Welcome back NFL 2016-2017 Season. As many of you may be aware, the 506sports.com posts a useful broadcast map of the Sunday games each Wednesday afternoon. Last year, I did some breakdowns of these maps, and I will attempt to do the same this year. It’s good to be back into the swing of things again.
On to the maps.
National Games are as follows:
TNF: Superbowl LI rematch of Donks-Panthers. The Broncos are akin to a computer gamer who uses mods to make the video game he is playing extremely difficult. Let’s see if they can follow-up on their “No QB, No Problem” strategy of 2015.
SNF: Greatriots-Cards. You know what I miss, NFL football. You know what I do not miss, Cris Collingsworth calling an NFL game, especially one involving the P*Tr*ots****.
MNF (Opening Week Double-Header). 1st Game: Steelers-[*Redacted] s. Continuing that proud tradition of unforgettable Monday Night Football, here comes Washington. One week this year, we may even be blessed not to have an NFC East team on either a 4PM slot or primetime.
2nd Game: Rams – 9ers. Pornstache vs. Chip Kelly’s Reign of Terror Part Two.
CBS
Cincy @ Jets (Red). Shown in most of the NE, Midwest east of the Mississippi, most of the South, and curious patches of Texas. Based on last years records, it could be a good matchup, but then again, these are two snake-bitten franchises so it could be a 12-9 FGapaloozo I know you all love and cherish.
Browns @ Philly (Green). Dear god no. What did Montana do to deserve this?
Chargers @ Chiefs (Yellow). This one is randomly broadcast in Austin so King Laserface has a chance to show those Texas Hipsters the Immalculate Floating Arc. Also, watch Andy Reid waste all his timeouts in the first 5 minutes real-time.
Bills @ Ravens (Brown). This one is fairly limited to natural markets. This year is likely Rex’s last pussyfest if he does not make the playoffs.
Dolphins @ Seahawks (Blue). Lone late CBS broadcast, which I will have to award the FEMA Epidemic Map award for this week, because of the random and disjointed distribution of broadcast coverages. Do you guys know it is loud at CenturyLink? Dan Fouts will let you know that a lot because he cannot remember that he said the same thing 2 minutes before.
Fox (Early)
Packers @ Jags (Red). Most of the country has the privilege of watching Aaron Rodgers Murder-Death-Kill the Jags at 1PM.
Bears @ Houston (Blue). Don’t Care vs. Nobody Cares about the Texans. Exciting stuff. I hope Cutler’s apathy reaches Lost Generation levels this year.
Raiders @ Saints (Green). Mostly limited to their core markets. I do not have much to say on this one.
Bucs @ Falcons (Yellow). If the Georgia Dome exploded in the middle of this one, would anyone notice?
Vikings @ Titans (Brown): What Oklahoma due to deserve this? Do you Oregon Ducks fans want to see how Mariota’s career dies a premature death?
Fox (Late)
Giants @ Cowboys (Red). Another year, another disproportionate amount of NFC East games on premium times. Things I did not miss part #2. Joe Buck announcing NFL games.
Lions @ Colts (Blue). Neither team managed to monopolize coverage in their home state.
These maps are subject to change, and I will post an update on Sunday morning last year.
Enjoy.
Browns @ Philly (Green). Dear god no. What did Montana do to deserve this?
Dallas, however, knows exactly what they fucking did.
Since I dropped Sunday Ticket, I will be paying a lot more attention to this post this year.
Given that, I think I’ll go work out this weekend. Man, those are shit games in LA!
/sees email from Directv announcing free preview of RedZone for Week One.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The 506 is the best. The mobile version keeps my elderly neighbor from sending me urgent, misspeeled, last minute texts asking where some random Minor League Football game that he has money on is going to air. Also love this feature; glad it’s back.
Just a few things though: Just like there’s no “h” in Cris, there’s no “g” in Collinsworth.
That green state is North Dakota (Like Rayne Dakota (Dak!) Prescott).
“What Oklahoma due to deserve this?” That right there is the Sam Bradford Boomer Damn Sooner Effect.
We cool?
I generally don’t bother to proofread these things.
I like how Raleigh randomly gets Raiders/Saints, though I will happily watch RedZone exclusively. And hope for LOTS of Lions/Humps in the late window.
[Looks at bottom map, has coughing fit, faints]
-Hillary Clinton
I thought of that as political map, too. I’ll definitely be killing myself after Superb Owl if it comes to pass.
Jesus. The Giants-Cowboys map is another terrible reminder of all the fucking chuckleheads slobbering over the Boys’ nuts twenty-plus years after their last SB appearance.
What about us Giants chuckleheads with saliva issues? Huh? Huh?
Eh. I’ve hated Cowboys fans forever. I don’t care about you.
I Knew That Months Ago, the brother, flies in from L.A. today. I’m psyched as fuck.
What did the Pacific Northwest do to avoid the NFC East shitshow at 4?
Seahawks are playing at that time. They generally do not broadcast a game on the other network if the home team is on during the slot.
Missed that bit in the writeup.
I believe it’s a hard rule. The only possible exceptions are in the NY and SF Bay markets because each has two teams.
Looks like my comment about having never seen a JAX game in my life was heard by the fine folks over at Fox. Why they did not realize, however, was that this was by choice.
Also, I look forward to seeing DAL early this season. I want to know what I’m talking about when I see this team — nay, this franchise — is fucked.
What more do you need to say than Mark Sanchez?