Two games at the 4 spot last week. Why must we suffer such foolishness? Another game has graced the second round and even though my abacus is in the shop I can tell you that this increase in tilts of 33% (50%?, 65%?) makes everything okay. It makes the chili taste better. It makes the tv screen shine brighter. It makes the new-fallen snow melt faster. (“Easy does it there, Mother Nature. You’ve got plenty of time.”) It makes the beer store open sooner on Sunday. (it does not) Okay, fine. It does make my intros more long-winded than usual. TO THE GAMES!
Ari/SF: I figured that Hoyer would last the season but I know nothing. Tanking isn’t pretty but sometimes it seems a bit too obvious I guess. Jimmy “MARCO!” Garoppolo to the rescue! Them Niners finally have a shot today to throw a “1” to the left of the win/loss column because just like the Dacteds, Arizonny is all kinds of bunged up and Drew Stanton is the answer to nobody’s question. If this fixture was a meal it would be the one that Andy Reid keels face-first into after his heart beats its last.
Was/Sea: The Fish Tossers have trampolined back from a 1-2 start and share first in the division with them Rammers. The Dacteds are trying to inch their way towards Dallas in the NFC East but the gravity that manifests itself in the Giants sucking-hole is all-powerful. So down they should go. Their only hope is to escape Intensive Care-here be a list of starters that are out/compromised by injury: Crowder, Williams, Spaight, Scherff, Nsekhe, Long, Breeland, Kelley and Reed. That’s nuts.
KC/Dal: “He’s in, he’s out, he’s in, he’s out!” No, that’s not a play-by-play of your fave Pornhub vid done by Gus Johnson, that’s the sports media’s daily update on Zeke’s adventures within the legal system. As of early Sunday he’ll be taking the field but a lot can happen in six hours. The Cowboys are happy because the Chiefs give up an average of 131 yards ground-wise. KC will counter Dallas’ suspect D with Kelce (6th in receiving yards) and Hill (7th). Oh, there’s also that guy Kareem Hunt-he’s 5th in rushing. This here should be a Funyuns, er, fun one.
Do that thing you do with your digits. Ah, that feels good.
I used to drink Bud Light exclusively many years ago. I finally got smart and moved on to better brews, then recently was offered one while working in the yard. I drank it due to being a polite neighbor, my God what the hell was I thinking back then?
We’ve all been young and clueless…
Hmmm…
Black Jesus doesnt fuck around.
FIT YOUR WEALTH THROUGH THE EYE OF THIS, MOTHERFUCKERS
Too dark, can’t do what he wants.
-Modern GOP
The most under-discussed problem in America, Black on White Crime.
“Don’t make me get my dad!”
Fox News headline: BLAMELESS JOB CREATORS HARRASSED BY JEW
Daily Stormer Headline: See, they did it to their own People!!
Hey guys, KC defense!! See that guy that just ran past you? Yeah him….somebody might wanna turn around and follow him.
The sun is low already. Am already getting sleepy.
Wake up! Spurs on in 80 minutes!
I hope that’s actually Aaron Rodger’s adorable dog in those commercials. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to pretend to be involved in a highly publicized dog ownership in the eye of the media just to throw of the scent of some other pet preference.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=TSg_LQCt83E
I heard he’s into pussy.
Might be his, might not be. We have no way to know for sure
SeaTruther kicker melting some steel beams of his own.
What do you mean? Shanked footballs can’t melt steel beams!!
That’s just what the Jews want us to believe!!!111
D LAW
Come on, DangeRuss, I need you to score some fuckinfg points
Has anyone ever talked about how lame that nickname is?
Yes. Almost as lame as the person who carries it.
I CALL THIS DALLAS D A TAMPON BECAUSE …
This game is giving me Toxic Shock Syndrome?
There’s a string attached?
I think the biggest friend to the crown in the NFL is Vontaze Burfict.
Holy shit. Dwight Freeney’s still functioning.
Staying true to the nickname: Dwight “I’m still alive” Freeney.
Dak’s givin’ it a little too hard out there. They need someone a little more Favre-esque.
Shootout reference? Too soon.
At this rate, it’ll always be too soon
I thought Romo was going dark for a sec…
pew pew! pew pew!!
Janine Garaffalo is all like “this game is meh”
It’s nice to know her bipolarity is already leaning toward the depressive side. She’ll be ahead of the game in SF. woo
Is it still a catch if you’re holding the ball with your scrotum?
How did you not pick that off Chiefs!?
I’m making odds on Sean Lee’s survival through the game. Current numbers have him out by the half. Who wants in?
I’m surprised he didn’t shatter into pieces lacing up his shoes.
He has Beasley do that for him; he’s already so close to his feet and all.
One appreciates the Andy Reid “manage the clock” strategy when one is fading Zeke and Dez in fantasy,
* Also applies to Dak Dak Dak.
Romo using “sun” and “moon” legit in the same sentence makes me a little happy.
