Your “Just Goddamn Your, Goddamn it!” “AFC Division Game Open Thread

Chiefs GM John Dorsey: “Hey Andy, I called you into my office so that we might have a small chat before the game.”

Reid: “Yes, chef.”

JD: “Uh, right. Look, the organization has no issues with your results during the regular season. To be honest, I must say ‘well done!’.”

Reid: “As far as the steaks are concerned, ‘well done’ is not the best result.”

JD: “I’m so glad we’re on the same page here. The stakes are so much higher in the playoffs.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to add Steaks On A Plane to Netflix queue’] “Gotta agree with you there, chef.”

JD: “With just a little TLC I think you can get this team over the playoff hump.”

Reid: [thinks to self, ‘must remember to download (Don’t Go Chasing Chocolate) Waterfalls on spotify’] You’re so right, chef.”

JD: “Huh. Anyway, it’s very important that you go out there and battle. Battle really hard. You know what I’m getting at here? Embrace the battle”

Reid: “Sure do, chef. Sure do.” [mind’s eye fills with visions of Mario Batali making Mushroom Orzotto followed by Bucatini All’ Amatriciana]

Pit/KC– Hey, look at me-I’m cheering for the Steelers for the second time in 50 years. The last time? Last week. You see, if KC pulls this out a certain A. Reid (if it’s close towards the end of the game next week-highly unlikely) will commit some heretofore never-before-seen blunder that will sink the Chiefs Super Bowl hopes vs. the Pats. This is written in stone-DO NOT QUESTION IT. I’m a bit worried about the Chiefs wr wildcard that manifests itself in the form of Tyreek Hill. That kid has “early career Desean Jackson game-breaker before he got full of himself” written all over him. Between him and te Kelce they’ve accounted for 45% of total O yardage over the last six games. The Steelers have the firepower/balls to stick with the Pats and the Pats MUST. GO. DOWN.

Done. GIMMEE THAT THING THAT YOU GOT!!!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I did a focus group for cars a while back. The hottest girl in the group was asked to interview on camera. I was not.

...

I mean, opinions are 50% more correct when uttered by attractive people. It’s science.

Unsurprised

Understandable

Curse of Marino

I cant be the only Dolphins fan who gets annoyed by the fact that sports media is shamelessly stealing a nickname for the Dolphins Defense in the 80s and using it for the Steelers.

Redshirt

Isn’t it the 70s?

Curse of Marino

late 70s early 80s Dolphins Defense IIRC

Redshirt

Ok. I’ll defer to the resident Marine Mammal Expert.

Dunstan

70s was the No-Name Defense, Killer B’s was more the early 80s

Smithchez

To be fair, sports media is really unimaginative sometimes. “Killer Bs” is generally the nickname given to any group of at least 2 players in any sport whose names have B in them.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In honor of Martin Luther King, I judged a man by his character and not his skin color!

Todd Haley looks like his penis is shaped a prostate milker.

JustStopDude

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Even pn a show that has Carson Kressley and Boy George, Jon Lovitz always plays the role of “Biggest Gay”.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Sharkbait

Killer Bs: Brown, Bell, and Beat a rape charge

ballsofsteelandfury

Two!

Dick E. Phuck

The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Dee Ford.

Shogun Marcus

If I heard right, based on the officiating the three previous games, this crew has the inside track for Superb Owl. How they been?

ballsofsteelandfury

To be fair, pretty decent.

The Maestro

Dinner is over! I get time for FOOTBAW!!!! Hail BLEERGH for His bountiful wonderfulness!

WCS

Drew summed up Ben’s ability to play through injury perfectly:

“Big Ben is so big and so dumb, he doesn’t process pain like regular people.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ooooh, military commercials during a football game. I believe NBC calls this the “Things That Leave Out to Dry When You Leave Them” block.

Sharkbait

Why the Hell is Warren Buffett on celebrity apprentice?

Unsurprised

Who cares?

Col. Duke LaCross

Did I just hear that? The Ben injured his foot, but thought it was his shoulder that was hurt? That dude is a special kind of dumb.

Unsurprised

Just slip him another choco taco

Dunstan

Yeah, that kind of threw me, too, along with Al and Cris’s lack of reaction.

Dick E. Phuck

Alex Smith makes Chad Pennington look like he has a missile for an arm.

Dunstan

Alex Smith makes Rex Grossman lose his erection.

blackroseMD1

Those Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercials make me feel like I should be on peyote, and then they make me angry that I’m not, in fact, on peyote.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Navy Federal Credit Union is trying to make it look like they are ok with women in the armed forces, but then only do commercials about them needing money for their wedding or starting houses so they will get the fuck out of the military

JustStopDude

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Dunstan

Those commercials are making me wonder if I’ve been misled about the attractiveness of military women. Because if I can’t trust advertising, who can I believe?

