Amazement Is Not Leprosy Open Thread

As a ranked competitor in the World Series of Seething, I’m a fan of detachment. It is therefore distressing to see the proliferation of “that did not surprise me” as the go-to phrase for fake punditry. Bullshit: no one foresaw the Lions atop the NFC North. Not even Cootercrats.

Another one that sets me on edge is “I told you so”. In the NFL universe, every passing week is a set of narratives that is supplanted by a mostly new set. Nobody remembers that Arian Foster retired, much less he once topped the 2016 Dolphins depth chart at RB. Oh yeah, Zeke and DAK! are world beaters—when did you say it? Week 7? 5? Please: don’t grab a dog’s balls and then tell me it’s male. Besides, “I told you so” has that interplay of nagging and wisdom only one class of people can pull off: mothers. Otherwise, it’s a bad look—even for prophets.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuDlJ_Q3YTM]

NFL News:

Yesterday Robert Quinn checked himself in after feeling “sick”, and was discharged from the hospital today. All that was reported was that he suffered a non-football related illness. My guess? Ask the Vegas folks. They know what ails everybody.

• As to discernible maladies, Steelers DE Cam Heyward is out for the season for a “chest/pectoral injury” that requires surgery. In Denver, Trevor Siemian did not practice today, as he has a “banged up left shoulder“. Paxton Lynch took all first team reps and Aqib Talib returned to practice. The Broncos are on bye this week which makes me wonder if the NFLPA is taking it instead of the Broncos..

• On Sunday against the Dolphins, Todd Gurley will receive handoffs from Jared Goff. On a personal note, this news moved me to Google the Law of Diminishing Returns.

• Speaking of long marinations, the Minnesota Star Tribune finally releases the “Vikings Boot Walsh” headline. The Vikings sign Kai Forbath, and we will never know if Blair Walsh had the potential to go full Private Pyle on Mike Zimmer.

Getting back on topic, this year the No Fun League creep arrived early and has gathered way too much momentum. TV ratings went down and the Is The NFL Dying? wags quickly propped culprits: the Kaepernick Kneeling, flags flags flags, allegedly poor QB play, the Patriots being head and shoulders above everybody, ties, shitty games, other stuff… Lost in the shuffle have been momentous developments: both North divisions seem to lack serious contenders (so far), the Bills becoming frisky after an injury plague, Cris Conte did a good, the AFC West becoming the premier division, the AFC South upgrading from eyesore to pinkeye, Russell Wilson becoming Ben Roethlisberger West (or maybe the Pacific Wolverine), extra points kicks deciding games—hell, even icing the kicker has worked this year.

My point is: I don’t get the creeping ennui surrounding this NFL season. Granted, the Titans are honest to God watchable (#TOLJA), but that is far from it. Why, even all four NFC East have a lot to play for during their traditional primetime force feedings. Schadenfreude is much better with high stakes, I have found.

Tonight in NHL action, everybody plays, apparently. NBA–Brooklyn has a team? My God. Full NBA schedule here, NCAA here. The South American Eliminations for the 2018 World Cup continue. I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: these games are intense. There is a lot of contempt between the teams, and it is quite common for club teammates to tussle when playing for country. Uruguay goes to Chile to crack some skulls; goals are also an acceptable outcome for the charrúas. Colombia goes to reeling Argentina, and Brazil goes to, as Frank Sinatra would sing, Perooooooo.

Finally, a big shoutout to Beerguyrob, whom I hope is enjoying himself immensely. As for me, I’ll be staying away from gripes and bitching and overall meh-ness about this NFL season. I will enjoy the games; as for the rest, whatever.