Week Five of the season is upon us. Behold the 506 maps. Subject to change as always, but I will post the updated one Sunday morning.
4 teams on Byes this week, Panthers, Dolphins, Vikings and Jets (I suppose this behooves me to write an update, I will endeavor to do so this week).
Prime time games are as follow:
TNF: Colts-Texans
SNF: 49ers-Giants
MNF: Steelers-Chargers
None of these teams are above .500 right now. In fact, we have 11 teams at 2-2, 11 at 1-3, 1 at 1-2, and 1 at 0-4, league-wide. Ah, the unintentional consequences of increasing parity…
As for Sunday’s games we have a 8:3 split. There has been a significant amount of imbalance between the amount of early and late afternoon games this season.
CBS early features Rams-Packers throughout most of the country. I would not be surprised if the Rams win this because of Jeff Fisher’s savant abilities against superior teams. Of course this will start a five game losing streak against the Browns, 9ers, Vikings, Bear, and Ravens, with inexplicable wins against the Bengals and Cardinals to follow. Jags-Bucs is merciful limited to redneck-Florida with a dash of SE Georgia and Alabama thrown in. Browns-Ravens have a square. Bills-Titans are in their native markets, plus Houston and Oregon. Sorry OSZ and DFO Oregonians you are condemned to Titans games throughout the year.
CBS Late features, Patriots-Cowboys throughout the bulk of the country. I hope Jerry pumps in nerve gas in Jerry World to eliminate everyone. Romo will be safe and sound in Jerry’s Whore Bunker. Do it Jerry, then you can kill Goodell and seize the Commissionership for yourself (a la Bud Selig). Your blood-crusades against Snyder and the Maras would be epic. You could ensure the Cowboys have a billion dollar payroll and always go 19-0. Broncos-Raiders are in most of the plains states and central Pacific. There is also an exclave from Fort Wayne to Knoxville.
Fox early features Seahawks-Bengals in most of the West, Northeast, and parts of the Midwest. Saints-Iggles is limited to their native markets plus Orlando. I guess Disney is promoting a new Battery-Toss ride. Bears-Chiefs is in the Upper Midwest. [*Redacted] s-Falcons is in the Eastern Confederacy, with most of Texas and Oklahoma and South Florida (but why not more of redneck Florida?).
As the lone Fox late game, Cards-Lions is aptly this weeks FEMA quarantine map game. The Lions are an infectious disease this season and must be contained at all costs.
Florida wins this weeks Holy Roman Empire state award with a random spattering of the Falcons, Cards, Seahawks and Saints games.
Enjoy.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6gm41n3QJ1qevo2jo3_250.gif
Hockey season begins!
There is a player for Toronto whose last name is Bozak. If that doesn’t get you excited about hockey, I dont want to know you.
Fox is probably pissed that those foreigners at CBS are stealing their jerbs again, this time the StL/GB game.
I like that the Navajo nation (AZ) gets Seahawks/Bengals instead of their “local” Cardinals broadcast. I’m sure the feds who line this shit up meant well be being like, “Oh yeah, the Seahawks logo is totally indian.” but ultimately the broadcast is just Troy, Joe, and pile of blankets.
Where is the split in Florida from Redneck to “Will Smith’s Miami Video”?
/clicks on map
//sees it’s just continental US
///waits until Sunday, PR independence
Oh, provocative observation on Fisher’s ocassional success. Even dogs come off as wolves sometime.
Is it that time of the year already? It seems like they’ve gone to this type of regionalism earlier this year than in previous years.
“Sorry OSZ and DFO Oregonians you are condemned to Titans games throughout the year.”
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Thank goodness I subscribed to online redzone.