Your “OMG OMG OMG” Free Agency Wednesday Open Thread

Day 2 of Free Agency. Let’s see what unfolded laundry highlights today:

  • Doug Martin signed for 5 years to stay with Tampa.
  • Well, the Eagles-Dolphins trade was off this morning, but is now apparently back on. The Eagles will move up to the 8 spot, and the Dolphins will go down to 13th and keep Maxwell & Alonso.
  • Antonio Gates won’t be moving to LA for at least one year, as he re-upped with the Chargers for 2 years.
  • Bruce Irvin took the paycheque and went to the Raiders.
  • Who will smoke under the stands with Jay Cutler now that Matt Forte has signed with the Jets?
  • The Lions replaced Megatron with Shockwave, as Marvin Jones signs for 5 years.
  • George Iloka resigned with the Bengals. No word on Pacman yet (*does “CHUH CHUH” to “Jaws” theme*)

For the LOLs:

  • None of the Rams defense wants to move to LA. Janoris Jenkins went to the Giants, and Rodney McLeod signed with the Eagles.
  • Olivier Vernon signed with the Giants for more money than JJ Watt makes. No wonder Tom Coughlin ‘chose’ to walk away from such a master plan.
  • Brock Ostweiler signed with the…Texans? Is that a team? Well, we all know what this means:
    • Kaepernick goes to the Broncos
    • Manziel goes to the 49ers to be Chip’s Great White Hype
    • RGIII to the Argonauts
    • TEBOW TO THE BROWNS!

It’s almost too perfect.

Finally, Matt Hasslebeck retired…until the Texans call in Week 9.

Politics: Looks like Bernie’s got some life left in his campaign. He eked out a Michigan win on “Super Tuesday 2”, and now…ANOTHER FUCKING DEBATE?!?! Well, with Florida, Illinois & Ohio next week on “Super Tuesday 3: Back In Training”, I guess this makes some sense. Hopefully, it means someone’s campaign will be done soon so we can all focus on watching the upcoming Republican Civil War.

IMPORTANT DICKJOKETHREADJACK

FROM YOUR IMPERIAL OVERLORD

#DickJokesMatter you guys.
If we are to let the rotting tangelo of a Republican front-runner and his childlike supplicant Marco make our dick jokes, where will we be? WE make the dick jokes here. We also make the balls and vageener jokes, too, dammit! I said nothing when they came for the gay jokes, because, well, they were inappropriate and I’m ashamed of 10 year old DTZM. I said nothing when they made me stop joking about people’s weight. (I’m sorry, guys. I was an asshole.) But I’ll be DAMNED if that melted creamsickle coated in shaved gopher hair will make MY dick jokes. SONOFABITCH I am angry.
Also, I’m sorry, but a Trump “Guarantee” on dick size is worth about the same as his classes at Trump University.
The Ommpa-est Loompah
The Ommpa-est Loompah

So #TakeBackTheDick folks. Make your dick jokes tonight like you’ve never made them before.

END DICKJOKE THREADJACK

 

Is Hulk’s lawyer Mark Davis?

I am thoroughly enjoying the madness that is the Hulk Hogan Terry Bollea – Gawker trial. He’s going by his legal name at the trial, to emphasize how wrestlers separate their “character”: from their real-life persona. Nonetheless, every sentence out of Hulk’s mouth makes him sound ridiculous, plus he’s said “penis” a bunch of times and talked about his “shortcomings”, which had to have made him uncomfortable, brother. His admissions, and burying of kayfabe, is costing him any further chances of returning to Vince’s grappling funhouse as long as they are sticking to the PG attitude.

You want games? I got games! WHATCHA GONNA WATCH, McMAHON?! (All times eastern)

NHL: (6 games total)

  • Blackhawks @ Blues – 8:00
  • Ducks @ Avalanche – 10:00
  • Capitals @ Kings – 10:30

NBA: (9 games total)

  • Grizzlies @ Celtics – 7:00
  • Clippers @ Thunder – 9:00
  • Jazz @ Warriors – 10:30
Most Canadian picture ever?

