Your One O’Clock Slate Open Thread

TB @ Atl: Winston has 9 TD’s and 7 Int’s-lousy, huh? His opposite today, Ryan has a sparkling 9 TD’s and 6 Int’s (also almost 600 more yards but still). At this point Tampa is just trying to show some progress and get through the season while the Falcons need a win to stay within tobacco juice-spitting distance of the Panthers. I’m not sure how Atlanta is going to pull this out what with Hankerson being out. Hopefully one of the other guys at the WR spot will come through.

Ari @ Cle: The Madden simulation of this game had the Cards winning 149-56. I think RB Johnson is going to break a long one against a Browns run D that almost always falls apart in the 2nd half. Don’t get me started on WR Bowe and his 9 mil. guaranteed contract and his three straight healthy scratches and “redemption time” narrative. Browns fans that want Manziel in are nuts. Why? McCown has made a star (okay, maybe “viable player” is the better term) out of TE Barnidge. What sort of sorcery has gotten these guys to connect for 459 yds. and 5 TD’s? Cleveland gets 3 starters back-CB Haden, FS Gipson and ILB Robertson. It won’t be enough for a win but this will allow them to be more aggressive.

F @ StL: San Fran takes it on the road and most likely on the chin today. The struggling Kaep may be without both Hyde and Boldin today as both are listed as questionable. (much like Kaep’s on-field decisions) Against a top 10 D, that spells more trouble and regression for a guy who doesn’t need either. The Rams are dead last in passing yards per game and Foles is taking some heat for it but I’m not having it. The WR corps consists of Britt, Bailey, Quick, TE Cook, who is inconsistent and Austin. Tavon is talented and just needs to be put into open space with the ball in order to make things happen but that is not happening often enough. I expect with the emergence of Gurley things will sort themselves out somewhat but this group is third rate.

NYG @ NO: Eli should be happy to know that the Saints give up the fifth-most passing yards per game at 275. This stat is actually worse than it seems because the Saints have rarely had a large lead on anyone therefore forcing them to air it out. After losing three straight the Saints have won the last three of four. When they are up they go after the QB hard-13 of their 16 sacks have occurred while they had the lead. The Giants have a measly nine in total. RB Orleans Darkwa of the Giants, a long shot to make the 53 man squad in September is pushing his way into the Giants RBBC.

Min @ Chi: Minny looks to be entering into a multi-year window of competitiveness given what they’ve done in the draft the past two years. Bridgewater, Kendricks, Barr, Diggs, Clemmings and Wayne are young, solid and talented. Also, most of them have no memory of having lost 7 straight at Soldier Field. Here’s this week’s “Stat Dis-Connect of the Week”. The Bears have the 26th ranked rush D yet have only given up 2 TD’s on the ground. Wah? Perhaps AP will close the gap a bit today.

SD @ Dal: Philip “The Loin Master” Rivers just had his eighth kid. Or maybe his wife did. I don’t know. That’s six girls and two boys and increasing pressure on the cervix and the population density of greater San Diego. Speaking of easy to score on, both these D’s like to give it away so we should be in for a bit of a TD/FG bonerama.

Cin @ Pit: “Big Ben Is Back!” yelled the owner of my fantasy team just now. I expect the Two B’s (Bell and Brown) to put it into a higher gear today. Hell, I’m calling it-Bengals get their first loss of the season today. Dalton can’t keep his insane numbers going much longer, can he? The world-weary Bengals fans shout “NO WAY!” in unison. WR Green is getting CB Antwon Blake today because Gay is banged up so Cincy should put up some points. Kudos to the guy who drafted RB Hill right in front of me. Buddy, I owe you one.

Ten @ Hou: This is our third game featuring a one win team playing a two win squad. Whoopee! Say goodbye to Hoyermallet and the lousy run they had and welcome Hoyersavageyates to the party. I’m just kidding, I saw TJ Yates in pre-season and I doubt that the coaches trust him with a clipboard. Foster done tore himself his Achilles and is gone for the year. To those mothers dipping their incipient football-playing sons into the River Styx I can’t stress this enough-DUNK THE WHOLE KID IN, DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT IT! Jeezuz!

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Doktor Zymm

Bah. Humbug. How am I supposed to wallow in a warm bath of Cowboy derp if the refs overturn stuff?

Gratliff

4 steps != football move

Romonobyl

I have a new, but temporary rule. Gravity cannot cause a fumble.

litre_cola

Greasy pigskin.

indieguy

what is baby oil wrestling bbw’s?

Spur

Ah, there’s the Cowboys I know and love. That was a fumble.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Ayup.

John Difool

McFail’in

Gratliff

WE HAVE A DERPAGE

Romonobyl

Well, that sucks.

