Lesser Saturday FOAR Lesser Footy

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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I hope you enjoyed last week’s hefty smorgasbord, but the pickings are way the fuck thinner this weekend, at least the Saturday portion.  Onwards we go, nonetheless!

Palace and Soton open things up (7:30, NBCSN), with the former sporting a new manager after collecting ZERO points from the first four fixtures.  Saints have 5, good for 13th position, so nobody will blame you for sleeping in.

Back to only one televised match in the 10:00 window (NBCSN), surprising 4th position Watford hosting Man City (in 2nd based on goal differential to United).  The Moose Hornets have stepped into a vacuum of sorts left by stumblers the likes of Arsenal and fucking Everton.  City should represent a tall order, but I’d expect a real fight in this one.  If you’ve paid for NBC Sports Gold like a sucker (see Hippo, King) then Huddersfield Town v. Leicester is a decent second match to stream in the background.

Spurs and Swans are the big NBC game (12:30), but my affiliate is showing NC State/Furman JV NFL instead.  Swans are garbage, so I can hardly blame them.

Sunday Funday is where all the prime action resides, with the nameless (but fierce) Derby between Arsenal and Chelsea (8:30, CNBC) followed by Wayne Rooney’s return with Everton to Old Trafford to face Romelu Lukaku’s United (10:55, NBCSN).  Chelsea are in 3rd and look to cement their status as a contender to repeat as champions, whilst 11th position Arsenal need to fight off wolves at the doorstep.  My Toffees…are just a hot fucking mess and their table position (combined with United being first) are proof positive of just how many problems a monster like Big Rom papers over.

I still miss and love the big guy, and watching this match will hurt like hell on many fucking levels.

Oklahoma State at Pitt (Noon, ESPN)

It’s a testament to just how bad this window is that this game is being highlighted.  BDSM State should win by 4-5 TDs.  I will watch my shitty wolves play, and likely struggle against, their 1-AA foe.

UCLA at Memphis (Noon, ABC)

Come for the Chosen Rosen, stay for the…Chosen Rosen.

SMU at TCU (3:30, ESPNU)

It seems like a bunch of ponies would freak the fuck out over a bunch of eye-blood shootin’ horny toads, does it not?  But shit, I want to see it happen.  Entropy, WOO!!

Tennessee at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Both of these sides are (barely) ranked.  Do not expect that to last very much longer.  But maybe we get some entertainment for old times’ sake.

LSU at Mississippi State (7:00, ESPN)

Here’s a fixture with a recent history of being all cray-cray.  Dunno if Dan Mullen has the Cowbells re-stocked enough to compete yet, or if having DAK! was a once in a lifetime window for him/them.  If so, hey, they always have the Starkville prison to brag on.

Kentucky at South Carolina (7:30, SECN)

Why didn’t they show this in the noon window, FFS?  Interesting early season SEC East matchup, two teams who are pretty much an open book.  KY in particular has nothing to lose, and could be dangerous as a result.  The Chickens oft bumble these games.

Clemson at Louisville (8:00, ABC)

Once again, I will root heartily for the upfront, “no bones about it” evil of Bobby Petrino against the faux “humble Christian” shtick of DABO! any day of the week.  Clemson is the dirtiest program in the ACC not named U*NC, and yes, that includes Rapey Jameis’ alma mater.  Not easy to do.

Texas at Southern Cal (8:30, Fox)

This game won’t be much account, but there will be Song Girls, and tis always fun to laugh at Texas.  Plus I guess some chance of a post-Stanford hangover effect.

Stanford at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)

Fun game, everyone gets to find a new channel whilst crunk!  The Aztecs, fresh off they Coed Bowl win, host the downtrodden Trees.  Momentum in JV NFL tends to mean jack shit, though.  Bettors beware…

Ole Miss at Cal (10:30, ESPN)

Interesting tweaker alternate game, in that it should at least be a shootout.  Not sure Johnny Reb will travel that well, but also think Cal isn’t very good.

 

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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Spur
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Spur

Huskers lose at home could the Gods bless us today for an Army win in buttfuck Ohio. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Chelsea Manning approves this sentiment.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yanno, it would be handy if we could set flairs to denote who rooted for what team(s). Tyrion may be able to drink and know things, but for me it’s usually one or the other.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Hmm. Having a team avatar instead of that little green fellow might be cool.

blaxabbath
Member

Can we have non-NFL options as, you know, NFL fandom is more of a thing to be ashamed of.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

If the last election has taught you anything, it’s that we can’t have nice things.

blaxabbath
Member

I’m at the wife’s aunts house. Fox News says Bernie is going to be a force in 2020.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Will he even be ALIVE in 2020? He’s awfully old.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’d like to think he could win, but my head says that we need someone who’s more centrist.

