Halted NFL Product Endorsements

With 69 days until the NFL season starts, it’s time to get back to focusing on what’s important in football: #brands

Through extensive research, bribes and the occasional sexual favor (I said I was sorry, Horatio!) the team here at DFO have uncovered these products that were expected to be launched as part of their company’s new marketing strategy, but were mysteriously halted before being released. While they all seem perfectly cromulent, we will never know if they would have been as successful as Wes Welker’s Depends or Peyton Manning’s, well, everything, we hope that their sponsors come to their senses and release these fine products someday soon.

Featured: Peter King’s NFL EZ Water Carrier

Philip Rivers’ Pregnancy Test:

Rivers-Pregancy-Test

Najeh Davenport’s Laundry Detergent:

Najeh-Davenport-Laundry-Detergent

T. J. Houshmandzadeh’s Word Jumbles:

TJ-H-Word-Jumble

Herm Edwards’ Headphones:

Herm-Edwards-Noise-Canceling-Headphones

Trent Green’s Memory Supplements:

Green-Smart

[Thanks to all of the Commentists in the back office for their various suggestions. There may be more in the future.]

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.
Subscribe
Notify of
41 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
inflatablepicks

Haha,its crazy commander
the marku hot tub

Don T

FUCK YOU YOU’RE PREGGERS
-The Angel Gabriel

/This post made my week. +1000000

Doktor Zymm

These are fantastic. I also assume that the Philip Rivers pregnancy tests will impregnate you if it turns out you weren’t already pregnant.

laserguru

Great stuff, Low Commander!

We have some really entertaining discussion threads behind the scene at the Secret DFO Underground lair and this was a really fun one.

Outstanding work and the winner of the Mad Skillz Photoshop Contest!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, OK.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Moose -The End Is Well Nigh Official gif maker and salad shooter.

/sorry

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Optional “Touchdown Seahawks” decal not shown

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
laserguru

Standard issue in Jacksonville.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, it can visit your team too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tom Brady Tissues; extra absorbent for the Patriots fan.

comment image

blaxabbath

TB12 All-Natural Human Suppliments

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

James Harrison #92 jars.

http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTA2NlgxNjAw/$%28KGrHqZ,!rQE+n%29qnLnLBQDR-80CrQ~~60_35.jpg

Sill Bimmons

The Chris Henry Guide To Healthier Relationships And Better Truck Safety

blaxabbath

Oh wow. You just knew SOMEONE was gonna go there. smgdh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also:

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hodor your money with Hodorclipz.

http://img66.anypromo.com/product/large/681102.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These will look great on NFLmemes tomorrow.

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Dammit, how do we get these Door Flies Open watermarks off of these pics?”

– NFL Memes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn it!

montythisseemsstrangetome

No prob, you were just NFLMeming me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are not that fast, but still, well done.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Joe Flacco knows a thing or two about tasteless endorsement deals.

comment image

blaxabbath

comment image

blaxabbath
blaxabbath

Beer Barrel?

comment image

montythisseemsstrangetome

These are outstanding! T.J. Whosyourmama’s word jumble is my favorite.