Your Happy Scrappy 4PM Slate Open Thread

TB @ Car: And lo! What have we here? Another game that means nada. Looking at the Panthers over the last couple of games you can see some Parcells-approved chinks in their armour. The loss to Atl, the squeaker vs. the Giants and t’udder close call against the Saints indicate that Carolina is somewhat vulnerable. Or more likely, they just need to re-focus. And what better team to do that against than the “lost last 4 of 5” Tampa Bucs?

Oak @ KC: I’m just not feeling this one. KC’s rolling and the Raiders, despite showing great promise for the next few years, are circling the drain. Maybe these guys can channel their inner ’90’s tendency to knock the stuffing out of each other and we end up with a watchable game.

SD @ Den: Can not wait to see S Weddle play today! Wait. What? He was placed on IR? He was fined 10K for watching his daughter perform at half-time? He showed up the team’s medical staff by running sprints in front of reporters? When will this San Diego-appropriate madness end!?!?!? This is most likely the last time you’ll see WR Floyd and TE Gates so drink that all in. Rivers will probably end up forcing the ball into both of them making it that much easier for 1.) the Denver D to win this game on its own and 2.) Chargers management to say goodbye to HC McCoy on Monday.

Sea @ Den: This should be a good one. Over the last six games these two squadrons are 1 and 2 in yards gained per game. The difference could be that during that same time the Cards are +11 in turnover margin. PFF’s number one FS, Arizona’s Mathieu ran into the worst three letters in the alphabet that an active football player could-ACL. CTE being the worst three that a retired player could run into. But really, they wouldn’t be the Cards if they didn’t have a significant player go down with a season-ender, would they?

StL @ SF: BRRRRR! Do you feel a draft? So do these guys.

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Moonbatting Average

Review that one, I dare ya

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Now Donksdown!

Recovery Whiskey

Carroll tempting fate with Wilson still in

Bortleback

The nanobubbles will protect him, surely

King Hippo

put Brock in and fucking sneak it

evilbeaver8

Wonder if that’s ever happened before…touchdown taken away on consecutive replays.

ThePirateSloth

/cut to FOXSports booth
“Commercial break coming up, cue up that awesome song you played for me from a Seattle based band, you know, the one with the guitar, and wasn’t there a girl and some BDSM in there somewhere? Those pasty northwesterners love them some BDSM”
“Oh, you mean Alice in Chains?”
“That’s the one, so hip, so fresh. The Seattle crowd will love hearing it for 3 seconds before the commercial break”

Moonbatting Average

Oh Godammit

Shogun Marcus

So is the Ram truck redesign with RAM writ large on the tailgate meant to be instructional?

JustStopDude
WCS

Can’t wait for 4592 obtusely-worded platitudes from PK on why Battleship Manning deserves the MVP over Cam.

...

He’s just the fucking worst.

litre_cola

The next 2 weeks are going to murder with all the taeks about who should start.

fleshwound_NPG

PHEEL, if the shin is down, so is the knee, you fucking idiot.

...

He’s just the fucking worst.

makeitsnowondem

I will always remember Phil trying to draw a triangle with the telestrator when Champ Bailey returned that pick for a touchdown against the Patriots in 2006 but maaaaaybe fumbled. No one thinks out loud worse than Phil.

Bortleback

Pheeeeeeeel is basing his knowledge of human anatomy off a picture of Joe Theismann

Redshirt

Not necessarily (see: Theismann, Joe)

evilbeaver8

No way they’ll turn it over again…will they?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

No Donksdown

makeitsnowondem

That call is fine.

Old School Zero

Petyon sure does know how to hand a ball off, I’ll give him that.

bourb0nblues

So…. Denver post-season QB situation is basically Any Given Sunday, right?

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DONKSDOWN!!

fleshwound_NPG

Brock: “NOW you don’t fumble. Fuck you RBs forever.”

Moonbatting Average

Well!

makeitsnowondem

Brock with the saddest applause.

Bortleback

He’ll have to go back to acting in Twilight movies for a living

nomonkeyfun

So is Cam Newton the MVP?

