[DFOnline] Pokemon GO

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

Hello, and welcome to [DFOnline]. MikeWallaceandGromit is off tonight. I’m Senor Weaselo.

The game currently sweeping the world, or at least everyone under the age of 30, is Pokemon Go, for your smart mobile device. The way it works is fairly simple. You go around your neck of the woods, phone on, find Pokemon, try to catch said Pokemon. And holy shit yes it’s just the original 150 (151? Is it too much to hope for a Mew event?), but point remains, there’s no confusing “How many Pokemon are there again since they’ve added so many?” It’s just the original ones we know and love. And also Mr. Mime. I haven’t seen one yet, but it’s probably somewhere.

If you’re looking for the exact same thing as the last god-knows-how-many Pokemon games, there are differences. You don’t get to train your Pokemon the old-fashioned way of “go to this place for a long time and beat down wild Pokes until overleveled, go to gym, repeat at next route,” but by catching a shit-ton of the same thing to collect species-specific leveling candy which will strengthen and evolve your Pokemon of that chain. This is why everyone’s strongest monster seems to be a Pidgeot, Fearow, or Golbat, because every other Pokemon you see will be a Pidgey, Spearow, or Zubat. (Actually, that is like every Pokemon game.)

Gyms: Instead of going around set points to get badges, there are three teams (Valor, Mystic, and Instinct, or Red, Blue, and Yellow like the original games with mascots of Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos of course) to try and control Gyms, which are points here and there somebody deemed worthy of getting a Gym. This is the only time your Pokemon actually get to fight because they don’t have PvP yet, and even on this one you put a monster against the Gym and it does whatever against an AI attacking, you’re not attacking a human controlled player. But so far, it’s been a good-natured three-way turf. I give it a week and a half until there’s a news report of someone getting stabbed/shot over a Gym changing hands. If your Gym controls it and your Pokemon is strong enough you can get in on it and be a Gym Leader. I took over the Gym at the farm near my house (yes, there is a farm in New York City, believe it or not) and decided that only Pokemon I put in Gyms would be nicknamed, so I named my Fearow Barnstormer. Barnstormer then lost to the people right next to me also trying to claim the Gym, but for a couple minutes I was a Gym Leader.

The biggest complaint by far is the servers. If you want the full ‘90s experience, you got it, because the servers will crap out on you all the time, and especially if it’s midday or if you’re fighting a Gym battle! They’re working on it because they underestimated the number of people or something like that, because they didn’t believe everyone would want to play Pokemon on their phones. This is actually worst in Gym battles, where you’re winning but something breaks so you don’t get to land the finishing hit on a Pokemon and it just times out and you have to force quit. Eight times in a row. And on the ninth the server is down for the next 20 minutes and you go “fuck it.”

Apart from that, it’s addicting just on the merits of “Oh holy shit, it’s a ____, I need to catch it.” Because we all wanted to be Pokemon Masters when we were little, and now we can at least try. I was way too excited to catch a Fearow (Barnstormer actually) because it was stronger than the one I had, and way too disappointed at that Porygon running away. And if you understood and recognized any of the proper nouns in this write-up, that’s enough of a reason to get Pokemon Go. But let’s be honest you probably already have it in that case, since it costs nothing but whatever the inevitable data overages will cost you (but it hasn’t been too bad for me, in almost three days I’ve used about 85 MB). So who’s got stories? What team’d you pick, what cool things did you catch, what’s your main squad?

The type coverage on this team would cripple me in the original games, but I haven't seen anyone with a Rock-type.
The type coverage on this team would cripple me in the original games, but I haven’t seen anyone with a Rock-type.
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.

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WhyEaglesWhy
SonOfSpam

To echo Balls (what a weird thing to type), what in the everloving fuck are you whippersnappers talking about???

I only know Chinpokomon.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

While never a big Pokemon player myself, my son took to it fast a few years back. At 8, I was able to get him to walk 3 miles with nary a complaint. Decent sized city park with a lot of landmark type things there, so it worked great for Pokemon Go. Now he’s collapsed in the corner of my sectional, trying to understand what the strange feeling in his legs and chest are.

obscurejones
obscurejones

The extent to which people in my hometown are dividing along brand new sectarian lines is amazing. All of a sudden my best friend is the drug dealer down the street. He may spend a lot of time hanging around the local elementary schools but god damn it he’s holding those gyms down for Team Blue.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stupid sexy Drowzee.

ballsofsteelandfury

This post might as well have been written in Welsh. I am one of the few people in my generation that never got into Pokemon.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Same here. All my time was spent on tabletop RPGs.

Until about … a month ago.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For years I thought it was Jamaican homosexuality.

Doktor Zymm

I caught a pokemon this morning. Then the app froze, I went to the gym, and now i’m part of the way to drunk. I am the proud enslaver of a single squirtle.

SonOfSpam

Are we not doing phrasing any more?