At least he is charasmatic. It’s unfair, but that really is the most important factor.

blaxabbath
Member

Oh I wasn’t clear. They only mentioned it as a threat, surely to fire up Fox News viewers and not let them get complacent and to turn out in 2018/2020 against “the S word”.

(Socialist)

WCS
Member

NIU knocks off Cornfuckers in Lincoln, 21-17.

B1G B1G B1G B1G

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Won’t be no blackshirts in the lockers tomorrey.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

UCLA-Memphis just dropped a Spider Y2 Banana reference on us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Now I want to get invited to a Halloween Party so I can go as Spider 2Y Banana.

WCS
Member

Cornfuckers on life-support against NIU…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Okay, just 23 more hours until the Raiders game. I can make it.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Game is a generous term for it. I’d call it a glorified scrimmage or a gorified comedy of errors, depending on your rooting interest.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

…and of course they are broadcasting the stupid Lawnmowers game here in LA.

blaxabbath
Member

What’s the lawnmower s?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Football Clippers.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Shitty Football Clippers

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So, you start getting into your make-up and costume in 15 minutes?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Well, changing into that make-up and costume, yes.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Can’t remember where I heard it, but there was a theory that Superman was the person, and Clark Kent was just the costume he put on. Would you say that that’s true for you and the Raiders get-up?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I actually have (what I think is) a cool idea for a Superfan costume – silver and black O.R. scrubs with bloodstains and stuff. Unfortunately someone has already claimed the name “Dr. Death”.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Kevorkian would be a Raiders fan.

blaxabbath
Member

Dr L. Alonzo?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Dr. Mal Practice?
Bonesaw Bloodletter, MD?
Josef Mengele?

scotchnaut
Member

“Gotta sharpen the spikes on my shoulder pads to a razor-sharp point. It’s my favourite pre-game ritual.”

-RTD

scotchnaut
Member

The Giants played so lousy last week I’d almost prefer that they not be featured on the Monday nighter this week.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Almost?

scotchnaut
Member

It *is* my team after all. Tell you what-I’ll watch with one eye closed.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Alternatively you can have Pierre-Paul cover your eyes with his hands and achieve the same effect.

scotchnaut
Member

Okie State isn’t going to bother trying to go for 60. Quitters.

scotchnaut
Member

Why did Pitt fans go to the game to fall asleep? Those seats can’t be comfortable.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Are they asleep or passed-out from tailgating and halftime?

scotchnaut
Member

The camera keeps panning to fans in the crowd that have gone for a snooze-I guess they’re mirroring the apathy displayed by their team.

scotchnaut
Member

FURMAN is not who I thought he was.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Cocaine is a hell of a drug
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scotchnaut
Member

Don’t let him on the couch when he goes inside.

/these Rick James/Chappelle Show references write themselves!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

The Paladins rule, dude!

/checks score
Oh. Oh dear.

WCS
Member

Live look-in at Okie State-Pitt:

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Spur
Member
Spur

He ain’t no boy!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

UCONN has outscored Virginia 18-7 since the end of the 3rd quarter.

Pretty sure Virginia left the field 3 minutes ago.

scotchnaut
Member

“He ran out of bounds again?”

-UCONN coach

WCS
Member

Cornfuckers may have just taken the lead on Northern Illinois.

scotchnaut
Member

Game of Death update-After fighting his way through dozens of bad guys including Robert Wall and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bruce Lee-ish totally gets the better of an eighty year-old man.

/Fin

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“This is not a charade.”
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the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

It’s a GODDAMN ARMS RACE!!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

A word to the wise, sometimes adding an “s” to the http breaks the link for no good reason. After many fuckups on my part, I’ve learned to add an “s”, then copy paste the link into another tab to test it before posting.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Fin?!?!?! Have you forgotten about the sequel, the Game of Life?
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scotchnaut
Member

I’m like a ninth-level black belt in that game.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Me too!! For those who don’t know, the “black” in black belt refers to the actual color of our livers.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Speaking of name changes…

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Don’t tell trump about this Air Force QB or else he’ll be forced to change his last name to “Worthfivethirdsman”

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

So, I know this sounds improbable, but I actually posted my comment above before I saw yours. I was intending it to just be a complete non sequitor, but now I’m just vaguely unsettled.

Spur
Member
Spur

Anyone else watching Nebraska fight for its life at home?

WCS
Member

Flipping between that and Ucla biffing against Memphis.

scotchnaut
Member

Damn. That’s one of the few games I don’t get.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Switched to Memphis/UCLA…is this the same officiating crew as last night’s UofI/USF shitshow?

BLEERGH will be going on a diet if this keeps up.