Or because he should take the rest of the game off, does he lose because he’s one of those guys.

makeitsnowondem

Palmer. It’s been Palmer for me since Brady cooled off around midseason, as much as I’d love the weeping and gnashing of teeth if Newton won.

King Hippo

The CLT paper polled the voters, and basically everyone (who responded) is between Cam and Palmer, vast majority voting Cam.

blackroseMD1

Even if he’s not the league MVP, he’s my MVP, since he likely just won me $200 with that last TD.

ThePirateSloth

4 win season, 1 win at home… Jason Garrett is the best coach the Cowboys have ever had!

Croooow

‘Bama had more wins there (2-0) than the Cowboys.

JustStopDude

comment image

litre_cola

Holy shit, PETA would explode if this was prevalent.

bourb0nblues

I’ve missed that sweet sweet Omaha call.

Redshirt

Three weeks later:

Elway: “What do you mean you want a trade, Brock?”

Bortleback

Don’t be silly – Brock is off to the glue factory after this game

King Hippo

His contract is up and we have to use the franchise tender on Von anyway.

Sill Bimmons

Kai Forbath sounds like the name of a Star Wars character.

makeitsnowondem

The good thing about this decision is that, for this game only, no one has any idea what Peyton can or can’t do.

King Hippo

His strength is reading defenses, in particular blitzes. Which is exactly why SD is winning the game.

fleshwound_NPG

The only good thing is that PHEEL saying “no way Peyton comes in” earlier makes him look even MORE of a fucking useless jackass

...

I’m generally a happy drunk, but whenever Pheel Seems speaks, it kills my fucking buzz.

...

Alright Commentists: Whatcha drinkin’?

I just finished off a bomber of Boulevard’s Smokestack Series Tart Cherry Imperial Stout. It’s my subtle way of rooting for the Chiefs or something.

makeitsnowondem

Local at the moment. Oasis Texas Brewing Metamodern IPA.

Old School Zero

Lagunitas DoppelSticky

King Hippo

Kubes is basically risking his job here.

Bortleback

Debatable with how Brock Lobster has been playing

evilbeaver8

Benching Osweiler should sent the message to CJ Anderson not to fumble again.

Recovery Whiskey

Stanton already serving em up for Seattle’s secondary

makeitsnowondem

nervous af rn

ThePirateSloth
Recovery Whiskey

Is anyone else surprised PFM isn’t being given a chance to be a hero?

Shogun Marcus

Suckhammer dropped. No moar birdfight.

Recovery Whiskey

Arians is using this as playoff motivation

...

They played the San Diego Super Chargers song and I giggled uncontrollably because I’m drunk.

Redshirt
Old School Zero

Fuck you, he’s still Antonio Gates, motherfuckers.

WCS

That “POP” you just heard was Hippo’s aneurysm.

King Hippo

Keo is suuuuuuuuch a piece of shit

blackroseMD1

Holy shit Antonio Gates…

Old School Zero

Just load the whole Chargers team onto the cart, and ship ’em to Reseda, for we are all in some way or another going to Reseda to die.

Sill Bimmons

And the radio man laughs, because the radio man fucks a model too.

Shogun Marcus

You are lissssssssstening to los angeles.

makeitsnowondem

That improvised Irish Slammer (I’ve discovered this is the preferred term!) is hitting hard. Guess this is why they make them with eight ounces of 4% stout instead of twelve ounces of 8% old ale.

Old School Zero

make it blind

fleshwound_NPG

execute hgh_neckdroidapp_2011_2016update.exe

Bortleback

Canned_PR_Response(“Deny”, “HGH usage”);

blackroseMD1

And Peyton’s head grew five sizes that day.

bourb0nblues

The roast beast is spiked with HGH! Careful!

makeitsnowondem

I love Peyton Manning but this is my nightmare.

King Hippo

I think they had to do something different. Team is shitting itself.

Redshirt

(JR voice)

Wait a minute. What’s that? Now wait just a damn minute. My God, King! That’s Peyton Manning’s music!

Bortleback

I want to see Peyton do a Stone Cold Stunner to Brock before he walks onto the field