Your “Monday, Bloody Monday” [no apologies to U2 whatsoever] NFL Open Thread

Glad to see you made it through the day. It’s always a bit of a relief to get this stupid day into your rear-view mirror, isn’t it? Going over the comments in the open threads yesterday, I must say that the vast majority of you typer-people showed their A-game. Tons of giggles were had by yours truly. [eyes dart back and forth] I’m sure quality work like that can’t be replicated for this tilt. [pregnant pause] TO THE GAME!

NYJ/Ari-For all those that are stashing wr Decker at the bottom of your roster it’s time to let him go-he’s done for the year. Speaking of lost years, the Jets are looking at same if they lose this one on the road. The only thing in their favour right now is that the Cards have lost 2 of 3 at home. Still, qb Fitz McHarvard has been heartily welcomed back to mediocrity by his arm, instincts and understanding of how NFL defenses work. So this seems like qb Carson’s game to win, right? Uh, over the course of the last 8 games he’s thrown 13 intercepts and fumbled 6 (!) times. It’s a bitch being 37 years old in the NFL. Lover of the deep ball and coach of the best (it’s debatable) young rb in the league Arians just can’t figure out what to do. Will he let his fella run wild like he did last week? Or will he continue to give the other Fitz, Brown and Floyd those big strike chances? Let’s find out, shall we?

I’m done-GO GO, GADGET FINGERS!

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Senor Weaselo

So what hilarious thing happens now?

Unsurprised

How is there still 8 minutes of game clock left?

Mr. Ayo

We’ll look at that after this break!

Mr. Ayo

Seriouly, DOUBLE MILES with the Capital One VentureCard!

trollsoharduniversity

Bowles: “Oh you think Fitz is bad? OK motherfuckers, check this shit out.”

makeitsnowondem

Damn you, Larry. One more three-yard catch. I’m barely asking anything here.

herodotus450
Senor Weaselo

Not Johnson down

King Hippo

very sad trombone

King Hippo

David Johnson *4 coming right up!!

JustStopDude

The new bacon king shit on your face sandwich. Its the Wensday girl shitting raw bacon and eggs on your chest you gay douch bag!!!!

JustStopDude

Sorry I am drunk…..Sales people bring the wost out in me….

King Hippo

I hate to think anyone still here isn’t drunk.

...

On the plus side, drunk you can easily get a job working for the ad company that makes Burger King ads!

...

This is the rough cut of every Burger King commercial.

trollsoharduniversity

I haven’t see a man named John Brown massacre people so bad since Pottawatomie.

King Hippo

Will I check my fantasy score if Johnson Four Scores? MAYBE!

Shogun Marcus

To all of you still watching the game
https://youtube.com/watch?v=oHDaKtx6bGY

King Hippo

that is some fine rock and roll there

Shogun Marcus

Top 5 live show for me. They were locked in and incredible.

Mr. Ayo

TOR could still come back.

Unsurprised

I was only referring to the Fincher films Reznor has done the soundtrack for when I mentioned “overrated crap.”

King Hippo

I am pretty film-stupid of late, which ones did he do?

Unsurprised

The Social Network (Reznor won an Oscar for that), The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, and Gone Girl.

King Hippo

I mean, I know that nobody would claim that NBK or the NBK soundtrack were crap, because I would simultaneously go insane defending artistic perfection, and get very, very sad about my ex-gf/love of my life.

Don’t nobody want that.

trollsoharduniversity

Theory: Someone convinced Fitz that when you get in the red zone, you throw to the other team.

Senor Weaselo

Throw to the red team in the red zone, duh doy!

Unsurprised

And here Mr. Fitzpatrick demonstrates the difference between PRECISE and ACCURATE

King Hippo

My cat has learned how to open doors. And he’s REALLY FUCKING PROUD of it. Like, he will jimmy open my bedroom door at 1am, walk around for 10 minutes (including going in and out of the bathroom cupboards, cause GODDAMNIT he can open that too) then go onto each kid’s bedroom.

It takes lots of patience and knowing your place to be a cat person.

Mr. Ayo

Squirt bottle. Apply liberally.

Unsurprised

Does he at least leave you alone when you shit?

King Hippo

thankfully, YES!

JustStopDude

As a bird person….fuck you you simpleton……..

King Hippo

My cat would gladly solve any of your bird-related problems!

JustStopDude

Sales meeting…I got dangerously drunk. Back to my pad to this…I will keep drinking to the last detail rather than watching this shit….

