Your Happy Scrappy 4PM Slate Open Thread

TB @ Car: And lo! What have we here? Another game that means nada. Looking at the Panthers over the last couple of games you can see some Parcells-approved chinks in their armour. The loss to Atl, the squeaker vs. the Giants and t’udder close call against the Saints indicate that Carolina is somewhat vulnerable. Or more likely, they just need to re-focus. And what better team to do that against than the “lost last 4 of 5” Tampa Bucs?

Oak @ KC: I’m just not feeling this one. KC’s rolling and the Raiders, despite showing great promise for the next few years, are circling the drain. Maybe these guys can channel their inner ’90’s tendency to knock the stuffing out of each other and we end up with a watchable game.

SD @ Den: Can not wait to see S Weddle play today! Wait. What? He was placed on IR? He was fined 10K for watching his daughter perform at half-time? He showed up the team’s medical staff by running sprints in front of reporters? When will this San Diego-appropriate madness end!?!?!? This is most likely the last time you’ll see WR Floyd and TE Gates so drink that all in. Rivers will probably end up forcing the ball into both of them making it that much easier for 1.) the Denver D to win this game on its own and 2.) Chargers management to say goodbye to HC McCoy on Monday.

Sea @ Den: This should be a good one. Over the last six games these two squadrons are 1 and 2 in yards gained per game. The difference could be that during that same time the Cards are +11 in turnover margin. PFF’s number one FS, Arizona’s Mathieu ran into the worst three letters in the alphabet that an active football player could-ACL. CTE being the worst three that a retired player could run into. But really, they wouldn’t be the Cards if they didn’t have a significant player go down with a season-ender, would they?

StL @ SF: BRRRRR! Do you feel a draft? So do these guys.

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JustStopDude

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ThePirateSloth

ONWARD TRUSTY STEED

King Hippo

Alright, now you put PeyPey in. He just has no pocket awareness.

Romonobyl

Reboot Manning and send him in.

makeitsnowondem

As if this dumbassed Broncos game weren’t enough, I’ve got a season-long picks contest riding on Tampa Bay and Oakland. I need all the drinks.

evilbeaver8

This is tremendous football.

Romonobyl

You watching soccer on TeleMundo?

fleshwound_NPG

DONKS WHY ARE YOU STILL FUCKING THE DOG

nomonkeyfun

Ok Jared.

Sill Bimmons

Cards are a mirage of schedule and luck.

If they win a playoff game I’ll be shocked.

litre_cola

I think losing Honey Badger really hurts their defense.

Sill Bimmons

I think you’re right.

King Hippo

The few bits I’ve seen at Donks commercials…Palmer playing pretty shitty

King Hippo

Thank fuck for Wade Phillips.

Sill Bimmons

HOSPITAL BALL

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

if only they liked me ,, smgdh

Romonobyl

My fave breakfast joint makes a banana-pecan pancake that’s like sex on a plate…but stickier.

fleshwound_NPG

wut

King Hippo

This is making me so insane I was noting how open the left side was if we ran a fake punt.

ThePirateSloth

WHOOOO FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN

ThePirateSloth
Romonobyl

So the Bolts have as many points as take-aways? Math isn’t my strong suit but that don’t add up right.

King Hippo

all takeaways have been deep in Bolts territory

litre_cola

Combined it is still less kids than Laserface.

Old School Zero

Factor in a rookie undrafted O-Lineman being assigned to Ware, Donald Brown as starting RB, and too many other injuries.

Old School Zero

PUT IN MANNING!

ThePirateSloth

“Epic comeback starts right now”

King Hippo

Damn you, it’s already silly enough we are playing fucking Hillman

evilbeaver8

Hmmm…only way to justify Manning starting in playoffs…is Osweiler completely shitting the bed this week…

King Hippo

not really

Redshirt

What are those weird letters doing next to the Los Angeles Chargers’ score?

blackroseMD1

Taunting me.

WCS

Yeah, but BERT got yinz a Liberty BERT yesterday.

blackroseMD1

True…plus at least I know that the Hogs won’t be moving to Missouri or something this offseason. That’s something, I guess.

Old School Zero

They’re playing in Standard Definition.

Old School Zero

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King Hippo

Christ, Donks. Do you have fucking money on the Bolts??

Bortleback

They really want a trip to Cincinatti next week, and/or New England in a couple of weeks

Bortleback

I mean Pittsburgh…….derp

King Hippo

nah, they’d go to Yooooooouston, then either Cincy or Masshole-land

blackroseMD1

Somebody gave Steve Williams horse steroids before the game, apparently.

makeitsnowondem

Actually, that fumble by Osweiler was a catch.

fleshwound_NPG

Yep, Donks going to fuck the dog. Pats #1 seed. Hail Satan.

