Awaking From the Basketball Coma (Sunday No-Funday Preview)

The last day of the coma is always such a bummer, because all I can think about is how close to being over it is, and the looming specter of fucking Monday. Also FUCK YESTERDAY.

7S Iowa vs. 2S Villanova (12:10, CBS)

The ultimate acid test in “just how cursed is Jay Wright?” Iowa did everything in its power to choke away its 1st round game, yet somehow beat Temple on an OT buzzer-beating tip-in. Still, they give the impression of being held together with duct tape and chicken wire at the moment.

14E Stephen F. Austin vs. 6E Notre Dame (2:40, CBS)

Not exactly the matchup the suits expected when this game was allotted an exclusive national slot, I’m guessing. The Irish are pretty consistent offensively, so I doubt the cards are there for SFA to beat the house again and crash the Sweet Sixteen party. They still have the tourney’s best beard, though…

10W VCU vs. 2W Oklahoma (5:10, CBS)

These aren’t the Rams of yesteryear, Boomer Sooner should roll in this one. Iowa State has already slain its early round demons, so perhaps Lon Kruger gets to do the same. Would love to see both squadrons in the Final Four.

15MW Middle Tennessee vs. 10MW Syracuse (6:10, TNT)

Jim Boeheim’s briliant “win one for Scotchy!” motivational campaign is paying off, even working reverse mojo on Sparty. I have no idea if the Blue Raiders will even get off the bus for this one, coming off the immense sugar high of Friday’s fun.

13S Hawaii vs. 5S Maryland (7:10, TBS)

I have been wrong in all of my similar pronouncements…but I think this will be a very fun game to watch for the neutral viewer. The Rainbow Warriors could give the Turtle significant trouble, but a veteran team won’t fold as easily as Cal did.

11W Northern Iowa vs. 3W Texas A&M (7:40, truTV)

For two more hours tonight, truTV gets to be a thing again! Hashtag, suckmyass.

7E Wisconsin vs. 2E Xavier (8:40, TNT)

Unleash your inner Catler, everybody. DOOOOOOONNNNNNN’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRE

8W St. Joe’s vs. 1W Oregon (9:40, TBS)

Will I DVR this, just in case Toddler Blood Martelli pulls it off? MAYBE.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, shit. That ‘twert good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Take a damn shot already!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

C’mon StJoes!!!!! This one’s for you!!!! Kill these Nike assholes off.
Garbage – Run Baby Run
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEBSr_ZaewY

Gratliff

PUT DA TEAM ON HIS BACK

Gratliff

This is the year Gonzaga wins just to fuck with everybody who bitches that Gonzaga always gets picked to be the cinderella team.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He just said “Oregon down a deuce”

WCS

theeWeeBabySeamus

I want to be Butch Vig when I grow up. Actually got paid to sit behind a kit looking at Shirley Manson’s ass. Has produced many of the biggest acts of our time (well my time…I’m old, admittedly)
Garbage – I Think I’m Paranoid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypr18UmxOas

WCS

ALXMAC

I saw them open for Smashing Pumpkins in OKC in the mid 90’s. Speaking of open, Shirley wore a short dress with no underwear. One of the few times floor seats were worth it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m speakless just picturing that.
And also way jealous.

ThePirateSloth

I just stopped at my local dive bar, and where I live outside of Portland proper is where a good number of top NIKE execs live.

I’m the only person here…. just like Seahawks games. I hope Oregon gets blown the fuck out for the rest of this game. Fuck these people.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t look at Phil Martelli these days without thinking of Peter Boyle.
http://s29.postimg.org/5qq1leb6f/MV5_BMTk0_ODc5_NTE4_M15_BMl5_Ban_Bn_Xk_Ft_ZTYw_Nj_Y3_MTI0_V1.jpg

laserguru

Holy fucking shit folks I’m making serious progress with this girl. We’re working on accommodations as we speak.
She was a sucker for my Slayer and Rage against the machine videos.
Hold me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Da Fuq are you here talking to us asswipes for?
ABC…Always Be Closing.
NOW GET BACK IN THERE!!!!!!

Spanky Datass

Tonight’s NBCSports studio show ‘NHL Overtime’ will be delayed by actual overtime in Chicago. Enjoy!

theeWeeBabySeamus

COME ON!!!! IT’S RIGHT IN THE NAME!!!!!

WCS

comment image

WCS

We need to get a stream of the N. Iowa’s radio broadcast in the last 45 seconds.

theeWeeBabySeamus
WCS

theeWeeBabySeamus

How UNI is feeling right now.
(you know the quote)
http://nissaninfiniticlub.net/photopost/data/500/8470TD-med.jpg

herodotus450

Newkirk is trying to take St. Josephs to a time long ago and a galaxy Shavar, Shavar away

Redshirt

I just saw the comeback. How in the hell do you not know how to in-bound the ball in the NCAA. Isn’t that the third thing they teach you after “dribbling” and “shooting”?

