Request Line: Delusions of Grandeur

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – NIGHT

A producer sits outside the recording booth, sipping coffee.  A redheaded young man is seated inside the booth.

PRODUCER: So I’ll count it off, and then you’ll be live.  I’ll feed you a few interview questions to get things started, and then we’ll start taking requests.  Sound good?

—[door flies open]—

MATT McGLOIN: Sounds great!

PRODUCER: Okay, so…

MATT McGLOIN: [interrupts]…and then you guys will re-run this during drive time hour?

PRODUCER: [thrown off stride] …well…no.  That’s when Jimmy and the Animal are on.

MATT McGLOIN: Nah, give ’em the morning off.  People would rather hear me.

PRODUCER: I’m…not going to do that.  They’re our highest-rated program.

MATT McGLOIN: Well, we’ll see.  Wait until I’m done here before you make up your mind.

PRODUCER: [confused] Uh, okay, yeah, sure.  We’re live in three…two…one…[points at McGLOIN]

MATT McGLOIN: [fumbles microphone]

The producer hurried mashes a button to kill the growing feedback whine as McGLOIN scrambles for the microphone.

PRODUCER: [taking over] Good evening, folks, and welcome to yet another edition of Request Line.  We’re here tonight with Raiders quarterback Matt “Moxie” McGloin.  How are you doing tonight, Matt?

MATT McGLOIN: Great, great.  I hope the folks out there are ready for the greatest edition of Request Line in world history!

PRODUCER: [smiles wryly] Oh, I’m sure they’ve been looking forward to this all week.  So, same as it did for most of the other teams in the NFL, the Raiders’ season ended on a down note with a loss in Houston.

MATT McGLOIN: Yeah, I really wish they would have put me in.  I would have won.

PRODUCER: Weren’t you suffering from a separated shoulder?

MATT McGLOIN: My right arm, yeah, but the other one was fine.  I could have gotten the job done.

PRODUCER: I see.  So, with free agency set to start, are you looking to stay put in Oakland?

MATT McGLOIN: I don’t think so.  Derek Carr is a pretty good quarterback, but I feel like my talents are being wasted on the bench.  I’m looking to go somewhere where I can start.  Green Bay, or maybe Carolina.

PRODUCER: Ha ha ha ha…[trails off as McGLOIN stares daggers at him]…oh.  Well, I hope that works out.  As you know, the Oscars are this weekend, got any dark horse picks for us?

MATT McGLOIN: Sure – I think I’ve got a good chance at taking home Best Actor.

PRODUCER: [starts laughing again, catches himself] You…think YOU are going to win Best Actor.

MATT McGLOIN: I try to stay humble, but yeah.  I think I’m pretty much a lock at this point.

PRODUCER: For…which film?

MATT McGLOIN: La La Land.  I was in the freeway scene.

PRODUCER: As an extra?

MATT McGLOIN: [disdainfully] I’m credited as “Someone in the Crowd”.  It’s actually what the whole film is about.

PRODUCER: Okay, well, good luck!  Let’s get to the music.  Got a song to start us out with?

MATT McGLOIN: I sure do.  This is a song from R.E.M. about a guy who’s really got it together.  He’s probably a professional athlete, or maybe a C.E.O. of an international corporation.  I hope you like it as much as I do.  Give me a call, if you’re able to get through we’ll give your song a spin.