Bortles 4:3 Just Said The Jaguars are …. uh…….the bye

A brief history of the the term 4-3:

Time begins;

 

On July 3, 1890, Idaho joined the union as the 43rd state. why they couldn’t wait 1 more day to coincide with Independence Day, will forever be a mystery.

Years pass

In 2013, Movie 43 is released. Lambasted by critics for trying to hard to appeal to modern audiences with unconventional story structure.  I always felt the movie wasn’t nearly that bad.

 

That’s it. That’s all I have. 43 is a prime number you see, so I can’t make some stupid series of jokes about “the number 43” or some shit. The Jaguars are 4 and 3, already managing to eclipse my prediction of 3-13.

 

 

This qb is somehow 4-3

Sorry, that’s not the right QB. that’s chad Henne

In my defense I’ve barely the seen the Jaguars play in the last 43 years, so can you hardly blame me for being unfamilar with their revolving door of mediocrity

 

Except, is 4 & 3 really mediocre?

 

Yes.

Yes it is

 

Are there secret rumblings that the jaguars are actaully kinda good? Maybe, but much like their AFC East counterpart the bills, no one wants to waste the brain power entertaining the notion that this team is good. Their record is easily explained by a look at their schedule

  • SEP 10 WIN JAGUARS 29 TEXANS – The Texans suck/are all injured/have qb inconsistency and can’t pull their heads out of their asses
  • SEP 17 LOSS TITANS 37 JAGUARS – The Titans are not that good, stop trying to say they are
  • SEP 24 WIN RAVENS 7 JAGUARS 44 – The Ravens suck/are all injured/have qb inconsistency and can’t pull their heads out of their asses
  • OCT 1 LOSS AGUARS 20 JETS 23 – The Jets are terrible, stop trying to say they’re not
  • 5 OCT 8 WIN  PITTSBURGH – JAGUARS 30 STEELERS – The Steelers suck/are all injured/have qb inconsistency and can’t pull their heads out of their asses
  • OCT 15 LOSS RAMS 27 JAGUARS 17 – The Rams are only sort of ok, stop trying to say they’re better
  • OCT 22 WIN  JAGUARS 27 COLTS – The Colts suck/are all injured/have qb inconsistency and can’t pull their heads out of their asses

 

There. Send Scooby Doo home because we’ve solved the mystery. The universe just doesn’t seem right with the Jaguars above 500. Mike Mularkey Gus Bradley Doug Marrone has yet to prove himself as a coach, and how much difference Tom Coughlin is actually making is yet to be seen. The jags have an absurdly easy schedule going forward. With matchup against the browns, 49ers, and rematches with the colts and Texans, this team has all the opportunity to make the playoffs. But they won’t. The universe can only withstand so many outliers, something has got to give.

 

 

And its going to be this guy:

 

 

 

Leonard Fournette is averaging 4.6 yards a carry, and nearly 100 yards a game.  This writer wonders if he is in fact the second coming of Maurice Jones-Drew. Seeing as Fournette has already missed playing time in his young career due to injury, All he needs to do to complete this imitation is to rag on other players for not playing through injuries while he himself sits on the bench. He’ll probably get injured,  the team will rely on gerrard again, and the rest will be history.

 

 

 

There. That’s my jags review. the squad will not finish above 9-7, they do, I’ll eat dennys as punishment. Not the restaurant, actual people named Denny. At least 2.

 

Also, for filler, I’m just gonna post jags cheerleaders

 

Brocky
Brocky

Congratulations, you’ve wondered to the profile the being commonly known as Brocky, step 2 is washing it off.

Brocky is a castaway from the old site, and took part in the great migration of 2015. His tastes can vary from the cynical to the bizarre, and a weird affinity for the band Nightwish.

Brocky is a die hard Chicago fan, and can be found hanging his hat in Indiana, his windbreaker in ohio, and once lost a shoe somewhere in northeast michigan (Don’t worry lefty, you and your brother WILL be reunited)

anything else? feel free to ask…

also, if you’re wondering about the pic, its a hyena carrying a the head of a lion. King of the Ocean my Ass!

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blaxabbath
Member

Fun [DFO] Fact: Twin Picks was supposed to be a Jaguars saga but I didn’t know any of their players and like no photos of that team exist.

That said, I thought TEN was supposed to be the runaway AFC South team?

And we call the Texans make-believe…

Wakezilla
Member

With Watson going down, they could probably win their division with an 8-8 record. Everything is coming up Bortles!

litre_cola
Member

No Watson, no Luck, and a hobbled Mariota, I would say so.

monty this seems strange to me
Member

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Here’s one Denny you may want you eat…

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Wakezilla
Member

She seems friendly. Does she play qb?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

WR

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

You might want to cut/paste the Rams paragraph into the Steelers’ paragraph. I don’t think the Steelers are that good, but they certainly don’t suck, have QB issues (yet!), or have many injuries (yet!).

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

This just in, Jags to win this division:

https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/926189951280173056

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

This guy is intrigued by your ideas and would like to sign up for your newsletter:

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Beerguyrob
Member

I’m stunned by their record and their cheerleader.

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