The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse. A meeting is in progress. In attendance are Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, Ballsofsteelandfury, WCS, Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Sill Bimmons, Doktor Zymm and Cookiethulhu. They’re sitting at a wooden table. It has the club logo in it. It’s pretty cool. Hey, remember when the website had that cool wooden logo? I wonder whatever happened to it. Just got thrown into the trash, I suppose, with all the other useless junk.

Sigh.

But nevertheless, intense discourse is in progress. Brows are furrowed in deep contemplation as matters most grave are discussed in serious tones.

DTZM (banging his gavel on the table to bring the meeting to order): Okay, if you guys could stop talking about Scarlet Johansson’s boobs for a minute…

WCS: Never gonna happen, boss.

Sill Bimmons: In truth, they doth approach perfection!

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting Sill a finger gun): You got that right! Let me tell you, I’ve seen my fair share, and…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Like, in real life, man, or on the internet?

Ballsofsteelandfury (annoyed): What? I mean… Of course I’ve… Y’know…dozens!

WCS and DTZM (in unison): Internet.

Ballsofsteelandfury (slumping down in his chair): You guys are jerks.

Doktor Zymm: If ve could get past ze boob-talk…?

DTZM: Right! We have an important matter to discuss. One of our new prospects, Cookiethulhu, says that he has an idea on how to fix Moose. As you all know, Zymm burned out his fission-cell batteries when she brought Marc, CB and everyone else back from the past last year.

Doktor Zymm: It vas ze ape zat did it. I had not counted his mass into my calculations.

DTZM: So with the replacement lithium batteries not holding up to Moose’s…exuberant…lifestyle, we need another option. And Cookiethulhu here says he has one.

WCS: So tell us, prospect, what’s this plan of yours?

Cookiethulhu: Well, old chap, it’s simplicity itself! Moose needs a fission-cell battery, and the only place to get one of those is in the future, right?

Doktor Zymm: Unfortunately, ja. I am vorking on ze technology, but vith all ze distractions lately…

WCS: Like making kissy-face with an old boyfriend?

A few of the DFOers giggle.

Doktor Zymm (frostily): Nein. Und who told you zat?

WCS: Well, Yeah Right said you and Po got all hot & sweaty on that volcano island of his…

Doktor Zymm (taking out a miniature recorder and speaking into it): Put Yeah Right on ze list.

The giggles stop. The room goes completely silent.

DTZM: Umm…

Doktor Zymm: Ve danced. Das ist alles. Zere vas no “kizzy-face.” Are ve clear?

WCS (gulping): Yeah! You bet!

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting double finger guns): Crytal-clear, Doc!

Sill Bimmons: We didst hear wrong, good Doktor! Take thee no offense!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (firing up his new lightsaber bong): Like…wait, man, there was kissing?

Doktor Zymm (rolling her eyes): I vill have to have a vord mit Yeah Right. Vere is he, by the way?

DTZM: He’s hanging out with his new friend Teddy.

WCS: That dead guy? What’s his deal, anyway?

Cookiethulhu (raising a furry red hand): I say, I can answer that one, old bean! He’s a draugr, don’t you know…an animated corpse. Rather like a revenant, eh wot?

WCS: That answers…nothing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (passing the lightsaber bong to Ballsofsteelandfury): Aw, Teddy’s cool, man. Like, you can’t hold being dead against him, you know?

WCS: So, no one cares that we have a dead guy hanging around?

Ballsofsteelandfury (taking a yuuuge hit): We already have an android from the future, the world’s smallest giant ape, a tiny lawyer, a pair of mad scientists…no offense, guys…and an elder god. So…nope.

Sill Bimmons (grumbling): I be not mad. Only slightly perturbed.

Doktor Zymm (shrugging): No offense taken. But back to ze zubject at hand…

WCS (accepting the lightsaber bong): Are we going to let him in?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Teddy? We should at least let him prospect. And that Hippo guy, too.

DTZM: We’ll bring that up at the next meeting. The one after this one. Because at this one we’re supposed to be talking about…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Diggler’s Donuts, man!

Everyone at the table looks at Marc Trestmans Windowless Van.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I got the munchies, man. We should like, go to the In-N-Out.

WCS (exhaling smoke): Weren’t you guys just there?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Yeah, but we ate all the SPONCH! already. That stuff’s addictive.

Sill Bimmons: Verily, ’tis true. It doth indeed be veritable ambrosia.

DTZM: You can go after the meeting. We still have matters to dis-

WCS (passing the bong to Sill Bimmons): Hey, have you guys noticed anything weird about the clerk over there?

Flashback to: WCS at the In-N-Out, with an armful of beer. He’s looking nervously at the iguana clerk. The iguana clerk stares unblinkingly back.

WCS: Umm…so, how’s it going?

Iguana Clerk: Thbpt.

Cut to: The DFO meeting again.

Ballsofsteelandfury: No. Why?

WCS: He’s just always…staring at me.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Well, try not to be so suspicious-looking.

DTZM (banging the gavel again): Guys! If we could get back to business here…

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting DTZM the fabled double-finger double-shot): Sorry, chief! It’s just cool having everyone in one place again…more or less.

Sill Bimmons (exhaling happily): Aye! ‘Tis indeed too long since our assemblage hath gathered, for foul and troubling forces doth seem to stand against us at every turn. Verily, ’tis as if the Norns themselves do cast their runes against us. But, yea, we shall persevere, even against the gods themselves if need be, for our glorious destinies must…

Doktor Zymm (taking the bong from Sill): Und zat ist enough for you! You get zo chatty ven you are gebacken.

DTZM: Thanks, Zymm. OK! Back to the matter at hand. Cookiethulhu, tell us what you have in mind.

Cookiethulhu: Actually, old chap, let me show you what I have in mind.

The DFOers stare in amazement as Cookiethulhu opens his mouth wider and wider. Then he reaches into it with a furry arm and roots around for a few moments.

DTZM (eyes wide, taking the bong from Zymm): I think I’m gonna need this…

Cookiethulhu takes out a conquistador helmet, frowns, and puts it on the table.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (putting on the helmet): Bitchin’, dude! Pass me the bong, boss, I’m gonna Vader that bad boy!

Cookiethulhu reaches back into his own distended maw and reaches around until finally latching onto what he was looking for. With a triumphant grin he pulls out Man in Plaid #2, still a mangled wreck after being run over by Wolfman Rob months ago, and drops him on the floor.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Hey, that’s one of those weird guys I saw by the In-N-Out! What the heck…?

Cookiethulhu: That is a Man in Plaid, old son. And he’s going to help us fix Moose.

To be continued…