Unsurprised

Wise decision.

Redshirt

I was told this afternoon that I had to cover two shifts because my work has no communication and my boss asked me if it was okay with pulling a double shift. I considered inviting him to consume my fecal matter as a food, but I decided to be nice and take one for the team.

JustStopDude

I have a coworker, I am not a first language English speaker, that speaks loudly to me every fucking time. My english is better than his. I have read James Joyce….in English damnit….

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“He’s fine.”
— “Dr.” Pellman

Unsurprised

Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver-looking motherfucker.

Senor Weaselo

But HOW DOES HE REEEACH THESE KEEEEDS?

Unsurprised

PINK! PINK EVERYTHING! PINK ON PINK ON PINK!

King Hippo

I’m too drunk to understand the Westworld in my DVR, goddamnit. PUT IN GENO AND ENTERTAIN ME.

Unsurprised

I was sober and lost.

Shogun Marcus

Lazy, not scrolling back.
Hippo, while I agree Lost Highway soundtrack was mostly crap, it did do two good things.
1) Perfect Drug
2) Introduced Rammstein to a younger Marcus in college.

King Hippo

I thought the soundtrack was pretty good, but the movie was shit. I am not communicating well due to the copious alcohols.

Shogun Marcus

It was. Even at my artsiest surrounded by film majors trying to sway me, I could nawt be convinced otherwise.

King Hippo

“without you…it’s not as much fun to pick up the pieces” is a devastating fucking delivered as ONLY peak Trent can.

Shogun Marcus

Didja ever hear the one about how Downward Spiral is all about his doggie that passed? Has actual truth to it.

King Hippo

the one that jumped over the railing all excited after his show? I vaguely recall reading about that in Spin or Rolling Stone, back when there were magazines. I was like, SHIT, this guy was dark enough before THAT.

And like how the last bit of the album/CD was supposed to be “just do it…nobody cares at all” but he was worried peeps would take that all literal like.

Redshirt

So on a scale of herp to derp, how’s the game?

King Hippo

THREE scores!!! Did this suffice for you, brother of Johnson Sill?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Went for a cig, TWC ap still broken, back to Gotham I started at halftime. Which is a flawed but decent show unless Jada Pinkett Smith shows up, then it just gets bad with her insane line delivery.

I WOULD, like a checking DEPOSIT slip, thatwouldbeveryhelpful AT, THIS, TIME.

Unsurprised

Did Elin Nordegren teach Rodgers how to kill pests?

LemonJello

Enough of this shitshow.

May Bleergh bless and keep you all in the alcohol of your choice!

Goodnight, all you magnificent bastards.

Unsurprised

Later Tater

Unsurprised

comment image

Shogun Marcus

TOLD YOU! THE END IS NIGH!

Sill Bimmons
Shogun Marcus

Wimmens what do the rank
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U9y_gwaF8nc

Spur

The Jets got this right guys?

Senor Weaselo

By “this,” you mean “a stranglehold on my faith in my sports teams by dragging it ever lower?” They used to also have a stranglehold on my ideas of humanity’s nadir, but this election.

Unsurprised

Sure they do. And then we’ll all go to the park and celebrate. With booze. And women.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My Time Warner computer application isn’t working now. I might not be giving them enough credit and they broke it on purpose so I don’t watch this game.

King Hippo

I guess that’ll learn ya a lesson, young man.

Shogun Marcus
Shogun Marcus
King Hippo

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK. Hippo likey. Also may make Hippo pants tight.

/as if wearing pants

Sill Bimmons

The Jack Reacher films are fucktarded Scientology fucktardery on par with Battlefield Earth.

http://www.flickeringmyth.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/john-travolta-battlefield-earth.jpg

Redshirt

At least it might be respectful to the source material. I just watched “Noah”, and I’ve been rereading Genesis 6-9 over and over again to see how they came up with that.

Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

No big deal after all…

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+3%3A23&version=NIV

…some Christians always trumpet some verses but always forget the 2nd important one.

Spanky Datass

Tom Cruise as a tough guy action movie star lost it’s luster a long time ago … if it ever existed.

Unsurprised

Oh, goodie. Injury on the field so bad they cut to commercial.

Shogun Marcus

Thanks Hippo! Ever wonder what Mrs. Reznor looks/sounds like?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=jF6VO4nk1Cs

Unsurprised

This is the first thing you see when googling “trent reznor wife”

http://loudwire.com/files/2013/06/107351554.vldV9L9i.MARIQUEENMAANDIG0819.jpg

King Hippo

why is he so depressed again??

