “hopeful” with a shattered ego for this game.

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ProzacElf

“If he has time, he is going to hold the ball *mumble mumble*”

I’ll assume he was implying that Romo would hold the ball until the end of the universe if given the adequate protection?

Also, this commercial with Peyton Manning “speaking Chinese” sounds more like “Peyton Manning talking with his mouth full.”

Sharkbait

Coming from Aikman, an expert an holding balls

Dick E. Phuck

Nate Newton is an expert on 8-balls.

Dick E. Phuck

I mean Michael Irvin.

Romonobyl

I’m really in the mood for endless flags. Guess I picked the right game.

Spur

I have dreams that I’m falling but Jason Witten is always there to catch me.

Romonobyl

You’re supposed to end that with “no homo”.

Dick E. Phuck

Look on the bright side Eagles fans, at least your team is in the running for the 2008 BCS national championship.

Smithchez

Womp womp Miami

fleshwound_NPG

DAL/PHI is what tirefires aspire to

Spur

Kiko Alonso hurt? GTFO

Gratliff

Kiko out with a knee injury. ALFKJA:LKSJFA:LKJF FUCK THIS

Spur

Sam Bradford looks a backup punter.

bloodyhandedgod

The movement I have planned for halftime will far surpass Eagles / Cowboys

Gratliff

Kill Sam, DeMarco. It’s what jesus would do.

Romonobyl

Draft Kings commercial…DRINK!!!!

/dies

John Difool

Zach Ertz is clearly trying to knock Mike Hunt out of the running for next Porky’s movie…..

Gratliff

Yay. Off work. Time for football. Also, FUCKING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dick E. Phuck

Sean Lee hasn’t spontaneously combusted on the field yet? What kind of bizarro world is this? A healthy Sean Lee and Kiko Alonso?!?!?

Romonobyl

And out Alonso goes…

Sharkbait

You were saying about Alonso?

Dick E. Phuck

Speak of the devil.

fleshwound_NPG

PUNTKKAKE

Sharkbait

And here come the batteries…

Sill Bimmons

WE NEED WHITEY FORD

fleshwound_NPG

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

tundrajim

Chip Kelly has figured out how to keep Sam Bradford injury-free, by making sure the Eagles offense is never on the field.

Romonobyl
ProzacElf

Couldn’t happen. I’ve barely been watching, is Dallas just hobbled without Dez? If Atlanta could smack Philly’s D around you’d think the Cowboys could manage to score more than a FG….

Spur

Bench McNabb!!!!!!!!!!

JustStopDude

Its weird seeing Bradford in an Eagles uniform…

and you know…not on crutches…

ProzacElf

On the plus side, the baseball Cardinals can’t appear to throw a strike and the Cubs injured their catcher.

JustStopDude

Fan Duels have made my Sundays a lot more exciting. I ended up stealing from my employer and got fired to feed my gambling addiction.

I now give handies behind the 7-11 for gambling money.

Bortleback

So you’re definitely #upforwhatever?

nomonkeyfun

Youah can get’er money foah givin handies.

Nowah someone tells me.

Can it be behind a packie.

/no homo

Romonobyl

This DAL/PHI game is one more punt away from creating nature’s first total vacuum.

John Difool

Romp steps back into the shotgun so far…. he’s way back before gunpowder was even invented,

Spur

Let’s see if the Eagles continue to run down the middle with zero blocks.

Sill Bimmons

MIA/JAX almost at the half already.

Smithchez

Fucka you, Dorphin!!!

Sill Bimmons

I OLDEL THE SHITTY BEEF AND YOU GIVE ME THE SHITTY CHICKEN

Lord Joe Don Looney

Until you do it, you just don’t know.

Great insight from Troy “Mush for Brains” Akiens

Bortleback

“Future CTE Statistic” might be a more accurate nickname

laserguru

One important lesson kids.
Don’t
Get
Eliminated!!!

Sill Bimmons

Too
Late!!

JustStopDude

Get your batteries here, Ds, Cs, even AA for the kids. batteries, get your batteries here. Prime tossing material

nomonkeyfun

“We’ve also got AAA’s for the crips. We can still call them that, right Tony?”

“Naw man, they’re the spazzes now.”

“Thanks man. I wouldn’t want to get into trouble with a colored judge.”

Sill Bimmons

I’m saving mine for the Pope.

Dick E. Phuck

Don’t underestimate the power of AAAs, they can really bring the pain if you aim it at the correct spots.

Badger

Cowboys ain’t no America’s Team fucker.

Sill Bimmons

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Zack Ertz.

Zack Ertz who?

I have chlamydia, so my Zack Ertz.

John Difool

BOOOOOOOOOOO

nomonkeyfun

I have a dilemma. I just an out of beer, should I put pants on for the first time today and get more, or should I just go get more without the pants.

PS. Can I count on any members of DFO LLP to represent me in the event of an indecent exposure/ public drunkenness charge?

JustStopDude

I live Randy Moss as a commentator more than I liked him as a player. Not sure what it is, but I find his voice soothing.

I would like to have a book on tape narrated by him.

Dick E. Phuck

A truly disgusting act by Randy Moss.

bloodyhandedgod

Terrance Williams. Our top receiver.
Seems strange how this came aboot.

Dick E. Phuck

Double amputees have stronger arms than Bradford.

hippofant

Well sure, cuz they have fucking ROBOT ARMS.

fleshwound_NPG

I do not know I can take back-to-back years of Cowboy competence.
But I CAN tolerate the horrible, inevitable Chip Kelly collapse/firing happening by Week 9.

John Difool

I have no problem with Aikman constantly going down on Romo because I’m open-minded and tolerant of other lifestyles and shit but I’d at least like to see him take a money-shot before halftime.

litre_cola

With Buck on the call?

Sill Bimmons

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Smithchez

Blake Bortles Bombs Befuddle Bottlenoses!

Dick E. Phuck

Aldon Smith is a Raider. How appropriate.

JustStopDude

Holy shit I completely forgot that Jack Del Rio was coaching the Raiders.

litre_cola

I dont know about you but god damn Tony Soprano burying a football last year got them fired up!

Sill Bimmons

The Raiders have a coach?

laserguru

Damn it feels good to get the win.
Let’s get this party started.
Hell yes.

Sill Bimmons

BREAK UP THE BORTLESES