INT. GIANTS PRACTICE FACILITY – DAY
We follow from over the shoulder of a tall, strong, confident young man as he strides through a hallway in the Giants practice facility in East Rutherford, New Jersey. He pauses in front of the door, then hammers both his palms into it, causing the DOOR to FLY OPEN.
ODELL BECKHAM JR.: Eli!
ELI APPLE: [grinning] What’s up baby?
ODELL BECKHAM JR.: [good naturedly] I’m gonna light you up today!
ELI APPLE: Oh oh oh! We shall see!
OLIVER VERNON: Mr. New York!
ELI APPLE: [mimes finger guns]
OLIVER VERNON: Ha ha ha! Yeah!
RASHAD JENNINGS: I’m coming round that corner, Apple!
ELI APPLE: I don’t think so, buddy, THIS GUY ME I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP CAUSE I’M GONNA BUILD ME A WALL AND MAKE YOU PAY…[dances towards JENNINGS with his arms out wide, mirrors JENNINGS as he attempts to sidestep around him, then grabs him in a big hug and ruffles his hair]
RASHAD JENNINGS: [laughing] You’re all right, rookie.
ELI APPLE: Hey guys, what time is it? Could it be…FIVE O’CLOCK?
ELI APPLE proceeds to run through the defense’s section of the locker room with his hand raised in the air, and all the players raise their own to slap him high five as he passes, except for Jason Pierre-Paul, of course, who frowns. ELI APPLE stops in front of him.
ELI APPLE: Come on, big daddy! Whaddaya say? Three-fifths compromise?
JASON PIERRE-PAUL cannot help himself, and he grudgingly smiles and gives ELI APPLE as much of a high five as he can.
ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] I don’t understand it! Why is the stupid new kid getting all the attention? I’m the guy who’s been with this team for twelve years. I’m the guy who led us to two Super Bowls. I’m the guy who’s out there every game, taking the big hits, playing hurt, putting the team on my back. I’m the guy who kept his mouth shut when Old Man Coughlin found out about the homework-for-Pokemon scheme that Victor Cruz was running out of his locker. Why is he so popular?
ELI APPLE: [approaches MANNING, holding out juice box] Here you go, Chief! Gotta keep them energy levels up!
ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] You know what? Maybe this rookie isn’t so bad after all.
This week’s theme: FRUIT! And since Olivia isn’t watching, let’s throw in SUGAR as well! Have at it, folks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgJ3115crnM
White Stripes – Apple Blossom
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y8gU1zhzJ2E
Monty might kill us if this wasn’t included
R.E.M. – Orange Crush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UQK-UcRezE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wyX9LpA-Z0
Just give JPP 40 acres and two mules and he’ll be cool.
Coach Zimmer is a big fan of this, during the offseason.
Bob Marley and the Wailers – Guava Jelly (Green Door)
Iggy Pop’s Candy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bLOjmY–TA
Bikini Kill-Candy
https://youtu.be/aQK40JentQI
The Flaming Lips – She Don’t Use Jelly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfxKbpoxRE
Phish – Mango Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tim3rYmRrdo
Def Leppard- Pour Some Sugar of Me
https://youtu.be/AQ4xwmZ6zi4
And to double up on the 80’s hair metal
Warrant- Cherry Pie
https://youtu.be/OjyZKfdwlng
The CARS – Candy-O
https://youtu.be/MxB8Z7GL6yc
Archies – “Sugar Sugar” Maryanne video
https://youtu.be/64mAgL8G4-E
Shows why she was always better than Ginger.
This video is worth a viewing as well.
No Sugar Tonight – The Guess Who
https://youtu.be/nPqT031SWT4
Fiona Apple – Shadowboxer
https://youtu.be/QnXjISlKLuE
Chuck Berry – Maybellene
https://youtu.be/75RiHJGfyUE
Chuck Berry – You Never Can Tell
https://youtu.be/RoDPPgWbfXY
Blind Melon – No Rain
https://youtu.be/3qVPNONdF58
My Blind Melon contribution – Venie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq_Mtqm7rTA
A song so easy, even Michael Cera could play it!
Echo and the Bunnymen – Lips Like Sugar
“SHIT!”
[scrambles around war room trying to revise draft board]
– Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Peaches & Herb – Shake Your Groove
https://youtu.be/4YV5jSuv_S0
Garbage – Cherry Lips
https://youtu.be/Cy1LdAaGASw
Candyman – Grateful Dead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEFPOqEmxHU
Double shot!!
The Electric Prunes – I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night
https://youtu.be/F-kVFfKezVo
Bananarama – Venus
https://youtu.be/NkcU2_Vs7Xw
The sugar part –
Bow Wow Wow – I Want Candy
https://youtu.be/aMICD3aMZpw
I like melons.
Primus – Over the Electric Grapevine
Strung Out – Rottin’ Apple
My coworker would kill me for not including a PRINCE DOUBLE SHAWT:
Raspberry Beret:
Peach:
A hint for the third! This came out ten years after the song in question.
Another hint (cause this is so arbitrary there’s no reason to drag it out) – you may remember SLAM DUNK #3 from the end credits of a heist-gone-bad movie.
Yeah, you put that out there. What do I win?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbgv8PkO9eo
Yeah, like I’d thought THAT far ahead. This was kind of fun, maybe I’ll think of something in the offseason and work it in next year.
I’m not proud of this.
God, Warrant sucked.
Cherry Pie – Warrant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjyZKfdwlng
“Agreed, I do not care for warrants either”
– Tre Mason
From the same album:
Cherry Bomb – The Runaways
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNxKpYOOYvM
For my money, pound for pound this is the greatest stripper music ever.
And still the most popular song in the greater Midwest.
White Stripes, Apple Blossom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8gU1zhzJ2E
Oh that’s good.
DOUBLE SHOT
Sugar Never Tasted So Good – White Stripes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOMHw_qigW0
TPOTUSA – Peaches
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvAnQqVJ3XQ
There are three songs (of the “fruit” variety) that I consider to be slam dunks (not including the Lemon Song, which is one too but not one of the three I was thinking of). This is one of them. See if you can guess the other two!
Maybe this one:
The Beatles – Strawberry Fields Forever
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UQK-UcRezE
Swish! There’s number two!
My third would probably be this one. My Dad had this record growing up, and I remember my brother playing it a lot for some reason. I am sure yours is different.
Fats Domino – Blueberry Hill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek1P7GM33so
Peaches in Regalia – Phish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icsAghjLVuE
You know who wrote the original don’t you?
ZAPPA!
(I actually think he is fine, albeit a bit of psychopath, it’s just his fanboys are the worst. This is the truest article the The Onion has ever written: http://www.theonion.com/article/frank-zappa-fan-thinks-you-just-havent-heard-the-r-4644. Please don’t spend the next three hours trying to convince me of his genius.)
I’d put this whole album on here
The Allman Brothers – Blue Sky (from Eat a Peach)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwyXQn9g40I
Remember this one? Don’t think we saw it last week, though it would have fit right in.
SOUNDGARDEN DOUBLE SHAWT OF APPLE JACK:
Applebite:
Black Saturday:
You asked for this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyhu2ysqKGk
Zeppelin – Lemon Song
Swish! Let’s see if there’s a second shot if we squeeze that lemon hard enough…
How about some Tangerine with that Lemon?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyM4vxxu2jA
Well this is an interesting find…