The culprit:
I opened the fridge and grabbed a half-empty water bottle of a greenish, Crystal Like substance. I gulped some during my commute and…
?
?
?
?
Sure enough, had a smell and it was pungent. Not punchy like tequila or rum, nor aromatic like gin. Just the nondescript and soothing alcohol smell of vodka. Panicked, I dumped the rest.
Not having had a drink since last summer, my gaze feels heavier and my head giddy. Surprisingly, I felt guilty for only a moment; unsurprisingly, I could go for an obscure German brew and a tres leches right now. Opted for a Coke and ????, ’cause of work and shit. Keeping a glum expression is still kinda difficult.
In lieu of finger pointing, I’ll be an intent listener of teenage explanations and motherly takes on Senior-itis when I get home tonight. My main takeaway right now: God bless vasectomies.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/be437c9455206a4b5b109f044d67add4/tumblr_opk4n70fRn1qf9csoo1_400.gif
UPDATE: A source confirms it was “Grey Goose ??”
“Uh, yeah, me too, ‘accidentally’…” — Donte Stallworth
Also relevant: https://www.reddit.com/r/cripplingalcoholism/comments/k59b0/i_just_tried_cereal_with_vodka/
I’m disappointed in your son in that he should’ve hidden it better.
Inconspicuous plain view was my teen MO. Never got caught.
Re, me having a son: let’s first schedule a DNA test…
“Hey, me too! For the last two and a half years!”
— Justin Blackmon
Three questions:
1. Why was it greenish?
2. Having seen that it was greenish, why did you drink it?
3. Do you or do you not now have super powers?
It’s Crystal Light lemonade! We have packets of the stuff at Chez T. The “without lead” part was an assumption.
I am so giggling right now.
Counterpoint: You don’t need a vasectomy if you only go in the butt.
BTW, “I Accidentally Had Vodka For Breakfast” is one of the greatest titles of a post we’ve ever had here.
Dear foreign callers to Family Services:
The drinking age in PR is 18.
Sincerely,
[spastic scribble]
Maybe you could join our confederation up here. We will politely leave you alone most of the time, give ya health care, but we are going to have to take those guns mister.