M-O-O-N that spells Sun.
“Superhero shit and melodrama? Count me in.”
-Stupid People Everywhere
I understand Murrika less and less with each passing second.
/except for FOOTBAW
Hey that chipotle Superman released and cried on would sell for a lot on ebay.
It’s a graphic novella!
I am soooo looking forward to not watching Young Sheldon tonight.
Berry being out is really hurting the Chiefs’ ability to cover for Acker’s inability to cover.
Thanks Alex Smith. Overthrowing Hill inside the 10 was a much better idea than hitting Kelce on the little 7 yd slant.
He’s throwing like a man possessed.
THE POWER OF THE SEX CANNON COMPELS YOU!
I saw an ad for that last night on this site I….was….on….
Never mind. You meant something else.
…the power of sex cannon compels me…
/throws literal white rope across the room
Look at Romo. Up there smiling away. Double J is going to buy you fanciest ruby encrusted Desert Eagle.
Why do people seek out things that they know will anger them, such as inflammatory Twitter posts, and then repost them? It’s like a fish who just got a mouthful of hook who’s bragging to the other fish how stupid the worm was.
/fires off 100 angry tweets
Say what?
Eh, I still watch the Dolphins, so I’m not one to talk.
People are really fucking stupid.
Yes…yes they are.
Oh! That little bike the guy is riding in the Verizon commercial is called an Urb-E. I am tangentially related to one of the designers. I haven’t gotten to ride one yet, though.
I used to live down the street from the guy that invented the Sybian. I also didn’t get to…oh, nevermind.
I can’t tell if this is a joke or not.
I agree. Garoppolo shouldn’t play all year.
I agree as well, I mean…did you see Cop Land?
Zeke, today would be a great day to stow that feed me shit for the rest of the season m’kay thanks.
NOTE to self – Do NOT bet on Tomsulas.
HEY, maybe I should bet on Dolphins in the night fixture!! What could possibly go wrong?
Funny you should mention that.
I might have given you some personal betting advice on that one in the late SNF thread.
😛
Cowboys D all over KHunt
A Westworld Porn Parody
Cole Beasley is grittier than Flint Michigan tap water.
I hope this joke leads to a more serious discussion about water quality.
counterpoint: too many pills
Who the fuck is Flint Michigan and how can I get him on my FF team?
Doink!
I love that little bastard.
– A. Peterson
– Antonio Cromartie, trying to avoid the embarrassment of calling one of his kids by the wrong name
14 names are a bitch to remember.
I’m pretty sure he has some kind of bar code system set up.
Gritty TD.
I fell asleep on the couch, laying in an awkward position.
I come to, not able to feel anything below the waist. I literally just crawled across the floor to the bathroom to take a piss in my shower because I couldn’t stand up.
Spina bifida is a pain in the ass.
Sounds like a Weinstein interaction.
I would laugh…except it hurts and I think i may shit myself….
Words often heard during a Weinstein interaction. Irony?
Hang in there, JSD.
Romo uses the word “acumen”.
/fuck it, I’m on board
What’s the big deal? I say that all the time after I sneeze.
– E. Smith
I’m not familiar with that spice.
You gotta admire the guts of John Lynch:
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/heres-what-bill-belichick-said-when-the-49ers-asked-if-tom-brady-was-available-for-trade/
Sean Lee: KHunt Trapper
And Jerrah’s got the BangBros bus in the parking lot.
I moved from the Bears market to the 49rs market. This whole “air the games of the local teams” thing is stupid and annoying
Seconded. Guess which of the three games I don’t get here? (Yep – the one I actually want to watch.)
On the bright side, this is the first Boyz game I’ve looked forward to in a long time.
No Andy, BBQ sauce does NOT count as a vegetable.
I haven’t seen Andy Reid so upset about something getting burned since…
I mean, he’s always preferred his brisket to be a little well done, but this…
Why is it that teams who play the Seahawks have a tendency to leave receivers wide open 30 yards downfield?
It’s a conspiracy!
If the Eagles beat Dallas in 2 weeks, Eagles fans will reach a new level of intolerable
It’s all a set-up for them to eat shit in the Super Bowl, ideally to the Chiefs.
Everyrready stocks would take a serious hit.
Romo is great as an announcer. Somehow, he has lowered Nantz’ shittyness.
SAFETY DANCE
Jameis Winston is a franchise douchebag.
People think Andy Reid is really great with X’s and O’s, but he’s good at arranging other letters too. For example, in the above comment he was instantly able to spot the letters that make up “bag of fries”.
Evenin’ gents.. So, aside from the NFL apparently doing a crossover thing with the UFC.. what did I miss?
Trump tweets “May God be with the people of Sutherland Springs.”
He is, idiot. They are being personally introduced to Him. That’s the problem!
It’s crazy how one can identify the ethnicity of both the shooter and the victims from a single Trump tweet.
Texans done Texan’d.