Neglected Prop Bets

The Commentist Party
The Commentist Party

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Prop bets have always  been a great way to get people who are not interested in the game, or have little knowledge of football, involved in watching. Betting on how long the National Anthem will take to play almost makes it watchable, and the fact that odds makers have to determine the line on what kind of clothes performers will be wearing is pretty damn funny. While there is thankfully a line for Lady Gaga to be wearing nothing at all, the rest are clearly anti-DFO by not including “No pants” as an option for whatever new country algorithm produced a “Luke Bryan.”

You can find a pretty complete list of the bets here, but we at DFO thought they were missing a few and decided to add some of our own:

Who will be the first player deported?
Mohammad Sanu (1/2) Ayodeji Olatoye (3/2) Julian Edleman (100/1)

Will Bill Belichick bang a MILF on camera during play?
Yes (1/1) No (10/1)

How many times will Joe Buck say the word “disgusting?” +/- 12

Will Gronk pull a Namath on Erin Andrews?
Yes (1/1) No (69/1)

How many Patriot fans or players will be caught on air using the N word? +/- 645,966

How many times will Roger Goodell be punched in the face during the Lombardi trophy ceremony?
Not enough (1/1)

Number of people Aaron Hernandez murders or orchestrates violence against during the game? +/- 27

Mentions of Eugene Robinson: +/- 5

Number of insightful comments from Troy: +/- 0.5

Number of red state heart attacks during halftime: +/- 10

Alton Brown appearances during the day: +/- 2

BBQ mentions: +/- 25

Roughing the passer penalties called against the Falcons: +/- 0.5

If the over, totally bullshit roughing the passer penalties called against the Falcons: +/- 70

Times Mohamed Sanu’s religion is mentioned: +/- 2.5

Marcus Vick sighting: +400

Trump returns the ring Putin stole from Kraft before time expires in the game: +1,000

Median age of attendees at Mark Chmura’s SB party: +/- 11.5

Grit mentions: +/- 5

Moose GIFs during game play: +/- 84

Salute to Service includes mention of “Glorious Strong Generalissimo Trump”: 6/1

Pass interference called: +/- 5.5

Number of times Brady and/or receiver signals for a flag: +/- 29.5

[Thanks to the Las Vegas Review for the Andy Reid inspired banner image]

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Moose -The End Is Well NightheeWeeBabySeamusSenor WeaseloHoratio CornblowerBeerguyrob Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh


Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

da Fuq, am I having a stroke???
I go outside for a few minutes and I come back in to Bill O’Reilly and Trump on my TV with a FoxNews logo.
Holy shitsnacks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck; I’m sorry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Number of times Fozz threatens to give an official a “Baltimore smile”: +/- 8.5

Senor Weaselo

“What is Bartimole smire?” -Hines Wald

Horatio Cornblower

Number of time Horatio curses out the Court for scheduling argument on a Motion for Summary Judgment, (don’t ask, just know it’s important), at 9:30 in the morning half way across the state at 9:30 in the morning the day after the Super Bowl.

+/- the GNP of Exxon
(take the over)


At 9:30 in the morning, you say?

Horatio Cornblower

A time so nice I had to type it twice.


Actual odds of Horatio putting said person into a locker: 1:5


So chores are done for the day. I probably won’t drink today, though, still reeling from yesterday.

Horatio Cornblower

I still have to walk the dog.

He’s glaring at me.


Who will accidentally eat a player first during pre-game activities?

Andy Reid (2/1) The Superb Owl (3/1)

comment image


“How many times will Roger Goodell be punched in the face during the Lombardi trophy ceremony?
Not enough (1/1)”

Senor Weaselo

I’m surprised they offer that, because I’m pretty sure it’s free money.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m actually stunned this wasn’t also offered as an option for “red state heart attacks.”

Because I would have bet the SHIT out of that.