Your “Just Goddamn Your, Goddamn it!” “AFC Division Game Open Thread

Chiefs GM John Dorsey: “Hey Andy, I called you into my office so that we might have a small chat before the game.”

Reid: “Yes, chef.”

JD: “Uh, right. Look, the organization has no issues with your results during the regular season. To be honest, I must say ‘well done!’.”

Reid: “As far as the steaks are concerned, ‘well done’ is not the best result.”

JD: “I’m so glad we’re on the same page here. The stakes are so much higher in the playoffs.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to add Steaks On A Plane to Netflix queue’] “Gotta agree with you there, chef.”

JD: “With just a little TLC I think you can get this team over the playoff hump.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to download (Don’t Go Chasing Chocolate) Waterfalls on spotify’] You’re so right, chef.”

JD: “Huh. Anyway, it’s very important that you go out there and battle. Battle really hard. You know what I’m getting at here? Embrace the battle”

Reid: “Sure do, chef. Sure do.” [mind’s eye fills with visions of Mario Batali making Mushroom Orzotto followed by Bucatini All’ Amatriciana]

Pit/KC– Hey, look at me-I’m cheering for the Steelers for the second time in 50 years. The last time? Last week. You see, if KC pulls this out a certain A. Reid (if it’s close towards the end of the game next week-highly unlikely) will commit some heretofore never-before-seen blunder that will sink the Chiefs Super Bowl hopes vs. the Pats. This is written in stone-DO NOT QUESTION IT. I’m a bit worried about the Chiefs wr wildcard that manifests itself in the form of Tyreek Hill. That kid has “early career Desean Jackson game-breaker before he got full of himself” written all over him. Between him and te Kelce they’ve accounted for 45% of total O yardage over the last six games. The Steelers have the firepower/balls to stick with the Pats and the Pats MUST. GO. DOWN.

Done. GIMMEE THAT THING THAT YOU GOT!!!

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Dunstan

This is a suspiciously competent-looking drive so far

Curse of Marino

Alex Smith yelling, sounds exactly like Andrew Luck’s normal voice.

LemonJello

Hodor? Hodor.

Curse of Marino

CAREER LONG DEEP PASS FOR ALEX SMITH

Smithchez

I don’t follow the Chiefs all that closely, but am I having a stroke or did I just hear an o-lineman with a French accent?

litre_cola

From our neck of the woods up here.

Smithchez

Ah. That makes more sense.

Sharkbait

The wife just casually asked if we wanted to go to the AFC championship game. Her reasoning is: ” we do have wedding money still”

Unsurprised

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

Unsurprised

Seriously, though, there has got to be a better way to spend that money than on a stupid football game.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

So, I don’t know as much about the AFC as I should. Anyone want to tell me why I should hate the Steelers/Chiefs?

WCS

There’s no real reason to hate the Chefs. The Stillers are fucking pricks, with an even worse fanbase. That all said,

HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO

King Hippo

my Trump-loving, UConn fan asshole former college roommate??

/also a Chefs fan

WCS

Andy Reid timeout counter: 1

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He lasted 5 minutes. He is doing better than normal.

LemonJello

Andy Reid Slab O’Ribs Counter: 17

Dunstan

“at least they got Kansas City to use a timeout” — Al Michaels

Like that’s difficult.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Steeler’s left guard is false starting every play

Sharkbait

Go for it!

Redshirt

Who’s the #2 seed again?

Dick E. Phuck

The Chiefs are because they are a perpetual number 2.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

The Falcons

Curse of Marino

I fully expect a

“Rothllisberger forcing his will on the Chiefs” from Collinsworth any second now.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope they talk about how cold it is.

litre_cola

So does Jimmy Graham, basketball player.

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t know Graham played basketball.

You’d think they’d mention that.

Unsurprised

Jesus Christ. Ben could’ve walked the fucking ball.

Curse of Marino

“Let Ben be Ben”

Wouldnt that make Pittsburgh the rape capital of the US?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He’s only one man, I doubt even he could make much a dent in the statistics.

King Hippo

HARF The Ben like a new challenge

King Hippo

I can’t believe Andy passed up the chance to futilely challenge that spot!

...
Curse of Marino

*Motley Crue blasts in the backgound*

Smithchez

“HEEEEAAAA………Jesssss…….JEEEEEEAAAAATHHHHHH!””

ThursdaySkyGoddess

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEATH

Spur

Fuck this. I’m going to play some BF1 and tell a bunch of kids their mother is a whore.

Unsurprised

Well … She is.
— Jeff Ireland

Dunstan

“Let me know which ones don’t seem surprised to hear it.” — Bill Belichek

ThursdaySkyGoddess

“Rub it in.” -Dez Bryant

Dunstan

“No, really, go ahead and rub it in.” — Dez’s Mom

Sharkbait

He got up in Ben’s business real quick. What a role reversal

Unsurprised

I finally caught the first episode of Taboo.

