Mia @ Jax: Oh, to be in Florida watching a football game. Eh, my couch is just as nice. Miami gutted out a win last week while the Jags QB Bortled his way to just over 50% passing, 2 intercepts and 5 sackeroos. Jax is worried about a man named Suh. As well they should-I’ve no doubt that he will tear the head off an opposing O-lineman, stuff it down his pants and say “get a load of THIS package” to the Jax cheerleaders, causing several of them to faint. It’s bound to happen.
Bal @ Oak: The Suggster is gone for the year. He’s off to winter in Paris I’m told. This game has ugly written all over it. Raven rook DE Davis graded out as the 2nd best pass rusher at his position last week. The only guy in front of him was Aniston-lover JJ Watt. Raiders are missing their starting safeties for this game. That doesn’t sound good. A film guy studied Cooper in his pro debut (5 grabs for 47) and says he mitted 5 of 6 catchable balls and was open on 67% of the routes he ran. Film guy says there’s only so much you can do with Carr as your QB.
Dal @ Phi: Dez is gone for 4 months so now it’s Cole Beasley’s Time To Shine! And he’s gonna shine like a crazy diamond up until the moment he’s concussed. The Cowboys have won their last three in Philly. Murray ran for 9 whole yards last week. If you take away the 2 TDs he scored that’s one hell of a lousy day. Byron Maxwell, DB for the Eagles gets to cover not Julio Jones (that was last week) and not Dez Bryant this week. He is listed as “hopeful” with a shattered ego for this game.
“If he has time, he is going to hold the ball *mumble mumble*”
I’ll assume he was implying that Romo would hold the ball until the end of the universe if given the adequate protection?
Also, this commercial with Peyton Manning “speaking Chinese” sounds more like “Peyton Manning talking with his mouth full.”
Coming from Aikman, an expert an holding balls
Nate Newton is an expert on 8-balls.
I mean Michael Irvin.
I’m really in the mood for endless flags. Guess I picked the right game.
I have dreams that I’m falling but Jason Witten is always there to catch me.
You’re supposed to end that with “no homo”.
Look on the bright side Eagles fans, at least your team is in the running for the 2008 BCS national championship.
Womp womp Miami
DAL/PHI is what tirefires aspire to
Kiko (as per usual) is a no-go.
Kiko Alonso hurt? GTFO
Kiko out with a knee injury. ALFKJA:LKSJFA:LKJF FUCK THIS
Sam Bradford looks a backup punter.
The movement I have planned for halftime will far surpass Eagles / Cowboys
Kill Sam, DeMarco. It’s what jesus would do.
Draft Kings commercial…DRINK!!!!
/dies
Zach Ertz is clearly trying to knock Mike Hunt out of the running for next Porky’s movie…..
Yay. Off work. Time for football. Also, FUCKING BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sean Lee hasn’t spontaneously combusted on the field yet? What kind of bizarro world is this? A healthy Sean Lee and Kiko Alonso?!?!?
And out Alonso goes…
You were saying about Alonso?
Speak of the devil.
PUNTKKAKE
And here come the batteries…
WE NEED WHITEY FORD
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Chip Kelly has figured out how to keep Sam Bradford injury-free, by making sure the Eagles offense is never on the field.
OPI!?!? It’s time…
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31Nx2wMIQaL._AA160_.jpg
Philly fans booing their team. Who da thunk?
Couldn’t happen. I’ve barely been watching, is Dallas just hobbled without Dez? If Atlanta could smack Philly’s D around you’d think the Cowboys could manage to score more than a FG….
Bench McNabb!!!!!!!!!!
Its weird seeing Bradford in an Eagles uniform…
and you know…not on crutches…
On the plus side, the baseball Cardinals can’t appear to throw a strike and the Cubs injured their catcher.
Fan Duels have made my Sundays a lot more exciting. I ended up stealing from my employer and got fired to feed my gambling addiction.
I now give handies behind the 7-11 for gambling money.
So you’re definitely #upforwhatever?
Youah can get’er money foah givin handies.
Nowah someone tells me.
Can it be behind a packie.
/no homo
This DAL/PHI game is one more punt away from creating nature’s first total vacuum.
Romp steps back into the shotgun so far…. he’s way back before gunpowder was even invented,
Let’s see if the Eagles continue to run down the middle with zero blocks.
MIA/JAX almost at the half already.
Fucka you, Dorphin!!!
I OLDEL THE SHITTY BEEF AND YOU GIVE ME THE SHITTY CHICKEN
Until you do it, you just don’t know.
Great insight from Troy “Mush for Brains” Akiens
“Future CTE Statistic” might be a more accurate nickname
One important lesson kids.
Don’t
Get
Eliminated!!!
Too
Late!!
http://i416.photobucket.com/albums/pp245/teh_shokoi/mxc.gif
Get your batteries here, Ds, Cs, even AA for the kids. batteries, get your batteries here. Prime tossing material
“We’ve also got AAA’s for the crips. We can still call them that, right Tony?”
“Naw man, they’re the spazzes now.”
“Thanks man. I wouldn’t want to get into trouble with a colored judge.”
I’m saving mine for the Pope.
Don’t underestimate the power of AAAs, they can really bring the pain if you aim it at the correct spots.
Cowboys ain’t no America’s Team fucker.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Zack Ertz.
Zack Ertz who?
I have chlamydia, so my Zack Ertz.
BOOOOOOOOOOO
I have a dilemma. I just an out of beer, should I put pants on for the first time today and get more, or should I just go get more without the pants.
PS. Can I count on any members of DFO LLP to represent me in the event of an indecent exposure/ public drunkenness charge?
I live Randy Moss as a commentator more than I liked him as a player. Not sure what it is, but I find his voice soothing.
I would like to have a book on tape narrated by him.
A truly disgusting act by Randy Moss.
Terrance Williams. Our top receiver.
Seems strange how this came aboot.
Double amputees have stronger arms than Bradford.
Well sure, cuz they have fucking ROBOT ARMS.
I do not know I can take back-to-back years of Cowboy competence.
But I CAN tolerate the horrible, inevitable Chip Kelly collapse/firing happening by Week 9.
I have no problem with Aikman constantly going down on Romo because I’m open-minded and tolerant of other lifestyles and shit but I’d at least like to see him take a money-shot before halftime.
With Buck on the call?
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120327205435/simpsons/images/f/f0/Fight!_Fight!_Fight!_etc..gif
Leftover steak, garlic brats and fried taters. Ain’t life good?
Blake Bortles Bombs Befuddle Bottlenoses!
Aldon Smith is a Raider. How appropriate.
Holy shit I completely forgot that Jack Del Rio was coaching the Raiders.
I dont know about you but god damn Tony Soprano burying a football last year got them fired up!
The Raiders have a coach?
Damn it feels good to get the win.
Let’s get this party started.
Hell yes.
BREAK UP THE BORTLESES