2016 Quotables (Week 8 – Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

Halfway point, bitches! Now, go ahead and stop me if you predicted all of the following for the midpoint of the season:

  1. The NFC East would have all four teams over .500
  2. The NFC West and AFC North would each have only one team over .500 (I’m sure you correctly predicted that the NFC South would only have one team over .500)
  3. The Titans would earn an overwhelming majority of Quotables appearances (well, you probably got that one too).
  4. RG3 has made exactly one Quotables appearance.
  5. Watching guys hurdle each other and officials blow obvious calls is getting old.

Anyways, since I like to keep things fresh, I’m providing my commentary instead of gif details this week. I don’t just judge, I put myself out there too.


And, as always, just remember that pretty much every gif can be summed up with either Yakkety Sax or “There is no sound yet I can still hear Chris Berman ‘whooping’ followed by a reference to a song older than my dad.” -Duchess


 

Former Tennessee Titans running back Eddie George plants a sword at midfield before the teams Thursday Night Football contest against the Jacksonville Jaguars
No amount of Eddie George voodoo is bringing back Rob Bironas, Bud.

I'd still move Beasley ahead of Romo on the depth chart.
I’d still move Beasley ahead of Romo on the depth chart.

Dr Leo Spaceman assures me this may actually make Cam's knee stronger.
Dr Leo Spaceman assures me this may actually make Cam’s knee stronger.

bills-fans-throw-dildo-on-the-field-against-patriots
I don’t understand why Sarah Thomas thought she had to mark the one yard line.

Couple more shots like that and he'll be speaking like a Yalie.
Couple more shots like that and he’ll be speaking like a Yalie.

Under any other general manager, a broken leg wouldn't be a death sentence.
Under any other general manager, that broken leg wouldn’t be a death sentence.

That Wilson is neither mobile nor responsible for long passes anymore makes me excited about the last two years of his cap-crippling contract.
That Wilson is neither mobile nor responsible for long passes anymore makes me excited about the last two years of his cap-crippling contract.

I've always said Cam Newton could learn a thing or two about how to handle a win from Jay Cutler.
I’ve always said Cam Newton could learn a thing or two about how to handle a win from Jay Cutler.
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/V8CTfnffv9DXi.gif

From the studio: “Is this play gritty, or athletic? I’m so confused!”

Duchess

And for a brief moment, the Ryan brothers and Gronk had the same thought “Wait did I leave that out?”

ballsofsteelandfury

Everyone is blaming Buffalo fans, but it’s obviously a Pats fan’s dildo. It’s white.

Trevor Semen
Trevor Semen

Cowboys: It worked with the Patriots and their white guys, why shouldn’t it work with ours?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

When did Ray Lewis become a Titan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that’s good.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is the greatest video I have ever seen in my life ??? pic.twitter.com/s4ImEW6DLz— Athletes United ™ (@AthsUnited) June 22, 2016

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/x8cmaOGh8epSo.gif

“I thought they named it the Brady Rule because it only applied to me.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/x8cmaOGh8epSo.gif

Jerry Richardson: “Damn! I paid good money for that one. Now its broken.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/bbBEoJDuNjfMI.gif?resize=480%2C270

“You call that ‘swinging’?” – Michelle Ryan

SonOfSpam

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/bbBEoJDuNjfMI.gif

RIP televisions in cop households.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/LVCFWKgkSk9vq.gif

And Jay didn’t stop running until he found his new home

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/LVCFWKgkSk9vq.gif

“Where’s the litter box?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Alternate:

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/LVCFWKgkSk9vq.gif

Cutler was leaving the field until someone used a can opener.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/11J3vDSlTouqI.gif

Fitz: “I call that a ‘brown out!'”
Manziel: “Amateur”

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

http://i0.wp.com/doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/bills-fans-throw-dildo-on-the-field-against-patriots.gif

Bleergh’s cult turned into a porn studio so gradually I never even noticed!

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

Alternate:

http://i0.wp.com/doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/bills-fans-throw-dildo-on-the-field-against-patriots.gif

That’s the new penalty flag from the official for Illegal Touching.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/8YsroeqKnGZ8Y.gif

Ol’DoubleJ: “See? What’d I tell ya, he’s a gott-damned star!”
Assistant: *whipers* “That’s not Tony.”
OlDoubleJ: *snorts coke off hookers chest* “YEEEEEEEHHAAAAAAW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!111!!!”

SonOfSpam

http://i0.wp.com/doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/bills-fans-throw-dildo-on-the-field-against-patriots.gif

“That looks just like the one I mailed to Jonathan Martin’s mother.”

– Richie Incognito

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/GKjQYQKh4ebDO.gif

Crowd: **Cheering** “He’s moving!”
Trainer: “These post mortem muscles spasms creep me the fuck out! Let’s get him to the glue factory.”

Trevor Semen
Trevor Semen

Newton: He can handle it, all bla- running quarterbacks have quite tough skin, it’s in their DNA.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seahawks Saints – A lesser known holiday than Halloween, October 30th is known as “No Saints Day” and is celebrated exclusively in the New Orleans’ secondary.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wade Phillips: Look at his tenacity! After all that adversity, he’s STILL scolding Cam Newton.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fitzmagic: They can teach you a lot of things at Harvard, but they can’t teach you purple monkey dishwasher.

SonOfSpam

“I understand completely.”

– Trent Green

LemonJello
LemonJello

NEVAR gets old. I laugh every. single. time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bills dildo – Rex Ryan was unimpressed; he’s waiting for someone to throw a pair of galoshes onto the field.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i2.wp.com/i.giphy.com/11J3vDSlTouqI.gif

Fitzmagic: “Purple monkey dishwasher mambo dogface banana patch.”

Ijalana: “Oh my lord, he’s gone Trent Green!”

SonOfSpam

Bonus points for the Steve Martin reference.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eddie George: They had a similar ceremony honoring fellow retired Titan Steve McNair, but it wasn’t publicized much because it happened when Nissan Stadium hosted an exhibition soccer game featuring Arsenal.

LemonJello
LemonJello

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/bbBEoJDuNjfMI.gif

“Oh, thank god. I thought he meant something completely different when Eddie said he was, quote: Going out there and swinging his sword around for everyone to see; unquote”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Charles Haley: “Amateur”

LemonJello
LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

http://i1.wp.com/i.giphy.com/bbBEoJDuNjfMI.gif

I thought we were done with the Steve McNair reenactments.

Don T

“For my next sword impersonation, Sage Rosenfels”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Gottdamnit! Beaten to the McNair joke!

Well done, good sir, well done.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FWIW, I posted my entries before reading anyone else’s, so any similarities are purely a coincidence that we’re both so smart and funny.

LemonJello
LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

And good looking