Your Third Round of NFL Action Open Thread

Good golly Miss Molly, the hits, they keep on coming! The western divisions of each conference get a tussle though one might be a wee bit more relevant that t’udder. TO THE GAMES!

 

SF/ARI: Carlos Hyde has a banged up hip but is expected to play. Still, look for rook rb Matt Breida to get at least 10 touches so that he can lighten the load. If the Niners running game falters then all is for naught because the graceless inadequacy of Bobby Hoying mans the qb spot. Cards qb Palmer had himself a game last week by leaning heavily on wr Fitzgerald. The faint hope among Arizony backers is that Carson can keep it going for a period of time.

Phi/LAC: Rb’s Blount and Smallwood (RIP, Tiny Darren) were happy to see the Chiefs KHunt tear the Chargers a new a-hole in the run game to the tune of 172 yards on just 10 carries. LA’s newest embarrassment is allowing an average of 146 yards per game on the ground. The over/under on the game is 43-that’s the line on how many paying customers will bother to show their pieholes at the game.

NYG/TB: These guys have but one win to show between them but share some ugly tendencies. The Giants lost on a 61 yarder as time expired and the Bucs were doubled up by the Vikes 34-17. All Pro cb Jenkins is back among the healthy and may have to take on Mike Evans. Eli Apple matches up better size-wise but not ability-wise. We’ll see. Perhaps Evans can do the G-men another solid like he did last year and drop the ball 4/5 times. I’m not holding my breath for that to happen though.

Oak/Den: Speaking of dropped passes, the league leader is one Amari Cooper with six. There will be an extra burden on him today because it looks as though cohort Crabtree is a no-go. Say a prayer for Broncs’ right tackle Menelik Watson-he’s given up a half-dozen sacks already this year and will be staring at Khalil Mack all game long.

 

Get it done, you rascally rascals.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yay cardinals, but I want to know whose shoe that was

blaxabbath

Coulda thrown to Fitz 3 hours ago….

Dick E. Phuck

You’re lucky Fitz is a goddamn pass catching god

blaxabbath

Fuck that. We needed that loss.

Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

With this terrible O Line, ARI needs to run the wildcat the rest of the year.

hippofant

Maybe it’s because I’ve been working all day, but have all the games today sucked?

King Hippo

why would you accept that penalty??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The gift is simply too kind.

...

I want a week to end in all ties. ALL TIES.

Dick E. Phuck

You monster

blaxabbath

Fitz with 13 yards in an OT game.

This team sucks.

King Hippo

So plenty of time for AZ to drive for the draw.

hippofant

They don’t call Carson Palmer clutch for nothing.

blaxabbath

ARI needs this loss. The tie does little for QB draft stock.

blaxabbath

Holy shit — SF may eat up the entire 10min OT here so they can kick a winning FG at expiration.

King Hippo

Looks like your Birdcano will at least use up their timeouts first.

blaxabbath

They stood up to support police brutality. Not my Birdcano.

hippofant

Support bird-friendly glass skyscrapers! Bird lives matter!

The Maestro

Just finished dinner, and I see that this Niners-BIRDCANO matchup is still completely dogshit awful. Glad I didn’t miss much.

blaxabbath

ARI is hellbent on PI-ing SF all the way to the end-zone.

Senor Weaselo

/Just walked in the door
Wait, what happened to Carr?

King Hippo

back owie

technodanvan

This is not the AZ I picked in the suicide pool. Can we get a recount?

blaxabbath

If you picked this AZ team, you want to kill yourself.

technodanvan

Well I certainly don’t not want to kill myself!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well now this means I can’t read Raiders blogs for the next week. 2-2 is not a terrible record when you played three of your first four games on the road, but the fans won’t see that.

hippofant

2-2, maybe, but the way that they’ve played has been pretty disappointing. Also, possibly a lot of wailing and gnashing over Carr.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Last two games, sure. But coming as close as they did with a backup quarterback isn’t something to cry about. But I have no doubt that everyone that was screaming “Fire Musgrave” last year is going to be screaming “Fire Downing” tomorrow morning.

hippofant

I’d be less concerned about the backup quarterback than the fact that the Raiders offense hasn’t looked good even with Carr. Even their wins, they blew out the Jets and only put up 26 points on a Titans defense that’s given up 37 to the Jaguars, 33 to the Seahawks, and 57 to the Texans. The Raiders offense is not supposed to underperform JAX, SEA, and HOU, all of which are defense-first teams.

hippofant

Goddamn. If there’s a team in the league that I wanted to play well this season, it was the Raiders.