Doktor Zymm

Living in a Belgian farmhouse was probably pretty shitty, except for the ale. That puts it ahead of living in a French farmhouse at least.

Spur

Williams shouldn’t be rolling around Dez’s foot.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t decide if I want the Cowboys to win because HAHA SEAHAWKS and also the post game commentary, or if I want the Seahawks to win because of the traditional FUCK THE COWBOYS.

Bortleback

I want to see Greg Hardy ejected for RKOing Russel Wilson 5 seconds after he throws a pass

litre_cola

FUCK. THE. COWBOYS.

indieguy

seahawks win but greg hardy provides meme worthy sideline antics?

Doktor Zymm

You all make some excellent points. I shouldn’t stray from my FUCK THE COWBOYS roots, just because they’re already hilariously fucked for the season.

King Hippo

I still can’t believe McFadden turned good again somehow.

Spur

Why is Troy Aikman YELLING??

Romonobyl

He dwells on the past.

Romonobyl

Repeat after me…
DO NOT BREAK WITTEN!

Gratliff

Was that to Seattle or Witten? Either way, he’s not making it to week 10.

Spur

You can’t hurt steel.

Bortleback

Careful with that kind of logic, Pete Carrol will be pouring jet fuel on him before the end of the game

Gratliff

“JET FUEL DOESN’T BURN HOT ENOUGH TO MELT BONE! LOOK AT MY FLAMING BODY! NO STRUCTURAL ISSUES WHATSOEVER!”

Gratliff

I didn’t realize the Cowboys went 0-for-October. It was a good month.

Senor Weaselo

So I was watching the track meet… what happened to Fitzmagic?

WCS

I didn’t see it either, but, he apparently got hurt scrambling.

litre_cola

Any one else eat luncheon meat like they are potato chips? I can just destroy a stack of pastrami, or pepperoni. Mrs Cola says I am a strange person for this.

Romonobyl

Used to do that, then I spent a few days with my cardiologist.

litre_cola

On the 1st tee a few years ago my step father looked at the 3 of us 30 something guys and said, “Boys, eat and drink everything you can until a man in a white coat says you can’t”

Gospel.

hippofant

And… I guess that wasn’t going low on the quarterback? Does that rule even exist any more?

Redshirt

…and so for the 3rd week in a row, my only late afternoon game is the Dallas game.

Go f*ck yourself with a fully inflated football, NFL

indieguy

eli always seems on the verge of pouting

tundrajim

Maybe by leader, Jerry meant asshole.

King Hippo

Oh shit, they DID get a stop?

John Difool

That Saints/Giants basketball contest was jolly good.

Romonobyl

Lookout world…here comes Matt Cassell.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t even make fun of the Giants for that loss.

Romonobyl

They losted??? WOOHOO!!!!

The Maestro

Holy fuck, Kai Forbath did a good.

bourb0nblues

At least Eli gets to bed on time. Damn kids try everything to stay up late.

Gratliff

YEAH! FUCK YOU GIANTS! C’mon Seattle!

fleshwound_NPG
Doktor Zymm

This is the longest five seconds in the history of time.

Doktor Zymm

INDECISIVE REFS ARE INDECISIVE

King Hippo

Stupid Bucs shoulda gone for it. Like they can get a fucking stop.

Senor Weaselo

Is it wrong that I want a miss so this game ends with a passing TD?

Romonobyl

Jimmy Graham would have been very comfortable with the NO/NYG score.

/because basketball.

bourb0nblues

Bleergh is fully sated.

King Hippo

GO FOR IT, Tampa

Romonobyl

Just got back from the grocery store. I live in Cowboy Country (I know, don’t be so jealous) so there was BRYANTROMOWITTEN and even AIKMENSMITHIRVIN jerseys everywhere. As I was leaving, a rather attractive young woman walked in wearing a BRADY jersey. Since she was pretty, I hope she survived (mostly).

fleshwound_NPG

Attractive young woman: “Brady so cute, wasnt much of a baseball fan before.”

Romonobyl

And yes, there were pink highlights.

Doktor Zymm

Would a Russ Wilson jersey be worse?

Romonobyl

Today? Most likely.

synapticmisfires

Then at least the Nano Bubbles would save her.

Redshirt

(exhales slowly)

Moonbatting Average

That was tense, no?

John Difool

If Manning throws a pick-six here will that also count as tying the record?

Doktor Zymm

So….unless this ends in a tie, this will become at least the 4th highest combined score game in NFL history.

Gratliff

614 yards for the Aints today

Senor Weaselo

“It’s not defended well.” You mean like this whole game?

Doktor Zymm

Missed extra point, overtime, or do I stab myself in the brain for benching Brees?

Badger

I did the same, don’t beat yourself up.