Unsurprised

Yeah, it’s a real shocker that the military and advertising would lie to the public

LemonJello

Are we talking deployed “hot” or back stateside?

Unsurprised

The pilot in the current commercial’s a normal 7-7.5

Brocky

Call me crazy, do the chiefs potentially have any benefit from having played the pats in the playoffs last year?

Romonobyl

Does anyone else do this on an Android phone? Some of your avatars are yuuuuuug!!!!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I do it in the flesh usually behind a dumpster on Carlton Street!

Oh I misunderstood…

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, it’s weird

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

*This must be what it’s like to watch the Patriots continual success*

— cuts to an ISIS beheading video.

...

Well this is bleak as fuck.

ballsofsteelandfury

Never thought I’d be happy to see a punt

King Hippo

oh, Smith SAW him, that’s just like 15 yards out of range

Smithchez

15? Is Smith on a round of steroids I didn’t know about?

Smithchez

Did we see sassy ref at all this weekend?

Curse of Marino

No, thank god.

makeitsnowondem

Carey or Boger? Because Carey’s doing TV now.

Smithchez

Boger. Carey’s too busy being wrong all the time to be sassy.

Shogun Marcus

Boger didn’t make the cut.

Dunstan

Let’s be honest — if the NFL had a problem with public drunkenness, they’d be playing to empty stadiums.

Curse of Marino

“Pittsburgh is dealing with the adversity amongst their coaching staff”

“You mean Joey Porter being an unrepentant asshole?”

Redshirt

“Porter made his mark on the field” – Al Michaels

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” – me and other Bengals fans

Brocky

Updated:

Brocky’s most hated nfl teams, and their post season standing

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. New England Patriots
4. Detroit Lions
5. Minnesota Vikings
6. Dallas Cowboys
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
8. Miami Dolphins

King Hippo

See how much YOU like it, Tyreek!

Redshirt

So Joey Porter can do whatever he wants?

Gratliff

“Suspended indefinitely pending the postseason”

Dunstan

It’s sort of a team philosophy

Old School Zero

If he was still a player, BANHAMMER!!

But as a coach? …eh.

Brick Meathook

“Indefinite Leave” for six days

Curse of Marino

Using Coach K’s definition of indefinite leave.

Curse of Marino

“This must be what its like to catch a 50 yard pass from Alex Smith”

*Pepsi commercial flashes to a blank screen*

Dick E. Phuck

Are there Mexicans allowed on the Wall?

JustStopDude

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Curse of Marino

pass thrown behind the WR, Alex Smith looks on with jealousy

Redshirt

Linebacker on Antonio Brown? Okay…

Gratliff

Goddamn it, Brown.

Smithchez

Bad bad Antonio Brown, brownest brown in the whole brown town.

I’ve been drinking

Curse of Marino

Antonio Brown doing Antonio Brown things.

WCS

Antonio Brown is a living god.

Sharkbait

He’s good.

Romonobyl

Ok, please explain why I couldn’t stay logged in with my laptop. I was logged in but every time I tried making a trademark witty post I was told I needed to sign in. Rebooted the computer machine, same thing. I’m using my phone and it works but sucks!
It’s a Cowboy thing, isn’t it?

LemonJello

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Old School Zero

Out of the playoffs, out of DFO.

Romonobyl

So DFO will be nothing but P*ts fans in February? I’m out then…

Old School Zero

Hey, my team doesn’t even exist, so I don’t even exist, which means if you’re reading this, you might want to adjust your meds.

Romonobyl

Good call, you sound like my wife, but probably uglier.

Old School Zero

GUARANTEED

litre_cola

Did you answer 3+?=7 properly?

Romonobyl

My math skills suck, but I can always use teh Google!

Curse of Marino

Maclin, you son of a bitch.

Redshirt

Stupid GE. Turning that scares, innocent idea into a whore.

Mother Puncher

I’ll take 5

ThePirateSloth

So we replaced Alex Smith with a competent QB, let’s see if anyone notices

Smithchez

Much like with the Pats hurryup, it boggles the mind that NFL teams are unable to recognize Alex Smith’s patterns and abilities. Any defensive backs more than 7 yards beyond the line of scrimmage are playing WAY too deep.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Did Hill slip or did he just do a quarterback slide?

Curse of Marino

Maclin, you son of a bitch

WCS

Interesting “Let Kansas City Do Whatever the Hell They Want” defensive strategy by Yinzburgh.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Gratliff

Good guys winning tonight!

Unsurprised

This, too, shall pass