1) Damn, Tom Hardy is sexy
2) This series is going to be crazy as fuck

Horatio Cornblower

He’s also goddamn near unintelligible. Drives me nuts trying to figure out what he’s talking about.

Unsurprised

I watch it with CC on since I’m going deaf, so HA-HA

Curse of Marino

We gon’ Harf? OH WE GONNA HARF

...

I’m pro-Chiefs mainly because I want to see Andy Reid’s clock management fuck up to come at the most important time possible.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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It’s the first quarter coach

Brocky

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makeitsnowondem

I was ambivalent about the last game’s result until I found out that Tomi Lahren is a Cowboys fan.

...

I mean, it had to be either that or the Pats.

Horatio Cornblower

As a Cowboys fan I would like to say she doesn’t represent the majority of us, but she’s blond, racist and dumb so she probably does and also fuck everything.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey guys, seen any good football games lately? Seen any last minute 51 FGs kill your team lately? Consumed any bleach lately?

Does anyone have any bleach?

Dick E. Phuck

I may have some RC cola in the fridge.

Horatio Cornblower

Tomayto, tomahto.

litre_cola

RAYCCCISSMMM

Gratliff

That’s replacing “Under God” shortly

Gratliff

Holy shit. That field looks like when my grandmother got weird and old and started laying down throw rugs on top of throw rugs

Smithchez

Oh, the tomahawk chop. That pretty much settles it for me.

GO STILLERS

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Just getting settled in for tonight’s game. So it is Rapey vs Trump hands?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jerry Richardson is incredibly excited about this upcoming “Black Sails” show.

Curse of Marino

How many fat humps will die during a Chiefs-Packers Superbowl?

Unsurprised

God willing? All of them.

Spur

I don’t want to talk about it…It’s Spur season. Go Kawhi!
http://wallpapersdsc.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Kawhi_Leonard_3.jpg

Curse of Marino

Rodgers – Top
Aikman-Bottom

Spur

Rodgers is a selfish fucker. He takes and receives.

Spur

Will we get an Ottoman sighting?

Smithchez

If only.

Unsurprised

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Dick E. Phuck

– Constantine XI

Unsurprised

No man possessing a 69 jersey has, in fact, ever 69ed a woman.

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Col. Duke LaCross

As a backup guard who wore #69 in high school, I can definitely say this is true.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yanno, I just realized that the Packers have beaten the all three remaining AFC teams in the Superb Owl

Mother Puncher

I always get excited to see Al Michael alone, always forgetting they’re going to zoom out and show a dipshit sitting beside him.

King Hippo

he’d probably tell some pretty good booze/gambling stories if forced to fill 4 hours himself!

Spur

I hope the next salad Rodgers tosses is full of dingleberries
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2015/01/Middle-Finger-Fuck-You-GIF-2015.gif

...

While I hate the Packers, I saw this and remembered I picked the proper evil:

https://twitter.com/TomiLahren/status/820759459941220352

Unsurprised

Who cares?

Curse of Marino

“Romo would’ve won” is the HOT TAEK we all deserve

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Ima enjoy it more than Boatghazi

Spur

Am not done.

Stick it up your ass Rodgers. Am glad your parents hate you.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4650452/fuck-you-gif-o.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Hey sexy

– AAron

King Hippo

PIT/GB would make a lovely Superb Owl pairing, so let’s not spoil things.

...

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wakezilla

Ya know, a Chefs/Pack Superb Owl with KC winning would be kind of fun.

...

Definitely one of the few tolerable options left.

Brocky

would be fun….

yeah the say way a 3 way with a blond and a redhead would be fun…

as in there’s zero chance of it fucking happening!!

Smithchez

“Oh thank god, at least I don’t have to hear Joe Buck for another week.”

/changes channel.

“Hello friends.” “Hi JEEEEEEM”

“Goddamnit.”

Gratliff

Okay, Chiefs. You’re the last pseudo-likeable team in the playoffs. Let’s try not to somehow blow 4 timeouts in the 1st quarter.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Someone actively hates the Falcons?

...

There’s a respectable amount of Matt Ryan hate here, which is a pleasant surprise.

WCS

Fuck Boston College.

Brocky

if you’re a mediocrely talented player who’s had numerous failed opportunities to be a superstar, and the announcers are inexplicably in love with you due to a combination of your disposition, alma mater, race, you can look forward to some blowback from the kommenters.

Smithchez

“Did somebody say timeout? Time out! Time out! Time out!”

–Andy Reid

“Time out it is.”

–Andy Reid’s heart

ballsofsteelandfury

OURS

Unsurprised

Some sonofabitch got me sick and now there will be Hell to pay in Bridgetown.

Brocky

Your

-Scotchnaut

Brick Meathook

Mine?

Brocky

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