Your “Insert British Colloquialism Here” Colts/Jags Early Morning Football Open Thread

Hear ye, hear ye, I don’t have any Sunday morning errands/chores to do because football starts so early! Of course the down side of this is that I should be ‘football-ed out’ by about 7:30 this evening. Whatever. This London game is great in theory-NFL fans in the U.K. get to watch a game live. It’s a treat. Sure the games have not been of the best quality nor has the field been in the best of shape (I recall a Fins/Giants tilt from a few years back that was a mushy, slippery, rain-drenched eyeball-scorching travesty of an affair) but..I have nothing to end this sentence with. (aside from a preposition) TO THE GAME!

Indy/Jax-The Colts have a comfy 21-9 series lead and their entire starting D on the field for the first time this year. Their goal? Be average. That’s all it will take to beat a Bortles that has clearly regressed from last year. Opposing D’s have locked down on wr Robinson, limiting the damage he can do and Blake has time and again misfired on passes to Hurns (he of the 1000+ yards and 10 TD’s last year) and Lee. This is where a young running back should be stepping up and Yeldon has done so 2.5 yards per carry at a time. So the Jags are gonna lose. So do they fire Bradley? Probably. But this brings up the issue of who replaces him. The OC Greg Olson doesn’t look like a ready candidate and DC Todd Wash was just promoted from D-Line coach in January. No matter what happens, the Jags seem likely to have lost one year of competitive football.

Now take a big swig of that Bloody Mary and LET’S GET GOING!

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JustStopDude

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King Hippo

I’m gonna stare at this for like an hour. One of my kids will notice, and this will be uncomfortable.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only just realized she’s holding a phone.

Redshirt

Wait a minute. I’m voluntarily watching a Colts-Jaguars game. What happened to my life?

King Hippo

if you combined the weight of ALL our bad life choices…holy tapdancing Jeebus

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Considering you can only accept one penalty per play, some team should have a play where they attempt to commit EVERY penalty in the rulebook at the same time.

King Hippo

I’ve always wondered, when a team needs like 20-25 yards to get in prayer FG range with like 10 seconds to play, why the defense doesn’t just like hogtie every fucking eligible receiver.

Redshirt

Probably not because that would result in a ejection (Flagrant Foul), a touchdown for the other team (Palpably Unfair Act), or the game retroactively being turned into a loss (Extraordinary Unfair Act).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually should have thought they should have invoked that on the Tomlin thing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I called my mom and left a message. Thank you time warner and making it cheaper to keep a landline than not having one because of bundle prices. I really was gonna ask one of you to text her, because I really think my phone is now a brick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, this is Dave.”

– Trent Green, attempting to answer a brick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m rooting against the Jags here only because I want to see the London coach monster claim another victim.

King Hippo

2-nil Spurs! Looks like the 72 Dolphins can pop champagne today, Citeh won’t go 38-0…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, Colts, did the Seahawks teach you nothing? You gotta knock that ball out of the end zone! It’s totally legal!*

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

*not legal in continental United States.

JustStopDude
Lord Joe Don Looney

Keys to the game: Lots and lots of beer.

/dick joke

Redshirt

But its not even 10AM. Isn’t that sign of alcoholism?

King Hippo

sticking to pills today, my liver hurts

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m all out 🙁

King Hippo

sorry, homey that is THE WORST FEELING

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, I gotz booze.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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King Hippo

is Allen Robinson even on the bloody pitch??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trent Green did a great job presenting those “keys to the game” considering how hard of a time he had remembering where he put his keys this morning.

...

Does Bortles still have that stupidly busty girlfriend so I can justify posting pictures of her?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, even by Jags-Colts standards this is a lousy game so far.

King Hippo

BLEERGH made it!!

Lord Joe Don Looney

Hodor Derp!!!

King Hippo

did Tomsula ever get one of these? He seems like he would have dug the chav scene.