Sill Bimmons

There is no god and if there were it certainly wouldn’t give a fuck about the outcome of your stupid basketball game.

litre_cola

BECAUSE HE ONLY CARES FOR FOOTBALL!

Croooow

Heartbreaking. Just… wow.

WCS

Still have the Cyclones!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Coach, with 44 seconds, how did you come back?
THEY FUCKED UP ROYALLY PRETTY MUCH. THOSE GUYS REALLY SUCKED ASS DOWN THE STRETCH. PRAISE JEEBUS FOR LIKING US MORE.

Redshirt

I never thought I would see anything rivaling my Bengals going Super Saiyan Derp in playoffs this year, but damn UNI you may have ascended beyond that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do we even bother with the Oregon game after that? I’m spent.

Gratliff

That’s a screwdriver. They don’t make that color of powerade

BrettFavresColonoscopy

At least UNI still has a timeout left they won’t use.

Sill Bimmons

Just like Andy Reid.

litre_cola

Oh Sill, you always make me laugh.

Sill Bimmons

As do you:

comment image

Sill Bimmons

Done.

Sill Bimmons

Should’ve been a foul on the catch.

Gratliff

But did he maintain possession all the way through the motion of making a catch?

The Maestro

UNI hired John Bonham and Mama Cass Elliott to lead an anti-choking workshop on campus quite some time ago, but just like their lead tonight, it also fell through.

WCS

Wow.

Gratliff

Too soon

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah…that’s banner material is what that is.

herodotus450

I think technically John Bonham didn’t die from choking on his own vomit, but from straight up alcohol poisoning.

herodotus450

huh, my bad, according to wikipedia it was indeed choking.

herodotus450

I’m just not that great with History I guess…

litre_cola

I have no words. Just an internet clap for that one.

litre_cola

Anyone want JFF to show up for the sweet 16 in disguise????

litre_cola

Jerry Jones would still sign him. FOOTBALL TALK!

WCS

On an inflatable swan.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He could at least cater the post game celebrations.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did he take a heel to the jujubees there?

WCS

comment image

JORBBILLIE JORBILLIE JORBILLIE

Sill Bimmons

Things are still afoot, still aspiring.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sheeesh, nobody wants to win this one I guess.

Redshirt

Good. The Basketball Gods actually care about their sport. They won’t allow UNI to advance to the Sweet 16.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good passing by UNI, right up until white boy #3 was out of position. Someone get these kids a rain delay.

Redshirt

I don’t follow basketball but why didn’t they attack the basket to get at least 2 points out of the possession?

Gratliff

Panic.

herodotus450

I think the length of the defense was bothering them and it disrupted their ball control. If they had better hands it wouldn’t’ve been a problem.
/also know nothing about basketedball

theeWeeBabySeamus

WTG Dana…”Hey don’t forget you recently lost your father”
Stupid, stupid bitch.

herodotus450

I like to imagine all the possible words that G could stand for:
What the Gell?
What the Guck?
Wherefore, thou’st Gall!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sarcastic “way to go”.
She was doing the post game interview with Wiscy coach, brought up his dead father. Poor dude almost started crying on the spot.

Gratliff
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Great ending in the WI game

Redshirt

Okay, I’m starting to think that all Cincinnati sports teams are cursed.

Senor Weaselo

But it comes with a free Frogurt!

herodotus450

That’s good!

WCS

The frogurt is also cursed.

litre_cola

That’s bad.

herodotus450

The Kwik-e-Mart is so… D’oh”

Senor Weaselo

Hey, I lost another Final Four team! Woo!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re about to lose another if you had UNI

Senor Weaselo

I did not.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

S-M-R-T

Gratliff

God damn it, Xavier. At least let me save face

theeWeeBabySeamus

See, now that’s how you draw up a play.
You go, Wiscy.

litre_cola

They have all lost their legs. Shooting very poorly.

Makes me think of Holy Grail, and no legs.

herodotus450

Wasn’t UNI up by 11 with less than a minute to play? I could’ve sworn that’s why I switched games and took this whole bottle of sleeping pills.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Redshirt

Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. Wait.

Northern Iowa was up by 12 points with 44 seconds and they somehow gave it up. Is that even possible? How many own baskets where there?

litre_cola

Reggie Miller nods.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Some of those A&M cheerleaders are nailing the filthy Texas housewife look

Redshirt

In Ohio, we call that “shopping for a husband”.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t sleep on Xavier/Wiscy…they’re looking to go extras as well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Didn’t they have a fucking timeout left?!

ssi_bulldawg

And the commentators aren’t going to say anything about that or the shot selection?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

March Madness! Worse for your brain than Zika!

litre_cola

After that, he deserves to lose.
/He’s from Iowa, they nominated Cruz. He has lost already

ssi_bulldawg

Maybe he can’t count to 4? Or can’t say Mississippi?

Redshirt

I half expected one of those shots to go in.

WCS

WHAT IN THE PISS IS WRONG WITH ALL YOU DICKSHITS

ssi_bulldawg

What in the wide world of fuck?

Redshirt

Did both teams just use a cheat code? Is that why every 3 is going in?