Your “It’s Pronounced ‘Labour Day'” Holiday Monday Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

First, the history lesson, courtesy the fine folks at the TedTalks:

Now, the significance.

In Canada, Labour Day marks the end of summer.

All Canadians must leave the fishing, logging or mining camps where they have laboured during the summer and return to their hometowns. It’s a long journey, for the Canada Act mandates that Canadians must venture a minimum of 500 kilometres north of their current location and commence whatever physical labour is required to maintain maple syrup production. Of course, there are other jobs, like clubbing baby seals off Newfoundland and taking gullible tourists Sasquatch hunting in the Rockies, but the majority of work these days is in preparing Canada’s other favourite amber for export.

There used to be more work in hockey stick production, but thanks to those damned Europeans and their affection for composite sticks, quantity has won out over quality. There are still some old forms in production, but people these days seem to value IKEA banality over character product.

This was every Canadian garage in the 80s.

Mostly, this annual ritual serves only to arrange purchase & transport of Tim Hortons coffee back up country. However, upon completing their return trek, all Canadians (men & women) aged 18-40 must submit for government inspection, for it is also the season for restocking the hockey teams. First, they must possess the right “hockey name” – preferably something that can be enhanced by adding an “-ie” or “-by”. Further, candidates under 5’8″ will be sentenced to two years mandatory grain threshing, where it’s hoped the tough, menial labour will transform them into remorseless elbowing machines.

 

After that first elimination process, they will be tested on skating speed, passing accuracy, and ability to spell “Gretzky”, “Barilko” and “Mosienko”. The few that succeed are sent off to training facilities in Rouyn, Quebec, The Pas, Manitoba and Rainy River, Ontario. [It’s said that for every 100 who apply, only four are chosen.] Here, their mettle will be hardened into steel, and then those lucky few who survive will be peppered throughout North American amateur & minor hockey leagues. After that comes tryouts for the national teams, where the selection process is even more severe.

Here’s the selection process for the 2018 World Junior team.

The unsuccessful candidates will be sold off as bartenders to chain restaurants in Toronto, Vancouver & Montreal, where they will regale tourists and inspire new immigrants with tales of, “Man, if I’d just had a break…” They will be hated by all, especially themselves, because if they’d just had a chance…

In America, this year, they will mark Labor Day by announcing the deportation of children.

#MAGA


Tonight’s sports:

  • Football:
    • CFL:
      • Argos at Tiger-Cats – 6:30PM | TSN
    •  NCAA:
      • Tennessee vs. Georgia Tech – 8:00PM | ESPN
  • Baseball:
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet
  • Tennis:
    • U.S. Open Tennis: Round of 16 – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
  •  WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Enjoy your freedom, for tomorrow the work year begins anew. An even worse fate? PATRIOTS THURSDAY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

192
Leave a Reply

Please Login to comment
64 Comment threads
128 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
Rikki-Tikki-DeadlyUnsurprisedBrick MeathookballsofsteelandfurytheeWeeBabySeamus Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s still time to watch Weekend At Bernie’s if you want that 100% complete Labor Day experience.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No labor day is complete without a screening of “Worker and Parasite”.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Is Butch short for “Will to win”?

King Hippo

he definitely gots his cliches down tight

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, back to work. Have nice evening folks.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Work”= masturbation?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Later probably.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
ballsofsteelandfury

Good golly Miss Molly!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Total respect to the Jackets for the choice for the attempt.
LMFAO’ing at the execution thereof, however.

ballsofsteelandfury

No matter what happens, this takes balls

King Hippo

YEP. Was the right call to make. Getting 3 yards is WAYYYYY more than a 50/50 proposition for GT tonight, especially this late. Plus you lose the advantage the next OT.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Some asshole named @Un_surprised is on Twitter posting random Quotables gif.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate that guy, jeeeeez.
😉

ballsofsteelandfury

Two @s?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Typo

WCS

I can say I’m not surprised…

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The new NFL memes twitter account. Sheesh.

King Hippo

another reason UT shoulda gone for 2

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And this is stuck in my head for no reason:

King Hippo

MY EMOTIONS!!

King Hippo

you could drunkenly drive a snowplow through the Vols’ DL

ALXMAC
ALXMAC
ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha! Love that!

theeWeeBabySeamus

This shit’s gonna go all night, ain’t it?

King Hippo

seems to be headed there. Nobody will stop the other’s 2-point plays, either.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You knew better than to go to Taco Bell.

King Hippo

No Rick and Morty? Fuck you, Labour Day.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Watchingcollege football reminds me of what a Roman spectacle the NFL is.

ballsofsteelandfury

But it’s a lesser Roman spectacle because the dying doesn’t happen until years later.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

In ten years it’ll be Rollerball. The James Caan one, not the new one.

WCS

The “new” one is old enough to have a learner’s permit.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I worked on the new one. That’s how I know it sucks.

WCS

LL Cool J and SLIPKNOT, together at last!

King Hippo

I know of neither?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I still like the whole “Sunday Night Gladiators w/ balls: Now with 50% more Tigers!!!!!”

King Hippo

Indeed. Why we remain drawn to it.

King Hippo

Surely TN will have the sense/mercy to go for 2? *looking ahead)

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Sure hope not; let’s play 2!!

King Hippo

Butch Jones is not a brave or mathematical man

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

I Bet that trash can could coach the team better for 1/10th the salary