Your Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

I’m just going to get after it-

Car/LA-Them Panthers just love the NFC West-after all, it’s the only reason they have two wins. PFF’s second-highest graded player is dt Aaron Donald. Number one is (let’s all spit on the ground at once-1, 2, 3 *pfttt!*) is Brady-the bastard. The Rams Donald has 38 qb pressures so far, can stop the run and controls the wind with his mind. If he was as self-absorbed as JJ Watt we’d be sick of him now. So say a prayer for Carolina rg Trai Turner-may he heal quickly.

NO/SF-Everything is going right for qb Brees. And left, and short, and long, and down the sideline and in the end zone. He’s at 70%, has an 18/5 TD/Int ratio and sports a snazzy 104.7 qb rating. Damn. Balancing things out on O is rb Ingram, a fumbling bumbler that has somehow not taken advantage of opposing D’s that have been back-pedaling all game long. He’s been dumped on the bench in favour of 102 yard-gathering Tim Hightower. Did you read what I just typed? TIM. HIGHTOWER. I expect that Qb Kaep will sooner rather than later step over the bar of 164 yards passing per game that Gabbert abominated. Given that rb Hyde should be back today perhaps the Niners steal a second win.

Ten/SD-I guess de Bosa was all that. The fella has 26 qb pressures in only 4 games. Should be interesting, this matchup between him and rook rt Conklin who hasn’t given up a hit on Mariota yet. (Did I read that right?) The Titans have to win the lousy AFC South to get into the playoffs because 2nd isn’t going to get a wild card spot. Meanwhile, the Bolts keep stumbling around, winning games they shouldn’t (Broncs, Falcons) and losing games they shouldn’t (Saints, Raiders).

Ind/GB-Just after all the “What’s Wrong With Aaron Rodgers?” articles came out the fella started to come good on his obvious talent. For the last two weeks he’s 1st in TD’s, 2nd in completions and 3rd in passer rating. Look for those numbers to rise due to the Colts passing D being ranked 31st overall. Opposing qb’s have a 14/2 ratio against them. A shootout, anyone? Qb Luck is facing limpers and second-teamers in the Packers secondary although cb Rollins may be back from a groiner.

TYPE AWAY, YOU SILLY BANANAS!

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LemonJellonomonkeyfunBrettFavresColonoscopyKing HippoSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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nomonkeyfun

So I just got off the bus. A fight nearly broke out. Friday night someone puked on the bus at about 9pm. Wednesday I had a drink middle aged Asian woman rub her crotch on against my shoulder for most of the trip then sit down on my armrest for the last 5 mins of the trip.

How the fuck you doin’ boys and girls.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Apparently, not nearly as well as you are.

King Hippo

Alright, Donks. I need ONE of Booker, HEmanuel Sanders, or Virgil Green to score, and a non-loss in reality. A draw is acceptable and would be a fine addition to SNF magical lore.

Let’s hit that black hole HARD!

Wait, that didn’t sound good…

Old School Zero

CHARGERS PULLED THAT ONE OUT LIKE SHE SAID SHE WANTED A FACIAL

Senor Weaselo

“HUH? WHAT? FUCK YOU!” -Marmalard

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, SOMEONE doesn’t believe in wasting seed

King Hippo

Or surprise, surprise.

King Hippo

So, McCoy gives Rivers ONE shot, on an obvious passing down.

WCS

‘sup, shitheads?

Shogun Marcus

Aggressive incompetence.

WCS

This could easily be the DFO mantra/philosophy.

Shogun Marcus

You’re probably right, but…

Shogun Marcus

The only goddamn capers that better be in this fucking town by morning:
http://www.splendidtable.org/sites/default/files/styles/lede_image/public/capers.jpg?itok=pIy58GjB

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know we’ve been down this Samoa vs Thin Mint style battle, but capers are fucking gross

Romonobyl

Never cared for them. Tastes like salty fish turds.

Senor Weaselo

Chicken Francese>Chicken Piccata
/Casually shuffles away

King Hippo

that’ll leave a mark. Fuckers got my hopes up for re-animation in Survivor pool, too. SHIT.

Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit Colts! Why are you throwing? Run the ball!

Romonobyl

Until it works…

King Hippo

Never woulda figured SD for 2 defensive TDs in same game today.

Old School Zero

Goddamn, Chargers D. I can almost count on you.

Shogun Marcus

This is just going to make the inevitable sting more. Cobbdown.

King Hippo

Lionel Hutz needs FG practice, damn it!!

Also, what’s the enlightened way to say “Mike McCoy has no penis?”

entropy

“Mike McCoy is gender non-binary.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Gentle-beings of all species and genders, I bid you greetings!

I have survived another trek up I-95 without committing vehicular homicide (it was a near thing) – WTF is it with massive traffic snarls and slow-downs with absolutely zero apparent reasons for it? Just bunch up, slow down, stop, start getting back up to speed and then stop -lather, rinse, repeat.

Anyway to the important question: I have white cheddar popcorn to snack on – should I pair it with bourbon or beer?

King Hippo

watching from his dusky lair…

“grumble, grumble, I’ll prevent defense your MOM! grumble, grumble”

entropy

The following is a True Fact:

The SS Richard Montgomery went down in the Thames Estuary, on whose banks I’ve lived almost all of my life, back in 1944. She struck one of the many sandbanks that snake under the Estuary waters, and her back broke as she listed over the hidden curve. The vessel went down with somewhere between fifteen hundred and three thousand tons of live explosives inside it. These were determined to be too expensive to retrieve or make safe. So they sit out there in the water. Some three hundred blockbuster bombs on top of the pile, named for their wartime ability to erase entire streets with their blast waves. Thousands of other explosive devices underneath it. If the ship full of bombs went off, every window on the Estuary would shatter, we’d score at least a 4.5 on the Richter scale, the sea bed would get a new twenty-foot-deep crater, and a tsunami sixteen feet high would rush to shore and into London.

Shogun Marcus

Warren Ellis!!!

entropy

Hells yes, I knew I couldn’t be the only one read Orbital Operations.

Shogun Marcus

Been a devotee since Hellstorm and Doom 2099.

Romonobyl

Can they move it a little closer to Lincoln Financial Field?

entropy

Which part of “too expensive to retrieve or make safe” was unclear?

LemonJello
LemonJello

In 1944? I’m surprised they didn’t just detonate the whole mess in place and blame it on the Nazi’s.

Romonobyl

Good thing they’re having a barn-raising in Green Bay, they might have to take Rodgahs out behind it and end his suffering.

Claymaker
Claymaker

How many years like last year/this year will it take for the football media to admit that Rodgers isn’t ELITE any more?

4? 5?

Kungjitsu
Kungjitsu

If you live in Florida and haven’t voted yet (wtf is wrong with you?), vote yes on Amendment 2 to legalize that medicinal. My pops has glaucoma, which is sad. What isn’t sad is that he hates being high, so I’m gonna have a hook up from the get go.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you live in Florida

A. Whatever Kingjitsu said seems fine
2. Vote no on amendment 1: http://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2016/11/4/13485164/florida-amendment-1-explained?utm_campaign=drvox&utm_content=chorus&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter
? Vote for Hillary, dammit
& Bring friends and neighbors to the polls

entropy

Jesus. Amendment one sounds like something Snidely Whiplash would try to pass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, it was a ton of fun when utility execs got caught on audio bragging about how their “trick em” strategy was working.

entropy

I have returned from bar #1. Soon I am going to bar #2, where I occasionally draw things on the back of the menus and then get free booze for it.

Wish me luck, my fine motor skills are deteriorating rapidly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yet when I draw penises on menus I get asked to leave

entropy

It’s all about the level of competency, man. Crudely drawn penis = early exit, medically accurate depiction of infected glans = free booze.

Shogun Marcus

You were at CHUCK E CHEESE! smgdh

LemonJello
LemonJello

Tracing your own doesn’t count as “drawing.” smgdh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

Luck put a lot of English on that throw.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No, no, that’s just what he calls people who drive cars and use electricity.

King Hippo

A Case Keenum 2-minute drill is a very sad thing.