Joe and Troy: A Viewpoint

(Based on somewhat accurate reports.)

America’s Game of the Weak! Welcome to this sea of unwashed, drunken hobbits. I am here, despite my pleas, alongside this braindead troll. So Troy where do you think you are this time?

I MUST KILL BATMAN!

I’m sorry folks it seems Troy thinks he’s still King Tut. I’d bash it out of him, but these troglodytes in green bay likely have no idea what a blunt object is. They barely know what a well-done steak is. Am I right Troy?

WHEN HE ENTERS THE TOMB HE WILL CRY FOR MUMMIE!

Yes. And here’s the kickoff! Safely kneeled down in the endzone for a touchback.

HE WILL KNEEL. ALL WILL KNEEL.

So first down. The offense is meh, much like any sexual favors I demand anytime I’m in flyover country. Seriously, when can a guy get a decent trombone amirite?

OH THE MUSIC OF THEIR SCREAMS WILL SATE ME IN MY SARCAPHAGUS!

Oh uh yeah, there was a punt just now but really I mean really I just don’t know how Grade-A talent like myself can’t find love for money or a decent foie tureen here. My mattress wasn’t even lined with curious ladyboys! It’s like this place doesn’t even know Yelp. And it doesn’t! I had a simple demand for a glass of the tears of the unworthy orphans, which line these so-called streets of Green Bay. Really they’re not streets, merely suggested ruts but they do try ever so hard. Troy?

WHEN I CAPTURE HIM I WILL RULE GOTHAM!

Yeah, so the defense is here and these idiots will try to defend what is a mistake on the lake. Seriously folks Stalin had it right. Sterilize the women, euthanize the children. Plow the salt into the fields, why would you ever come here? I need a drink, excuse me Troy…

*bourble bottle knocks Troy’s head on the way down*

Actually Joe I see this area as quite vibrant! Local cheese and beer making is top-notch, and you can’t go wrong with the scenery of Door County and the Lakeshore in general! Despite their despotic leader, Wisconsin in general thrives in many areas and can meet all your deviant needs! And you wanna talk about butt-love? You must experience the toilet paper! Three-plies! I’m telling you Joe, this area has many great char* (Troy is suddenly hit in the head by a Budweiser bottle)…

OH HOW EGGCELLENT!

Fuck me. Hey you…whatever you are. I need a shoulder. The VISA halftime show is coming up folks.

 

 

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Shogun Marcus
Resides in a state of arrested development on the Midwest Coast. Other than his wife, has little use for most humans. He's never slept more than 3 consecutive hours. The voices won't allow him rest so he types them out to help authorities understand why. Why what? You'll know…one day.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you get into Hippo’s pillz?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

This is the most accurate portrayal of Joe Buck that I’ve seen to date.

Also, Troy knows about butt-love…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ArmedandHammered

What game is this from? Friday Night Lights of the Apes?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’m assuming that’s from a future where Top Cop and Hard Boiled Cop have gotten bored and introduced football to the simian population.

Or it could be just a frighteningly bad sculpt.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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