2016 Quotables (Week 5 – Results)



I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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Another week, another batch of tweet-sized brilliance. As someone who has gets to go through the pile of Quotables submissions, I can see many of you have hit midseason form. The shock of  nearly all of last season’s NFC division champs having fallen from grace no longer shows up in the riffs whereas, now, we’re back to hustling about Ryan Fitzpatrick MAYBE not being worth his contract, Borck Osweiler MAYBE not being worth his contract, and, holy shit, the Vikings, Raiders, and [Falcons, Ratbirds, or Cowboys] look to be for real! Also, a few of you (one of you, I’m sure, with multiple handles) seem to just really HATE DeMarco Murray.

Football is better when fans hate top fantasy performers (Murray takes on the Cleveland D this week, by the way).

In other hilariousness, Yahoo (of forcing out male employees and losing $95 billion in value fame) has this piece about how the NFL can fix it’s rating decline. Included in the suggestions from Yahoo (of $17 million to steam Bills/Jaguars in London fame) is to improve the quality of the nationally broadcast games. So, you know, something to think about while you’re out enjoying something other than football next Sunday.

That said, onto this weeks champs!

“This is the Tannehill Adam Gase chooses to die on?” -Why Eagles Why
“Maybe I should take the O line out to someplace better than CiCi’s pizza for dinner.” -ArmedandHammered

“Nice try Blain, but you still ain’t no Sex Cannon” -Dok Zymm

“Tight butthole, goddamnit. TIGHT. BUTTHOLE!!!” -King Hippo

“Old white man gets confused when you take away his guns.” -nomonkeyfun

“Now you see the genius of Matt Stafford’s ‘Eat until you have skull fat’ diet.” – Lothar of the Hill People

“Nobody Could Have Possibly Seen This Coming” -Unsurprised

“And Horse Ball Anderson’s Horse Balls shrunk three sizes that day” -BFC

“Tom McMahon, who spent many formative years as a broadway choreographer prior to be coming a special team coach, was disappointed by the lack of ‘jazz hands’ on the play…” – Anonymous Commentist

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Once again I laugh at most of my entries, and then when I see what won, I realize that there are a lot of funnier people than me.


oops…I need to learn how to post. That last one was from me…


Unlike most of its attempts at hacking, anonymous’s hackery won my heart

Doktor Zymm

Between this and HRTN I think we officially have the BEST FRIDAY CONTENT ON THE INTERNET!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh


Don T

Oh I got an inkling of who the DeMarco deniers may be.
Unrelated: I’m thirsty as hell. I could really go for a metric amount of a popular type of soft drink.
/Cheers dude; rooting for DGB to stretch that Eagles O. Fpr real.

Don T

God dammit.


Great work fuckers.

Hell, I got on the list, you know, like one of those good lists and shit, and I think all the other comments are better than mine.


King Hippo’s made me literally LOL at work right now.

Great Fucking Hustle!