Potato chips are the goddamned workhorse of the salty snack category. No matter if you’re some frat dude hosting a poker game or a soccer mom looking to impress while hosting her very first Super Bowl Party (“Canapes, anyone?”) there’ll be a bowl of chips on some flat surface in the general vicinity of the tube. According to a stat that I just made up, the salty snack category in the U.S./Canada is approximately 7.8 bajillion dollars. That’s nothing to sniff at. So you can imagine my evolving surprise/delight/outrage as I wandered about my grocery store and found Salt and Vinegar Ruffles. I love salt/vinegar and I love Ruffles.  Yeah, in The Canada this no-brainer of a chip flavour is not available on an on-going basis. A half-assed search revealed that this varietal is the 4th most consumed in this here paradise. Every, every brand of chip recognizes this and has a S and V flavour available. But no, Ruffles in it’s extraordinary wisdom has made it available ‘for a limited time’.

So the bastards at Ruffles have me backed into a corner. I bought four bags of these chips and the cashier said to me, “You must really like those chips, huh?”. Okay, fine whatever. Ha ha. I went back the next day to grab some more bags and there was only one cash open. Same lady. Fuck. Her smirk and my red cheeks were about the extent of our interaction. tl:dr? FUCK YOU RUFFLES! YOU EMBARRASSED ME BECAUSE YOUR PROFIT ANALYSIS TEAM SUCKS BALLS! TO THE GAME!

Texans/Bengals: My hopes of seeing rb Mixon take over the Cincy running game were dashed on the rocks of Mount Giovani. (It’s a noun Aaron, not a verb) Lb Cushing is sayonara for ten games for “trying to make body strong like bull” so the Texans D may suffer a wee bit. On the other side of the ball all three te’s are in concussion protocol. How does a team run an offense without a tight end? Stay tuned. Hopefully we’ll get a (literal) ton of fat guy action from Bill O’Brien’s “I Should Have Thought Of That Last Week” Offense that will likely start Deshaun Watson at qb and give the team’s most explosive playmaker-D’Onta Foreman-more than one touch. If you’re thinking of starting AJ Green here you may want to give it a second thought like I haven’t. He’s never caught a TD or gone for 100 yards against these fellows.

Seriously, just make those chips available all the time. If you grab just one percent of the existing market that’ll mean millions in sales. I see this all the time with new gum and chocolate bar sales. (There’s a valid reasoning behind the existence of a mocha-flavoured KitKat) [catches breath] DO WHAT THOU WILST IN THE COMMENTS!