Hope Clicks Eternal – The Houston Texans



A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

Before we progress, let’s once again revisit the 0-1 2017 New England Patriots:


I very much enjoy the fact that Pat there has turned on the Patriots because “#22” took a knee, despite the fact that it was a Chief. I’m surprised she didn’t call him a “thug”. The appeals of others in the comments to “avoid listening to rumors” and “FAKE NEWS” is pretty hilarious considering what I’ve seen in-person at a Patriots game.

It’s just too bad they won’t be awful again until Brady retires. Their hurt won’t be the same…

Anyway, there is quite the festival of teams at 0-1 after the first weekend. Many we expect, but a few surprises. But of all the choices, I think I’ll go with the biggest surprise – a team that doesn’t exist somehow losing a football game to a team that doesn’t matter.

The Dallas Texans haven’t played a game since moving to Kansas City in 1963 and becoming the Kansas City Chiefs, yet they somehow…

Oh, apparently, I’m incorrect.

Anyway, the Houston Texans


were formed in 1974 as inaugural members of the World Football League, and as such they…

Hmm…had enough have you, Mr. Watt?  Stop the nonsense or lose my lungs? Well, that’s not much of a choice, is it?

I ‘spose you’re right. How’s Lindsey Vonn?

Okay, the current Houston Texans have apparently been a franchise since 2002. Long enough to have won a few divisional titles; recent enough to still be an attractive hire in the IT division.

Their current website looks like something the intern made.

WHAT WITH THE ARTISTIC LICENCE?! Why can’t they keep everything centred on the page? You think the logos & info off to the side are easily accessible, but in Chrome you can’t scroll over to the full image, just that half-thing you see above. I don’t know what the point is of having a half-graphic.

Oh, and except for that one image of “Turnaround”, don’t think you can find any semblance of that disaster from last Sunday. Granted, it’s a quick turnaround from Sunday to Thursday, but the Texans have obliterated any reference to getting Jag’d from their site. It’s all “we’re on to Cincinnati”, which sounded way-more believable coming out of Bill Belichick’s mouth 5 years ago.

Twitter, however, doesn’t forget.

This was…not a good look after the stunning loss Sunday.

And fans sure let him know.

Even when they tried to accentuate a positive,

They still caught lots of shit.

Then, on Monday, Bill O’Brien said he was sticking with Savage as the starter…

…and all hell broke loose

Of course, what would a QB controversy be without someone presenting a solution from God?

Because Texas? Jesus? Christ, I don’t know.

But that was swiftly forgotten when the next piece of good news crisis hit:

They did their best to try and ignore it, burying the announcement around other factoids & a DeShaun Watson birthday wish.

But the fans?

The hits just keep on coming in Houston.

And Facebook is pretty much the same, just cleaned up a tad because you have to use your “real” account.

What’s with the moms and the “be nice” comebacks? It must be the Saint JJ influence, because he can do no wrong for most,

but a little snark is creeping in, because either “trolls” or the fact that JJ sounds good at the start of the season, but his words become meaningless when they’re said on crutches in Week-13:

And then throw in Brian Cushing…

If they lose to Cincinnati on Thursday & go 0-2, the rumble for Bill O’Brien’s firing will become an avalanche.

Ladies & gents, your Texans social media presence, Week-2.

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
6 Comment threads
6 Thread replies
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
9 Comment authors
blaxabbathHoratio CornblowerLemonJellonomonkeyfunBeerguyrob Recent comment authors
Notify of

#fbf – I wrote my inaugural Halloween piece (scary Texans stories) about Cushing’s PED use.

Good to see it appears to still be relevant.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m OK with Cushing taking a knee because he doesn’t do it for the anthem, but only to get a better angle when he shoots horse tranquilizers into his ass before every game.



I’m getting a semi thinking about how bad the Patriots will be when Brady retires.


You misspelled “is crippled and disfigured.”


That’s a lot of work to come up with a backstory, roster and history out of thin air.

Good jorb with the sprots fan fiction!


(Not so) Mind blowing fact: When Watson starts on Thursday, the Oilers will have surpassed the Pauls for most starting quarterbacks used since 2014.

Enrico Pallazzo

You really have to admire Cushing. Even though he’s failed every drug test ever, he still is committed to those steroids. #RE2PECT



Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

He’s been telling us for years he likes shooting things…

comment image


He looks pretty good for a dead guy to me.

comment image