Your “Three is Better Than Two” NFL Football Open Thread

Two games at the 4 spot last week. Why must we suffer such foolishness? Another game has graced the second round and even though my abacus is in the shop I can tell you that this increase in tilts of 33% (50%?, 65%?) makes everything okay. It makes the chili taste better. It makes the tv screen shine brighter. It makes the new-fallen snow melt faster. (“Easy does it there, Mother Nature. You’ve got plenty of time.”) It makes the beer store open sooner on Sunday. (it does not) Okay, fine. It does make my intros more long-winded than usual. TO THE GAMES!

Ari/SF: I figured that Hoyer would last the season but I know nothing. Tanking isn’t pretty but sometimes it seems a bit too obvious I guess. Jimmy “MARCO!” Garoppolo to the rescue! Them Niners finally have a shot today to throw a “1” to the left of the win/loss column because just like the Dacteds, Arizonny is all kinds of bunged up and Drew Stanton is the answer to nobody’s question. If this fixture was a meal it would be the one that Andy Reid keels face-first into after his heart beats its last.

Was/Sea: The Fish Tossers have trampolined back from a 1-2 start and share first in the division with them Rammers. The Dacteds are trying to inch their way towards Dallas in the NFC East but the gravity that manifests itself in the Giants sucking-hole is all-powerful. So down they should go. Their only hope is to escape Intensive Care-here be a list of starters that are out/compromised by injury: Crowder, Williams, Spaight, Scherff, Nsekhe, Long, Breeland, Kelley and Reed. That’s nuts.

KC/Dal: “He’s in, he’s out, he’s in, he’s out!” No, that’s not a play-by-play of your fave Pornhub vid done by Gus Johnson, that’s the sports media’s daily update on Zeke’s adventures within the legal system. As of early Sunday he’ll be taking the field but a lot can happen in six hours. The Cowboys are happy because the Chiefs give up an average of 131 yards ground-wise. KC will counter Dallas’ suspect D with Kelce (6th in receiving yards) and Hill (7th). Oh, there’s also that guy Kareem Hunt-he’s 5th in rushing. This here should be a Funyuns, er, fun one.

Do that thing you do with your digits. Ah, that feels good.

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DunstanMoose -The End Is Well NighShogun MarcusKing HippoViva La Tabula Raza Recent comment authors
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Dunstan
Dunstan

Time to check out what’s going on with the Ice Bears and the Ice Alouettes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Who likes the first place? RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! oh yeah!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Graham needs to practice his rebounding.

King Hippo

Holy Christ, what a PERFECT ball that was. Well defended to take it from Graham.

King Hippo

Jay Gruden is an idiot.

King Hippo

But there will be a Hail Mary. In fucking Seattle.

King Hippo

What a great piece of officiating to have gotten the call right on the field, BTW. Kudos.

King Hippo

THAT will be the end, won’t Pete Carroll react reasonably!

Spur
Spur

He’s down… clock should be running.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Because I love upsets, Seattle will drive down and score a TD, and I will be disappointed.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Happy to be wrong.

Spur
Spur

The Redacted’s seem to know they should run from the 1, unlike the Seahawks

King Hippo

Tough, but fair

Brocky

Why fuck is Chicago blacking out the sea game?

Bears don’t play, no blackouts this week

King Hippo

Fox didn’t have national coverage this window, only CBS

Shogun Marcus

You touch yourself. You know the rules.

King Hippo

Fat RobDOWN!!!

Too soon?

King Hippo

SEA shoulda let him score

Spur
Spur

yup

Spur
Spur

Cousins should be a Donk or Card next season.

King Hippo

Birdcano can have him.

#SwagKelly4Lyf!!

King Hippo

HOLY SHIT Redacteds!!!

Spur
Spur

Dallas win
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Romonobyl

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Brocky

You can attack Dallas in the seondary, but you can’t call 3 prawns a galaxy

-Andy Reid

King Hippo

And Cousins gets his dingleberry shit together!