Your “It’s Pronounced ‘Labour Day'” Holiday Monday Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

First, the history lesson, courtesy the fine folks at the TedTalks:

Now, the significance.

In Canada, Labour Day marks the end of summer.

All Canadians must leave the fishing, logging or mining camps where they have laboured during the summer and return to their hometowns. It’s a long journey, for the Canada Act mandates that Canadians must venture a minimum of 500 kilometres north of their current location and commence whatever physical labour is required to maintain maple syrup production. Of course, there are other jobs, like clubbing baby seals off Newfoundland and taking gullible tourists Sasquatch hunting in the Rockies, but the majority of work these days is in preparing Canada’s other favourite amber for export.

There used to be more work in hockey stick production, but thanks to those damned Europeans and their affection for composite sticks, quantity has won out over quality. There are still some old forms in production, but people these days seem to value IKEA banality over character product.

This was every Canadian garage in the 80s.

Mostly, this annual ritual serves only to arrange purchase & transport of Tim Hortons coffee back up country. However, upon completing their return trek, all Canadians (men & women) aged 18-40 must submit for government inspection, for it is also the season for restocking the hockey teams. First, they must possess the right “hockey name” – preferably something that can be enhanced by adding an “-ie” or “-by”. Further, candidates under 5’8″ will be sentenced to two years mandatory grain threshing, where it’s hoped the tough, menial labour will transform them into remorseless elbowing machines.

 

After that first elimination process, they will be tested on skating speed, passing accuracy, and ability to spell “Gretzky”, “Barilko” and “Mosienko”. The few that succeed are sent off to training facilities in Rouyn, Quebec, The Pas, Manitoba and Rainy River, Ontario. [It’s said that for every 100 who apply, only four are chosen.] Here, their mettle will be hardened into steel, and then those lucky few who survive will be peppered throughout North American amateur & minor hockey leagues. After that comes tryouts for the national teams, where the selection process is even more severe.

Here’s the selection process for the 2018 World Junior team.

The unsuccessful candidates will be sold off as bartenders to chain restaurants in Toronto, Vancouver & Montreal, where they will regale tourists and inspire new immigrants with tales of, “Man, if I’d just had a break…” They will be hated by all, especially themselves, because if they’d just had a chance…

In America, this year, they will mark Labor Day by announcing the deportation of children.

#MAGA


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • CFL:
      • Argos at Tiger-Cats – 6:30PM | TSN
    •  NCAA:
      • Tennessee vs. Georgia Tech – 8:00PM | ESPN
  • Baseball:
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet
  • Tennis:
    • U.S. Open Tennis: Round of 16 – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
  •  WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Enjoy your freedom, for tomorrow the work year begins anew. An even worse fate? PATRIOTS THURSDAY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

Leave a Reply

Notify of
JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Measured differently, FDR was our shortest president…

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Are these football heights? If so, subtract about 2-3 inches…

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

…subtract about 2-3 inches…

lol

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
— Brett Favre

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Also, while Trump probably was 6’3″ at one point in his life, he’s most certainly shrunk with age and is now at least an inch shorter. See photos of him standing next to Obama at the Inauguration.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Chapter 3 in his book is that you always wear heel risers to be the tallest guy in the room
comment image

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Jack Welch is the best example in American Business how you can be an utter and complete failure, but if you are rich enough, not only can you fuck things up and never get blamed, but you will always have a job available to you.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Also that the people who hand out book deals don’t really give a shit about content.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Oldest, dumbest, fattest President ever.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I’m posting up James K. Polk all day baby. All. Fucking. Day.

Manifest Destiny my ass.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I’d only seen the chart with their other measurements

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Spoiler alert: LBJ is at the top.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh you work at Haggar too?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

comment image

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

comment image

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Consolidate power in the politburo, and turn the Bolsheviks against the Stalinists?

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

comment image

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Order up the ol’ “ice-pick to the head” Edible Arrangement for Trotsky?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

What Would Stalin Do?

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Sorry, I mix up my early Soviet dictators.

King Hippo
Member

Stalin was a lot MOAR practical ,, ppl forget that.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I masturbated to that photo of Gordie elbowing a Nordique in the back of the head and I don’t apologize for it at all.

King Hippo
Member

Such a shame he never got to don a Hurricanes sweater ,, smh

/ducks

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!!!!!
/remembers it’s Hippo
I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

comment image

Horatio Cornblower
Member

“This image failed to load”

Look, I just told you I jerked off; don’t make me explain the refractory period again. I don’t need to relive my honeymoon that badly.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Damn lack of https!