Spur
Member
Spur

Folks

Wakezilla
Member

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Constable.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Oh if I had a nickel…

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Horatio story time?
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Horatio Cornblower
Member

Oh Jesus, that’s clearly going to become my next storyline in HRTN.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.

/you do look fabulous

Wakezilla
Member

Afternoon everyone (or morning for those on the Best Coast)

I just caught 8 episodes of Rick and Morty. Holy shit, that show is awesome.

MitchKissingTitsbisky
Member
MitchKissingTitsbisky

My glip-glop!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Wuba-lubba-dubdub!

Shogun Marcus
Member

I think all of us here agree with your assessment!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

My man!

scotchnaut
Member

Oh Pitt. Poor Pitt. Ten minutes left in the third and they’ve given up 56.

WCS
Member

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Horatio Cornblower
Member

UCONN is currently in a nailbiter against Virginia, fighting desperately to close a 31 point gap as the 3rd quarter ends.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Oh wait, we just ran a double-reverse QB option for a 60 yard TD. Shutout averted!

And then fucked up the 2 pt, conversion, as one does when trailing by 25.

Honestly UCONN can not give up their football program soon enough to suit me. It costs the university millions a year. They lost money going to the Fiesta Bowl FFS!

scotchnaut
Member

They’re real troopers. Super troopers if you will.

WCS
Member

You’ve got Randy Edsell back!

WCS
Member

Memphis up on UCLA, 20-17. Jim Mora, Jr. isn’t interested in playoffs.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Like father…

scotchnaut
Member

Whatever Bowl update- Duke 14 Baylor 7.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

You don’t want to know what happens to the losing side after the game.

Shogun Marcus
Member

It involves penis doesn’t it? I just know there’s penis.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

It doesn’t involve consent, that’s for sure.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

This ACC Halftime show crew doesn’t really know how to do a studio show, do they?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

To be fair, it is the ACC.

WCS
Member

T. Boone Pickins U. squeezing by Pitt, 49-7 late second.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

The power of the mullet compels you!
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Shogun Marcus
Member

To look at my cousins in a lascivious manner while mudding in my pickem up truck?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Isn’t that any day ending in -y for those fine Murricans?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Probably shoulda covered that guy NCSt.

scotchnaut
Member

FEEL THE STRENGTH OF THE FOLLICLES ON FURMAN!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Speaking of Furry things:
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scotchnaut
Member

Stupid kid. Dogs can’t read.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Woe to the unbeliever!
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scotchnaut
Member

When you pair scientists with a lab, anything can happen.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

True.
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scotchnaut
Member

Game of Death (sorta) starring Bruce Lee takes movie editing…somewhere.

scotchnaut
Member

Glorp.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Well that was kinda shitty.

scotchnaut
Member

28 and counting for the Okies.

Nebraska qb has two pick sixes in the first quarter.

scotchnaut
Member

Another car ad with a Parkour angle. woo.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Do you think T. McVey makes the Air Force offense more… explosive?

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh shit, the “T” actually does stand for Timothy.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Really? So, what “sweet” (read: terrible) call sign should they hang on him?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Too bad we can’t play against Furman’s defense every week.

scotchnaut
Member

Okie’s getting out in front of Pitt right quick.

scotchnaut
Member

Furman sounds like a discount super hero.

scotchnaut
Member

“Oh no, he’s getting angry. Look at the fur fly!”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Greetings alleged human beings.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

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litre_cola
Member

Heeeyyy budddyyy, what’s good, like?

yeah right
Member

G’day.

How was the surf?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Crowded today.

yeah right
Member

What started out as “I think I’m going to order the Triple G vs Canelo Alvarez fight” turned into a potentially fairly massive house party.

I ain’t cooking for all these motherfuckers.

You’ll eat pizza and like it!

Bring beer.

scotchnaut
Member

Thing is, if you want to cook for a gang you want to do it right and doing it right takes a long frigging time. Sometimes you just don’t want to expend the energy required.

yeah right
Member

Indeed. This whole thing came together in the last 16 hours with no lead time built in.
I love to cook and crowds don’t scare me but a little fucking advance notice helps too.

yeah right
Member

Besides I do most of my quality cooking on Sundays.

Chicken enchiladas and a pot of ranchero beans tomorrow.

litre_cola
Member

GOOOOOOOOOALLLL FULHAM.

In other news Barca is wearing Roma uniforms today. No Blue no Red.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Instead of the NFL feeder prison league, I recommend watching some AFL replays today to see why Balls and BFC are so damn happy/tumescent.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Indeed!

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I haven’t slept because I’ve been drinking coffee and tea while I write a godawful rambling and overly long and complex email that is supposed to flesh out a pitch, but is probably just making it sound worse, and oh, it’s what I’m doing instead of something important like writing a cover letter for a job application.

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