It’s Your “Hope She’s Not A Blow-Out” Fins/Pats Thread

Mia @ NE: Hope. I remember when I felt that. It was quite a long time ago but then a marriage and kids came along and it all came crashing down. The Dolphins and their dozens of fans are feeling that very same thing right now. Don’t tell them that Brady has never lost at home to them. Don’t tell them that Brady has had his biggest games TD-wise and yards-wise against them. It wouldn’t be right. Let them enjoy the fact that they crushed two lousy teams like pretty much everyone else has. You know what my doctor tells me when I’m under the weather?-“take one Texans and one Titans and I guarantee you’ll feel better immediately”. Tannehill, Miller and Campbell are getting ball-washed in the media but there’s the small matter of Cameron Wake that must be addressed. He’d been limping through the season with a hamstring pull and finally got better during the bye week. This has resulted in him collapsing his side of the line and grabbing 6 sacks in those last two victories. On the New England side of things RB Lewis is expected to play and the Pats are expected to win. Big. Look, it’s always nice to see a team get up off the dirt and start hitting back but after this game the Fins get the Bills and the Eagles on the road and a Romo-full Cowboys team at home. Welcome back to Mudville, Miami.

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aceg
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aceg

Hullo all you magnificent bastards!! Working on my buzz now, and just hoping for a good game. Am I wrong for that wish?!?

Spur
Member
Spur

Phil Simms has on more makeup than a two dollar whore on payday.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Member
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Phil Simms was the whore that Winston Smith fucked.

WCS
Member
entropy
Member

Come on Dolphins do your dirty sinful business right on Brady’s fucking head!

Redshirt
Member

So one a scale from “After School Behind the Bleachers” to “Brazzers”, how much verbally cunniligus should we get from the commentators towards Tommy Boy tonight?

nomonkeyfun
Member

No Man’s Land 69

King Hippo
Member

Depends on where “mute button” is on your scale.

entropy
Member

I’ll take “husband who has just been drunkenly told in public his wife has never had an orgasm.”

Senor Weaselo
Member

Evening everyone. This is gonna be a shitshow, isn’t it.

ProzacElf
Member
ProzacElf

Gee Phil, NO ONE gives the Pats credit for being “mentally tough”

entropy
Member

It takes a lot of heart to call for penalties even you know are bullshit every play.

entropy
Member

Half-drunk realization time: Saturday is Halloween, DST, *and* the NFL scheduled a 9:30 AM London game? Will ANYONE be awake to watch this travesty? I’m planning on finishing bottle two of my whiskey sometimes around 4 AM, making 9:30 almost impossible.

Redshirt
Member

I have a bad back. When the sun partially wakes me up once it rises, I turn over and the soreness wakes me up.

King Hippo
Member

“Fall back” so you get an extra hour!

entropy
Member

Thus the DST in my original comment. My 4 AM finish is still realistic, considering I’ll think it’s 5.

His Right Honorable Lord Revisisle
Member

Awww shit that’s this weekend, hello 5PM nightfalls.

litre_cola
Member

Goddammit, here too so dark so early.

His Right Honorable Lord Revisisle
Member

I probably will be up, I can’t sleep past 7.

Redshirt
Member

Everyone. I got a feeling that the Dolphins might actually pull this one off and here’s why:

At work there is someone who is worse than a complete asshole. They are a insecure, narcissistic prick who treats everyone like shit. They break the rules, milks the timeclock like its a cow to get overtime. They are the antithesis of a good employee. Honestly, I don’t know how they’re still employed. It escapes me.

Anyway, the other coworker who works in the same office (who this person treats as a whipping post), is getting promoted to a better paying, salary job that the asshole wants. And the person they’re getting to replace them, is someone who the asshole hates because they won’t put up with their shit.

So Karmic Justice is alive and well in the world! I believe in Karma! Go Dolphins!

entropy
Member

God damn it your office ate up all the karma and now the Pats are gonna win. Fucking hell.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

The asshole and the PK wannabe that stole the kid’s puck are going to share a cell in hell.

litre_cola
Member

Dear God let this be a blowout. I will take 52-52 tie please.

Redshirt
Member

I’ll take a 7-5 OT win.

Spur
Member
Spur

Halloween costumes at work, do you participate?

litre_cola
Member

No. Never. Grown Adults should not dress up unless A. with their kids. B. grinding up against a Slutty Nurse at Roscoe’s the local dive bar.

Redshirt
Member

C. Money’s involved.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

PK AT PENS GAME AS FAT GUY IN BAD SWEATER STEALS PUCK FROM LITTLE KID

WCS
Member

Great arena you have there, Pittsburgh. The coffee wasn’t up to par, though. Decent craft beer selection. I tried this new pumpkin beer called an “Oktoberfest.” Not enough pumpkin for me.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Pucks were plentiful.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Seriously, biggest dirtbag move ever.

Guarantee you’re going to see that on Deadspin.

Spur
Member
Spur

Evening everyone.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

hey

WCS
Member

14-0 TCU already. Ah, well.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

JV Stillers down 13-3.

Ice Pens 2 — 2 Ice Bills.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Speaking of spray tans, when do you make the decision to go orange?

Like Boehner orange?

Does anyone have even the slightest idea what life events culminate in the irresistible desire to make oneself the color of a basketball?

http://aattp.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/orange.jpg

entropy
Member

So Dan Campbell is basically PC Principal from South Park, are we agreed on that?

Spur
Member
Spur

Now Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek’s asshole?

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Tyler Boyd: Talented but stupid.

WCS
Member

LET’S GO PENS

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINEERS

EAT SHIT PITT

FUCK THE GREATRIOTS WITH A PICKAXE

entropy
Member

I agree with one of these statements. Speaking as someone who doesn’t give shit one about college foobaw, I cannot support any of that nonsense, and I hate the fucking Pens. But I wholeheartedly agree with fucking the Patriots with any rusty mining tool available.

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

So if the cousin that you married leaves you and marries your dad does that make her you mom or your aunt?

Mother Puncher
Member
Mother Puncher

If she had balls she’d be his drunkle.

nomonkeyfun
Member

Drunkles only show up on Thanksgiving, shouting about the FEMA deathcamps.

Fuck
Excretory
Male
Assholes

entropy
Member

Jameson is gone, along with the fine motor control necessary to maintain illustration quality. Time to seek alternate alcohol prior to the game. There is no fucking way I’m drinking that case of Mich Ultra in the garage.

His Right Honorable Lord Revisisle
Member

Oh boy, I can’t wait for the Greatriots to completely eschew the run game and go to 80% short passes because the league banned pass defense.

Redshirt
Member

Welp! Time to escape the family, I mean watch football!

http://static2.fjcdn.com/comments/5726977+_523a362a664e3349c2a0d37d3f6e485b.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

I’m more of a ballista man myself.

Kinda like preferring a rifle to a shotgun.

http://www.siege-engine.com/mistaballista/p6170030.jpg

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Member
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Sadly, both a vulnerable to Mongol hordes.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Member
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

*are

King Hippo
Member

We are all Pitt fans whilst we wait to all become Dolphins fans.

So. Much. Evil. On the slate tonight.

WCS
Member

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

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