It was a Mallrats quote

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Back of a Volkswagen?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Gordo in the Whalers (racist btw) jersey puts him at about 50 years old? So 75% of the way through his career.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Anywhere from 45-51, but those look like older WHA jerseys so probably closer to 45.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

So apparently the Raiders are looking at other options than SeaBass (probably to save money). One of the guys they’re looking at? Josh Lambo.

King Hippo
Member

Not quite Brock Lobster, but that still must leave a mark. Maybe Mark Davis just watched a very special episode of Punky Brewster on date rape?

King Hippo
Member

Looks like this here fixture will be about defensing. And if Butch Jones don’t wanna forward pass, Paul Johnson is TOTES fine with that plan.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I don’t find the new “most interesting man in the world” to be interesting at all.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

He’s so interesting they had to bring in Rob Riggle.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I find the irony of that rather interesting.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ccs2dl5XsyY
Something something joke about how different/funny he was back then, but was talking about conan something mumble mumble something

Redshirt
Member

Wow. Wrestlers are so good when the writers can get out of the way.

http://www.thesportster.com/wrestling/matt-jeff-hardy-tease-woken-universe-raw/

Gratliff
Member

Well, actually, it was the courts in the way this time

Redshirt
Member

Tomorrow

Trump: “DACA is gone in six months.”

BREAKING NEWS

The House and Senate has unanimously passed 435-0 and 100-0 bill to be send to the President’s desk for his signature. The bill, which is being called the “‘Its called Checks and Balances, Bitch’ Bill” and the text reads “We’re tired of his crap. Trump is a dick. DACA will continue until we fix it.”

And then Scarlett Johansson and Emma Stone show up at my doorway for sexual congress.

(this has been a Official Redshirt Delusion)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I can’t believe people are objecting to Trump revoking DACA. What kind of message would it send if we were to tell these functional members of society that it was okay for them to sit idly by as five year-olds while their parents broke immigration laws?

Redshirt
Member

I’m holding out hope that his Chief of Staff will pull a “Dave” and tomorrow and a temp agency supervisor will be addressing the nation that he is going to support the Dream Act on the condition that Democrats support the Republicans plan to strengthen the boarders and stop the inflow of illegal immigrants into the country.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The Ari Fleischer idea.

I doubt Trump will remember he promised this in six month’s time. It’s not going to happen.

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

There will be a huge march on Trump Tower tomorrow. Sorry but fuck this man & anyone who voted for him. If he were shot dead the world would cheer.

Redshirt
Member

I’m proud of writing in “None of the Above”.

King Hippo
Member

“Can’t somebody else do it??”

Redshirt
Member

I wanted to write “Curse Hillary and her allies for stacking the deck on Bernie Sanders. Fuck it, if I can cross the aisle in ’04 and vote for John Kerry, I can cross the aisle in ’16 for Sanders.” but the space was too small.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

preferably something that can be enhanced by adding an “-ie” or “-by”

The most Canadian name has got to be Brodie, meaning that if someone has that name they are guaranteed to be Canadian, and no non-Canadian will ever have that name. Gordie is probably second.

Most British name? Clive.

The United States is vast and diverse so finding a pure American name is more difficult, but I’m pretty sure we have a lock on Joe Bob and Cale.

CBQUE
Member
CBQUE

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS??????!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I’m a white male, so I should be feeling aggrieved and discriminated against, but I actually feel pretty good.

Redshirt
Member

I can’t believe there is a day set aside to celebrate the American workers. Like we need a day to celebrate people that work. What’s next, a day to celebrate people that earn welfare in spite of not finding a job? Don’t get me wrong, unions were right in the early 20th century when every job was an underpaid, death trap for kids, but this country has gone to hell ever since the unions decided that all the workers need to get paid more than they deserve driving up prices and…

(less evil Moderate Republican personality reasserts itself)

Sorry. I took a nap on the porch and Fox News was on TV. Happy Labo(u)r Day, Everyone!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Newt Gingrich was shilling for child labor last year.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nobody tell him about May Day.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Soldiers still on active duty celebrating Veterans’ Day? Why I never

King Hippo
Member

I mean WAIT UR TURN amirite??

King Hippo
Member

I always spell it with a “u” eh? Litre and scotchy are good (bad?) influences!

My first successful auction bid today was NC State/Humps QB Jacoby Brissett. My 20th and final was NC State/Factory RB Matt Dayes. Each man cost me $1! (don’t be all jelly, Aaron)

You watch, White HODOR! will be out all season and Tolzien will be cut after he shits all over the pitch this weekend. Stream that RAMIT!!! defense, ppl. And watch Black HODOR! become a legend in GravyTown…

wpDiscuz