NCAA: major conference tournament games

  • Oklahoma State vs Kansas State – 7:00
  • Georgia Tech vs Clemson – 7:00
  • TCU vs Texas Tech – 9:00
  • St Johns vs Marquette – 9:30
  • Florida State vs Virginia Tech – 9:30

Tim Hortons Brier: Draw 13 – 7:30

  • Northern Ontario vs Northwest Territories – Sheet A
  • Newfoundland vs Quebec – Sheet B

Hurry. HURRY HARD!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Unsurprised
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Temptations – Papa was a Rolling Stone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJV2pWFyfn4

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I like the Bears trying to steal people from the Bronco’s D, Not sure I would go after CJ Anderson

Unsurprised

Genie, you’re free.

BREAKING: The [*Redacted] s have informed RGIII of his release, @RapSheet reports. He is now a free agent. pic.twitter.com/DykKadlyWn— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) March 7, 2016

Unsurprised

I’m sorry it took this long to make this joke.

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Twitter seems confident that Kaep will be a Jet. Whither Fitzmagic?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Earth, Wind & Fire – Let’s Groove

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrle0x_DHBM

Unsurprised

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DAL ➡ TENAnd in the middle… a season-long furlough in Philly?That's how @DeMarcoMurray sees it. #NFLFreeAgency pic.twitter.com/tGbM0BwfhG— NFL (@NFL) March 10, 2016

Unsurprised

List of teams that haven't watched Kaepernick play football recently: DEN, NYJ, CLE https://t.co/pEyK2mKFMQ— Ross Tucker (@RossTuckerNFL) March 10, 2016

Unsurprised

Cleveland, in true #Browns fashion, is apparently bidding against itself for Kaepernick. https://t.co/kPADBrtrDr— NonTenderedFreeAgent (@JacsonBevens) March 10, 2016

#Browns, #Browns, #Jets in on a potential Colin Kaepernick trade. Big difference in where their 2nd round picks are: Denver's much later— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) March 10, 2016

Unsurprised

They’re probably the only thing he hasn’t come to yet at this point.

Free agent CB Antonio Cromartie to Michael Irvin: 'I'm ready to come to the Cowboys' https://t.co/oxb1fZO4kU via @sportsdaydfw— Brandon George (@DMN_George) March 10, 2016

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I should have gone with this Kool & the Gang – Get down on it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qchPLaiKocI

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I skipped one song out of shame. Don’t know how Kool & the Gang is better

Kool and the Gang – Celebration

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

Unsurprised

I need to remember to stretch.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Michael Jackson – Smooth Criminal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_D3VFfhvs4

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am again listening to late 70’s/80’s music

Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM

WCS

http://49.media.tumblr.com/6bd9ace3d650b69ce17f319c66e71e7f/tumblr_mreczsWyFw1r8nxtno1_400.gif

Apparently, sister-in-law thought she was clear of this thing, and then wasn’t last week. Lasted another 36 hours. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Guess how I feel?

Wakezilla
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am just gonna stay up and listen to the GotG soundtrack. Escape can go fuck itself, no one likes random shitty drinks or 3 verses about people that should break up.

Wakezilla

Holy shit snacks, I’m getting really sick of all this fucking rain Vancouver has been getting lately. What’s not helping is the fact people are driving like a bunch of blind dipshits out there. So. Many. Huge. Car Accidents. It makes no god damn sense.

http://cdn.niketalk.com/e/eb/900x900px-LL-ebb38fdc_tumblr_nrcoy8lC3m1qixedeo2_1280.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Unsurprised

Time to go back to writing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHGaL0PvSZ0

Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I went back to music. If I posted this last one last time I went Guardians Soundtrack, sorry

Elvis Bishop – Fooled around and fell in love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyMMEmwFQUE&list=PLpRjkOHBe_TgmznCle__jWDhoV4aFgCjw&index=5

JerBear50

I had no idea that was an Elvin Bishop song. I’ve always thought of him just as a blues guy.

Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I need a detailed document with specifics about what is safe or not safe for work. I have a few pics in limbo

http://56.media.tumblr.com/cfd19badb131894f7500540b00d0534e/tumblr_o1gvkld8PV1qk16obo1_1280.jpg

Unsurprised

I agree. That would be great.

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Shiny