Chi @ Min: Cutler really likes WR Jeffrey-the latter is targeted 35% of the time on pass plays. The problem today is that Alshon is listed as questionable. Sooo….go Cam Meredith! (who?) SOMEBODY has to help Cutler break his tie with Pheel Simms on the all-time TD list. Eight of the last ten Bears games have been decided by 4 points or fewer. All respect to Minny defenders Barr, Smith and Joseph-when they aren’t on the field the Vikes give up 2 more yards per play. The first two are out today and Joseph looks like a game-timer.
Atl @ Jax: The Falcons are 6-7 but at this point are much lousier than that. Their last win was a 10-7 squeak job versus the Titans. That and a 38-0 humbling by the Panthers last week tells you exactly where they are as a team. I admit I’ve got a soft spot for the pleasantly surprising Jags. The last two years they’ve averaged just 15 points per game-over their last nine they’re scoring 29 and change. Peak Bortles-mania may be a little ways away at this point but if Jax can focus on the D in the draft next spring Florida may finally have something to be proud of in the future.
Hou @ Ind: How does a surging Texans team spell “bourble”? T-J Y-A-T-E-S and his sub 50% completion rate spell bourble. This battle of 6 and 7’s will go quite some way in determining the “winner” of the AFC South but you knew that. I say put QB Whitehurst in there for the Colts in order to level the playing field. Although if Watts and Clowney have their way it may happen at some point regardless.
Car @ NYG: Them Panters are only favoured by a measley 4 points. Why? Perhaps it’s because the Giants love playing undefeated teams after wk. 10 of the season. They are 4-0 in those games. CB Norman and WR Beckham will see each other this game but it won’t quite be a ‘showdown’. You see, Norman tends to stick to the outside while Beckham plays about 20% of the time in the slot. I’m thinking that that percentage will increase as the Giants will try to create scoring opportunities for their star WR.
Ten @ NE: The Lamb Lies Down On Gillette Stadium.
Buf @ Was: The Slurs have allowed the most long TD’s (20 or more yards in the air) and Tyrod has thrown the most in the league this year. If Rex can do the old “2+2=4” then you may want to pull WR Watkins out of your holster if you’re in some fantasy playoff thingy. It’s Pride Day in Buffalo because that’s all they’re playing for. But Washington is playing for something far more important-the honour of being pitilessly stomped into the dirt by whatever wildcard team plays them should they make the post-season.
KC @ Bal: Looks as though the Chiefs will have to do without manbeast Justin Houston for the rest of the regular season. Dee Ford (who?) picked up the slack last week however when he recorded three sacks. With the Jets having won last night pressure is on KC to do the same. This is not an impossible task against a clearly discouraged Ravens squad.
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerp
FUMBRE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh manning.
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/happening/images/1/18/Ron_paul_its_happening1_by_l4p1s_l4zul1-d8yuz2q.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150906045522
Ugggggggggggggggggggggggh
Afternoon, gents. I miss anything aside from OBJ being kind of a huge douchebag?
ODB Jr. is a God amongst men.
Finnegan getting burned by someone? DRINK.
So the Giants score the TD, kick PAT, then give up quick score and 2 pt conversion.
That’s how it has to end, right?
Nah, field goal by Gano.
Yeah, I was blanking on the actual score.
I think at least one really dumb defensive penalty.
Long kickoff return with a facemask.
Ugh. There’s gonna be so much smug in DC and New York
Batted down by JPP? Don’t you mean clubbed down?
How that thing is legal boggles my mind.
The Colts are going to lose to Doopy Pantz. I repeat…the Colts are going to lose to a Cowboy’s reject.
I cannot fucking believe this
sad trombone
/sorry, Pie – you can console me later once my Donks are done fucking up
Hugs and booze
Welp, we derped last, Sill.
Tragic.
I just saw a Fiat commercial. GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS? Star Wars opens this week.
I just saw a Fiat commercial. GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS?
WTF?
UGLYBURGERCEPTION
CHICKENGEORGEDOWN
welp
Don’t run it. Don’t run it. [Giants run it]
Well, There goes any chance of Eli getting new Star Wars toys from grampy Coughlin this Christmas.
THEY WHO DERP LAST USUALLY LOSE
*fingers crossed for Doopy Pantz derp*
Giants: We dont want to win this game!
Panthers: Fuck you, yes you do!
FUMBULINA!
DERP-OFF!
The damn P*ts are not going to c*ver!
Wait for it…
Good call; high five!
FUMBRE!!!
Fuck you Griff Whalen
There’s the backbreaking Manningception.
With his brother injured/benched, it falls to Eli to ruin the hopes of an entire franchise just when their hopes are up
How DARE you forget about…what’s his name…oh yeah, COOPER!!!
So much for that.
Manning is a goddamn. He’s a goddamn.
Nicks did fall down there.
Falldownception!
Hassel’s back!
Giants competence?
NOPE.
ruh roh, Panthers
IT’S PLAUSIBLY HAPPENING?
NOAP
Tyrod Taylor RIP
http://www.roadie.org/bald19.jpg
That blocked punt almost hit the overhead camera!
or fg whatev
A drunken pre-festivus salute to all you punks and punkettes
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE
It doesn’t matter if the Jaguras want it or not. Destiny wants them.
http://stemwigmore.ninja/resources/density-formula.jpg
A Jared promo and a Subway promo in Indianapolis doesn’t seem right at all tbh
American Idol: The Farewell Season. Maybe you’ll watch it again! Please?
I’ll watch Simon yell at the sillies again.
That never ceases to be amusing.
Finally, our national nightmare is over….. until the next one.
I think this would be a good concussion test for Hasselbeck. Make him watch 10 minutes of The View…if he vomits, he’s fine.
Pretty sure Elizabeth isn’t his wife.
Sister In Law…still counts.
On the plus side neither team has put in a punter as emergency QB yet
Boo.
paging Tom Tupa?
JAX/ATL: WHO SORTA MAYBE WANTS IT
Trod Taylor looked like an actual tie-rod there….. underneath the other teams bus…
Well that was a good
THIS ZACH METTENBERGER I CALL HIM STAN MARSH BECAUSE THE TITANS MIGHT COVER THE SPREAD
Wait, why’d it go here?
Clipboard Jesus vs. Doopy Pantz. This is what we’ve sunk to.
Potential playoff-determining game!
Clipboard Jesus in the Super Bowl would be too good to be true.
And Fat Hump Local News was worried about Clipboars Jesus vs TJ Yates…
One more dead QB…