Unsurprised

He hasn’t been since getting off the junk. At least last I read, which was a couple of years ago.

Shogun Marcus

No junk or sauce. The last record was damn near happy ffs! Having kids n shit I spose. Might be a new record by years end.
/yes said record, is old
//fuckoff my lawn

Unsurprised

I’d be thrilled to get something that isn’t a soundtrack to some overrated piece of crap.

King Hippo

Lost Highway was a piece of crap, but his soundtrack was amazing. Then again…junk phase…

King Hippo

Yeesh, a non-depressed Trent Reznor is in itself depressing. Then again, fuck if I’m getting off the junk. I hated myself before it just as equally. Also, you could have stayed on it and martyred yourself to your art like Cobain and died a demigod, or lived on into musical irrelevance into a…Life is Good phase??

Christ, I hate to think of that happening to Cobain, though his kid deserved to have a father.

Life is just all sorts of fucked up. I don’t suggest participating in any meaningful way. Seriously.

blaxabbath

Oh yeah! State Fair is going on!

Finally, something to do other than watch the NFL!

Unsurprised

Deep fried dough!

Shogun Marcus

It’s nevar quick enough for my team, Texas or not it seems
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6Sj76eCy6ag

Shogun Marcus

Confusion boners activate!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=woAcXSMyCEw

Horatio Cornblower

That’s way too loud for a library.

Got any Kansas?

King Hippo

this makes a fine halftime ditty:

Unsurprised

Seems a bit on the nose for this game

Sill Bimmons

One of the first patients I ever treated was one of the original Tuskegee Airmen.

comment image

The gentleman was completely blind, No Light Perception, and had been for decades due to glaucoma.

Yet he still came in for his eye exam every year.

Unsurprised

I’m on listservs for actual lawyer shit now, with people discussing cases and specifics.

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Sill Bimmons

It’s not your mistake, it’s theirs.

Unsurprised

I’ve never felt more like a child out of my element than I have since I was admitted. It’s like everything I learned and prepared for and thought I knew about means absolutely nothing.

makeitsnowondem

I’ve been licensed for five years and still haven’t stopped not knowing anything.

Horatio Cornblower

A million times this. I’ve been at this since ’94, (sweet the dear baby Jesus one of you people kill me), and there is so much I have no idea of.

The key is to admit what you don’t know and then go find out about it.

Sill Bimmons

Imagine that your legal license requires you to hold people’s actual physical health and welfare under the same confidence and responsibility!

Horatio Cornblower

One of those 800 services? An attorney I’ve dealt with, who is one of the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet, has made serious money just by being in the right place at the right time when a big case gets called in. Makes me physically ill just thinking about, which calls for another beer.

Unsurprised

Oh, swell. That does justify heavy drinking.

King Hippo

I could do without the jizz about the flag bullshit, but USAA really is a damned fine insurance company.

Horatio Cornblower

My father says it’s the best thing about that all-expenses paid tour of Vietnam he got back in the mid-60’s.

Shogun Marcus
LemonJello

Fitz-magic? More like shit’s tragic, amirite?

Spur

I’m sick of seeing Willem Defoe in a dress

Col. Duke LaCross

There’s worse DeFoe out there, Lars Von Trier’s “Antichrist” comes to mind.

Mr. Ayo

Getting a little raw downstairs?

trollsoharduniversity

Boston area Jets fan meetup update: A bunch of suits in town on business walked in here for some drinks. One of them might get punched. The rest of them WILL get punched. I’m not sticking around to find out.

King Hippo

why not punch for those of us rapscallions not there?

King Hippo

SASSY REF DONE LAWST HIS VOICE

Spanky Datass

Two snapped vocal cords to the left and a circular arm motion to wind the clock.

blaxabbath

That SAG joke was……fucking terrible.

trollsoharduniversity

Boston area Jets fans meetup update:

Jets Jersey inventory: Thomas Jones, Chad Pennington, Curtis Martin, Darrelle Revis, Al Toon, somebody named Maynard, Wayne Cherbet, Brandon Marshall

blaxabbath

Needs more TEBOW

Horatio Cornblower

Are you sure that’s not really Wayne Chrebet and he’s lost?

King Hippo

GE-NO! GE-NO! GE-NO!