IronAvenger6491

Alright Denver, time to just let CJ Anderson kill the clock.

King Hippo

Simmons pass covers better than TJ Ward. As Romo aptly noted, Our Equine Lord and Saviour is validated.

King Hippo

WHEW redux

blaxabbath

Oh this is gonna get interesting….

hippofant

In before the NCAA expels them from school.

...

Because they’re college kids? Because several women’s teams were kneeling well before Trump went apeshit about NFL players doing it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Whew, I kneeled once! I’m good. The damn spook Uber driver last night was really awful though!”

Dick E. Phuck

Can the Giants just tank the rest of this season?

technodanvan

Is that different from what they’ve been doing?

blaxabbath

Think about 7 other teams are already in line.

ArmedandHammered

When your record is worse than the Jets….maybe you already are.

hippofant

Someone should tell Beckham then.

Or maybe not. He might pick a fight with the goalposts.

Dick E. Phuck

Yeah, but I don’t think they’ve been doing it on purpose.

technodanvan

I….don’t understand the difference.

Dick E. Phuck

Me neither.

King Hippo

The Donks are gonna choke a 2-possession lead at home to goddamned EJ Manuel

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Tyrod Taylor is galaxies better than most people think.

ArmedandHammered

Really Bucs you are going to stake this game on your kicker?

King Hippo

I mean he only missed one extra point. He made the other.

Brick Meathook

I’m going to sell this play to the Chargers as well. It comes with a free felt pen.

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Romonobyl

They’re still trying to figure out the two-stage supercharger from earlier.

Brick Meathook

Get it? Charger?

(crickets)

Gratliff

Aw, yes. One team division.

Dick E. Phuck

Fuck this. Fuck fuck fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Ha! Shannahan just caught Hoyer’s 3rd down pass.

King Hippo

good thing scotchy went to sleep

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

You need the lock-on cartridge for that one, right?

blaxabbath

This ARI/SF game is atrocious is every regard.

King Hippo

someone has to win on a “holding in the end zone” safety, I reckon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently Trump dedicated the President’s Cup golf trophy to the people of Puerto Rico. I probably would have gone with a standard “Fuck you coconut n*ggers” but I guess his way gets his message across pretty effectively too.

blaxabbath

Why does he get to dedicate the trophy? Is he PGA president too?

Oh god — now every event will offer a gold jacket.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Honestly, if aliens are ever going to arrive, I want it to be now so they can tell us we’re far, far too stupid to go out into the universe and that we’re being quarantined on this planet.

Gratliff

G’night Gints

hippofant

David Diehl looks dapper.

...

Remind me to change the channel so I don’t accidentally watch that 60 Minutes segment with Steve Scalise and throw my TV out the window.

Gratliff

Racist. Asshole. Hero.

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The fact CBS can unironically air segments of his recovery using government-funded healthcare is proof our major news outlets are lobotomized.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli; change the channel so you don’t accidentally watch that 60 Minutes segment with Steve Scalise and throw your TV out the window.

...

OH THANK GOD! I was just opening my window!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THAT was fucking close; good call.

blaxabbath

ARI needs to pick up Kaep if for no other reason than to become interesting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would someone kindly point me to the mage who cast a permantent “fumble” spell on Amari Cooper?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

EJ Manuel… shockingly good on that drive.

King Hippo

WHEW

Gratliff

Extremely same

King Hippo

yinz have a 4th down convert?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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