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Recovery Whiskey

Osweiler got bolted

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Donkderp

Doktor Zymm

One difference between football and basketball. In basketball you have to dribble. In football, that’s called a “drop” or a “fumble” depending on when you do it.

litre_cola

NO DUNKING ON CROSSBAR THOUGH!!! The ginger hammer doesn’t like that. Greg Hardy may do what he wants, but we will not have football dunking!

Romonobyl

And football has a few reasonably skilled white players.

WCS

Thanks for the information. The Browns are going to take Christian Hackenberg, aren’t they?
http://static.deathandtaxesmag.com/uploads/2014/12/so-youre-telling-me-theres-a-chance.gif

Sill Bimmons

It would continue their run of doing everything wrong when it comes to the QB position.

Romonobyl

This game is a lot like my old junk drawer…lots of broken chargers.

ThePirateSloth

The downside to being involved in a start up company with a bunch of older tech guys, is that none of them are football fans at all… and they scheduled a 2 hour conf call for 3pm today. 2 hours. On Sunday. During football. For 2 hours.

Old School Zero

woo startup culture

litre_cola

Older tech guys? Shouldn’t they be getting angrier and more into football?

Recovery Whiskey

They need in-person? Webex that shit

Romonobyl

Schedule a follow-up meeting during 60 Minutes…that’ll piss them off.

King Hippo

That said, one could argue that a home game against the Stillers would be a harder matchup for the Chefs than a road trip to Yoooooouston.

evilbeaver8

Wait…Antonio Gates played basketball….but he’s a football player…and basketball is not football…that’s two sports…different sports…

Bortleback

Chewbacca lives on Endor…….

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THE BALLS AREN’T EVEN THE SAME COLOR OR SHAPE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT’S WHAT SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SAID!!

Bortleback

Totally didn’t even know that the niners were playing until Redzone showed that TD

Redshirt

Chargers-Broncos: The game no one wants to win.

Old School Zero

Neither deserves to win, either. May they tie in hell.

WCS

Who gets the number one draft pick? Factory or ex-Oilers?

I can’t wait to see the Brownies pass on a sure-fire stud like Joe Bosa for Christian Hackenberg.

Redshirt

Ex-Oilers.

litre_cola

Chip Kelly gunna ruin that pick real good.

Bortleback

He’ll already have Mariota, so he won’t need anything else!

………what if Chip intentionally threw the season so he could get fired and go to the Titans, to be reunited with Mariota?

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That’s one intense gay love affair.

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Former Oilers due to weaker strength of schedule.

Sill Bimmons

Ex-Oilers.

Last time they had the #1 overall pick they took Earl Campbell.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Flowdown!

Romonobyl

Had to do the Google for injera. Looks interesting…like a foamy tortilla.
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Doktor Zymm

It’s a sourdough, and has more of a pancake texture than tortillas do. It’s a love it or hate it food. I happen to love it.

ThePirateSloth

A friend of mine from Ethiopia used to make us food all the time, and served everything to us on injera. It’s the most versatile of foods.

makeitsnowondem

Dammit Donald

Romonobyl

Broncos are all hooves today.

King Hippo

they want me dead, it’s the only rational ‘splanation

Bloody Lethal

I wish Southwest wouldn’t speaksing at me like this. It is… unsettling.

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makeitsnowondem

derps all around

evilbeaver8

Anything you can derp I can derp-derper.

fleshwound_NPG

The Donks are going to fuck the dog, are they

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If it weren’t for the benefit that would give the Grumblelord’s Dark Army, I’d enjoy it.

Redshirt

Don’t worry. The Steelers are the #6 seed. They won’t let us down in the Divisional Round.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

BROCKCEPTION!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Broncos fans: When did it stop being Invesco Field?

Old School Zero

When they Divesco’d.

Redshirt

Ah, Lily. I’m glad your back and not the claymation you. I like to keep my fantasies and my Christmas movie memories separate.

litre_cola

Afternoon gents and Dok. How are we all doing today?

I assume Hippo’s stress level is quite high. To have Laserface ruin everything is a real kick in the junk.

American Pie Story

Had a store misadventure because all the other Fat Humps bought up all my snacks

WCS
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I don’t get the Geico Peter Pan commercial. Did he go to high school? How did he not age if he left Neverland for high school? Did ANYONE understand the story before writing that commercial?

Recovery Whiskey

Pandering to baby boomers, who don’t look a day over 70.

Redshirt

Also, if he was 18-years old and he went to live with a bunch of runaway boys, that kind of make Captain Hook a hero for trying protecting the kids from the apparent pedofile.

evilbeaver8

Why is FOX showing Raiders-Chiefs instead of Seahawks-Cards?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

What’s really weird is that with that, CBS is showing San Fran/Rams.

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They “crossflexed.” I don’t know if they did that to allow people to watch both AFC West games at once or if it’s some form of evening out the number of good games between networks. But yeah.

litre_cola

Because you touch yourself at night.

evilbeaver8

So…more day-masturbation then?

litre_cola

Yes and then thee shall be granted redzone.