/also, that was a bit shit, Andy…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Can someone text my mom to tell her I won’t make it to our Sunday brunch because of London football. I got the message last night but my phone is really broken now I think. Only like 20% joking

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, I wanted another punt!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“And the punters are out in full force today in London, Trent.”

Col. Duke LaCross

‘A the donald duck ya doin’ boys?

/cockney translator may be drunk

yeah right

Christ it’s too early to be up on Sunday.

Road trip! To the hall of the Boltman we go!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rock on, you long-haired, overfed, leaping gnome.

King Hippo

did you take a sacrifice? if not, just go with it when you feel an electric tingling in the butt area

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good advice foar any occasion, actually.

King Hippo

thrilling fackin’ start. HE HOLDS IT. HOLDS IT!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey London, you told us you like seeing the ball kicked and we heard you loud and clear!

King Hippo

fast kicking, low scoring action!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blake Bortles begins boffo British bid!

King Hippo

serious question – why doesn’t the Shield schedule these for when the EPL is on international break (as it is next weekend) at least? One assumes Spurs/City commands quite a bit of local attention…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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JustStopDude

He gave em a googaly wit e’s rodger e did!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OH THANKS A LOT SIDELINE REPORTER FOR WAITING UNTIL AFTER THE KICKOFF TO TELL US JULIUS THOMAS ISN’T PLAYING.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I hate everyone for doing the national anthem. You know people only started doing it because the Cubs found out it made more money back in the 20’s

Boobs, fuck you national anthems

http://66.media.tumblr.com/dadd8271b64362229f38c2e7ad5cc14a/tumblr_nu3j9nYfrF1tbs59no1_1280.jpg

Redshirt

Okay, kneeling for the National Anthem on US Soil, is a sign of protect.

But kneeling for “Star Spangled Banner” and standing for “God Save the Queen” has to be slightly disrespectful.

King Hippo

shit, I can’t even say anything smart-assy about that anthem rendition. Fucker NAILED it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is it disrespectful to all of America that I spent the national anthem putting away dishes, or just to the troops?

King Hippo

I will assume the inevitable and note that Blake Bortles and the Humps’ OL are really having a mare today.

King Hippo

oh Christ, where in the fuck do you imagine Trent Green thinks he is right now??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yemen? Yemen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Greenville, North Carolina.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Btw RTD, you do realize I might have to call you names later when the Raiders roll into Baltimore and make the Ravens their bitch, right? Don’t take it personally. 😉

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are you kidding? If the Raiders play well enough to warrant it, I’ll be a happy camper.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh bollocks!!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

Again, it’s something in the water. Because Kelly and Lucy aren’t alone in their boobedness.

They’re positively Brobignandian

http://www.celebzen.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Kelly-Brook-push-up.jpg

JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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JustStopDude

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Lothar of the Hill People
DontHair

Jesus H

theeWeeBabySeamus

Even he’d want to titty fuck those.
(don’t worry, if there is a hell I was already headed there anyway)

Lothar of the Hill People

I’d like to insert something into HER British colloquialism!

http://fullhdpictures.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Lucy-Pinder-Photos.jpg

Lothar of the Hill People

Isn’t ‘Bortles’ already a British euphemism, for something like when a toothless prostitute takes a dump in your tea cup while give you a handjob with a teabag?

E.g., ‘I say, old chap, I was chuffed to the stuffins that old codswalloper started tingling my nard-parts!’

‘I say, old bean, I agree. But when she started Bortling you, I nearly clotted in my jagura!’

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am already bored

King Hippo

BEEEEEEEE AVERAGE!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

My new rally cry…right there.

Lothar of the Hill People

My high school had two cheers during basketball season–we might have gotten them from Northwestern.

‘It’s alright, it’s OK–we weren’t ranked anyway!’ (a variant of ‘It’s alright, it’s OK–you’ll work for us someday!’)

‘Our SATs are higher! Our SATs are higher!’

theeWeeBabySeamus

First we send GT/BC to Ireland. Now Colts/Jags to London.
At least we’re exporting our best products tho.
/rolleyes

King George is going to raise our tariffs again if we’re not careful.

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