Your [sacrifices goat within chalk outline of a pentagram] “THIS WILL BE A CLOSE GAME!” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

/Fox pre-game intro

Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?

Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]

Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]

Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]

Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]

Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]

Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”

GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.

The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.

Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!

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litre_cola

Back end? Sack? This is Rodgers time. Dial up some pressure!

Smithchez

Yes, Mike, design the run at the spare lineman, and not the guys you pay to do it all game long.

Old School Zero

DAAAAAAAAAAMN

I haven’t seen that much penetration since last time I was on tumblr!

King Hippo

Mike McCarthy strikes BACK!!!

Senor Weaselo

THESE OFFICIALS I CALL THEM WAYNE BRADY, RYAN STILES, COLIN MOCHRIE, GREG PROOPS, AND CHIP ESTON BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST MAKING SHIT UP AT THIS POINT

Redshirt

BLEERGH is threatening to go Super Saiyan.

Smithchez

“Fuck. We’ve got so much spare derp here. Seems a shame to waste it all on the fucking Chiefs-Steelers game.”

herodotus450

Ball was in the air?

Sharkbait

Bleergh has decided for green bay

Curse of Marino

Obvious DPI?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Brocky

That ref just made Jerry’s hit list.

Ladies and gentlemenjoy we have more proof that Green bay gets biased calls

Spur

Fuck it. Let them score a TD and take your chances to tie.

Redshirt

Now they call penalties?

Old School Zero

bleeeeeeeergh

King Hippo

HAIL!!!!

Curse of Marino

Clay Matthews is still looking for his ankles.

LemonJello

AARon calls that “playing center”

ballsofsteelandfury

Gratliff

Rodgers, you lucky fuck

Curse of Marino

So this is whata close game looks like.

Spur

So, how many chickens do i need to sacrifice to get a punt from Green Bay here?

Mr. Ayo

They’re in Hail Mary range. No punting.

Redshirt

All of them.

Unsurprised

Chickens!

litre_cola
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

One more first down, GB should be able to get in FG range AND kill the clock AND get DAL to burn its timeouts.

Unsurprised

IOW … Here comes the back-breaking fumble

Smithchez

As incompetent as McCarthy is, that play is more inventive than anything the Jets have run in a decade.

litre_cola

I am pretty pumped to see the clock management next game fellows. That and it’s fajita night in the Cola residence. Pronounced ferjeeeta.

Old School Zero

vajitas

Brocky

I always preferred FA-JI-TA

WCS

It’s fa-GIGHT-a! SPEAK MURICKAN

Sharkbait

Let’s see if Aaron can pull this out*

*Olivia Munn need not apply

Spur

Yes, yes stop the clock McCarthy.

Dunstan

Hmm.. so now I can have my exercise bike hooked up to the Internet, so that, uh, teenagers can talk shit about my poor performance? Sounds awesome.
I’m also sure that’s exactly what every woman who chose to spend thousands on a home gym wants — a way for strangers to hit on her while she’s exercising.

Unsurprised

h
ttp://www.mtv.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/image-w-760-scale/public/mtv_uk/galleries/large/2016/03/30/bridget.gif?itok=5npvduCE

ballsofsteelandfury

That did not look good. Another reason I hate artificial turf.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

FUCK YOU

– Every player that has played on Soldier Field

Spur

Cheese melted stop the clock.

Smithchez

Knee ded.

Spur

You’re supposed to break the defender’s ankles, not your own.

Brick Meathook

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WCS

Emmitt Smiff is so hacky about the Calm Boys he’s just doth to pants!

Gratliff

Holy shit. Emmit Smith is old as fuck

King Hippo

tailbacks…do not age well

Unsurprised
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So JerryWorld (which I just learned today actually was called AT&T Stadium) has like 20,000 empty seats from what I just heard (80,000 attendance)

Unsurprised

Best Fans In Football

...

To be fair, most of them have never been to Dallas and couldn’t find Jerry World.

Redshirt

Now it’s up to the Cowboys D. Translation: “They’re screwed.”

Spur

Thank you Dark Lord. Now please cripple Rodgers or have his parents surprise him on the sidelines.

Redshirt

How about his boyfriend making an appearance?

LemonJello

Isn’t Clay already there on the sideline?

Sharkbait

Well this game is interesting…

*was cooking for first 3 quarters*

LemonJello

That’s a lot of meth, Heisenberg!

Redshirt

Youregoddamnright.jpg

Smithchez

I don’t understand, why isn’t one of these teams up by 20 points while the other looks so incompetent you can’t fathom how they could possibly even be a professional team, much less a playoff team?

Unsurprised

Indeed. This isn’t playoff football as I understand it. Just remember the league promise:
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52006/a5549b520055627.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

At least we’ve finally gotten a good game.

Redshirt

Did Bill Cowher say that we have no life?

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
King Hippo

From a GB perspective, it’s probably better they fucking made the 2. Otherwise it ends 29-28, gauran-damn-teed.

Old School Zero

Cowboys… competent?

King Hippo

the Dark Prophesy is written

Gratliff

guh

makeitsnowondem

TOUCHDAK

Spur
Wakezilla

Somewhere, Kane is crying

herodotus450

When Dak blows it at some point during the playoffs, what will we call it? Fukushima Dakichi? Dakwater Horizon? Bhopal… DisDakster?

Unsurprised

DAKASHIMA, YOU FUCKING HEATHEN

LemonJello

I thought we had agreed on “Dakashima Disaster”?

Gratliff

Stop the 2, you idiot fucks

Redshirt

Zeke might be good at this football thing.