Another end to the work grind rears its sumptuous, ball-tingling head. We’re eleven weeks in already, folks. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve made fun of each other, we’ve masturbated to comments that have received more than 6 likes, we’ve disparaged certain commenters over the P.A. system at our workplaces- We…we’ve done a lot of things. Have you set your fantasy lineups yet? Perhaps this is a good time to take a second look, or a first one if you’re the type of guy that quit on the league three weeks ago because you weren’t in first place and when confronted on it, pretend to have “a life”, whatever that means. [makes wanking motion] TO THE GAME!
Ten/Pit: First things first-how is it that the Titans don’t have an injury report? There’s not a body on there anywhere. How is that possible? Last I checked this was a sport that destroyed player’s minds and bodies. As Belichick would say, “Somebody is not doing their job”. We’ve got dueling four straight win streaks headed into this game but of those eight total wins, six have been by six points or less. Of more interest to Scooby, Shaggy and the other occupants of The Mystery Van is, “how the hell can the Titans be 6-3 when they’ve given up 213 points and only scored 205”? I’m sure that league-wide stats will shed some flashlight on this conundrum. Hmmm, they’re 16th in team D and 22nd in team O. Oh, they gon be exposed tonight!, methinks. As for your player to take a gander at I submit to you JuJu Smith-Schuster. Not only did he win 2nd place in the poodle category at last year’s Westminster Dog Show, he’s also the Steelers leading receiver in TD’s! That’s one hell of a skill-set, folks.
Get to it you meddlin’ kids!
I sure am enjoying the Steelers use of Bell this year.
Fuckers.
Six interceptions? That’s six more than the Raiders!
FUN ERNEST BORGNINE FACT: In 1964 Borgnine was married to Ethel Merman for 32 days. They spent the entire marriage hurling profane insults at each other.
Interesting how this turned into a defensive struggle on a dime.
Thursday legs
Ben knows all about defensive struggles.
/Too easy. Needed to be said though.
HARF!!
Just remembering today is Thursday How’s Mariota looking post the inspector clusesau outfit?
Like it’s a video game maaannnnn.
BLOCKITY-BOO!
/look, I’m just trying to get the comment number up
Okay, mad props for playing the Ramones during the bumper.
An anti-Reagan/anti-Nazi song, to boot.
The Rolling Stones better watch out.
I don’t think the Ramones are gonna be writing any more songs, so the Stones are probably OK
210,000 gallons spilled from the Keystone Pipeline.
Dear god the smug from hippies will be unbearable come morning…
It sounds worse if you call it 800,000 litres. Or not as bad if you go with 5000 barrels.
I appreciate your spelling.
It’s obviously obama’s fault, if he would have been a better pipe builder it wouldn’t’ve leaked.
“Oh, Barry can LAY SOME PIPE, chuh chuh!!” – Michelle O., Chi****, IL
Your concern lies with ‘the hippies’?
DeShone Kizer just threw his remote at his TV after seeing that successful QB sneak. His broke his remote, but his TV is perfectly fine.
In other news, is my heavy, HEAVY investment in the Zimbabwe dollar finally paying off!?
/wipes sweat from brow with spare 100 Trillion Dollar bill.
I like the bitcoin jackasses that think the crisis in Zimbabwe is going to magically lead to more people using their internet ass pennies.
Internet ass pennies. I like that.
I still don’t even know how Bitcoin makes money. It defies logic.
I have enough trouble trying to understand how real money works, FFS
Idiots keep throwing more USD into it. Its a really obvious pyramid scheme, but its set up perfectly for people that think they are really smart.
Imagine a massive public ledger that is just slow as fuck. Now imagine it can handle like 3 transactions per second. Well Visa does 1,667 transactions a second.
There is no real privacy as all you have to do is compromise a few wallets to figure out where shit is going. The vast majority of the coins never move and if they did, the bottom would drop out. Most of the transactions going on are bullshit fake transactions on Chinese servers to make it look like lots of people are using them, so their own mining farms can discover blocks (basically how the ledger is created) to get bitcoins which they immediately sell for yuan.
They just recently had a split between Bitcoin and Bitcoin Cash. Long story short, a bunch of basement dwelling morons are fighting over a system that doesn’t even facilitate the movement of drugs and illicit porn very well because again, its a public fucking ledger.
It is beyond moronic.
Crypto coin market cap, combined, is something like 200 Billion usd. That’s a pretty nice basement, I’d take it.
https://coinmarketcap.com/
I realize that is what the market is claimed to be. That is a joke.
We are talking about less than 5% of the coins ever move. Most are locked up in wallets owned by “Satoshi”. Any significant movement of coins, the price drops out immediately.
The vast majority of users are solely speculators. No one would be able to extract anywhere close to that value from the market.
A single exchange going down is enough to spook the price down by $500. The vast majority of trades are performed by bots. Its not a true market at all. Hell, the price right now is being insanely ballooned up by tether.
That whole mess is HILARIOUS. Basically a single exchange is offering supposed “tethered” coins to USD…only they have never been audited and they have no agreements with banks. This came out when they lost their bank access in Hong Kong. So effectively every 30 days, they are magically created like $50 million USD in new Tethers into their system to inflate their volume.
The system is a joke. If anyone is thinking about getting involved in it, stay the fuck away.
Well, back to selling knives I guess. Anyone got a penny?
For every guy bragging he bought a car off bitcoin mining, there’s 100 who don’t even know where theirs went.
I have a friend who is probably a bitcoin billionaire by this point. He used to give them away as prizes for pick ’em football and NCAA. I used 0.1 to pay for my football streaming last year, which unfortunately amounts to like $700 now.
Most likely not. Its incredibly difficult to pull USD out of the system. If you go onto an exchange, you are going to get ripped the fuck off. Exchanges are designed where you can get your cash into the system, but you can never get it out.
So that leaves localbits. Imagine Craig’s List only its basement dwelling internet libertarians. You will get ripped off if not outright robbed.
That’s what stops me from investing in the Stock Market. It seems like I would have to risk a lot of money to earn a little profit. Its almost like the Casino, only with extra zeros and me really confused why I’m losing money.
At least in a casino you can see how you’re getting fucked.
Same with a brothel. Not that I would know.
And at least you get some shitty, watered-down booze for the effort.
[sees the Titans first play of the drive]
Ben McAdoo: “Play action on first down? What sort of voodoo sorcery is that?”
That “Whats a computer” apple ad makes me want to punch my computer screen.
You shouldn’t do that, it is not good for it. Do you know what a computer is?
Definitely not in THIS social climate;
Hurr-durr the wimminz can’t do the math. They can’t even count. That girl wasn’t 14, she was 16. Totally legal, just like in Jesus’ time.
-New Moore’s Law
Much like the old Moore’s Law, they can never get small enough
The Announcers have the same logic and reasoning skills of a baby playing “Peak-a-Boo”.
“Oh, no. The front part of the ball disappeared, The back 75% is visible up to that guy’s leg but what happened to the other quarter of it?!”
I guess they liked that Tyreek Hill pickerception play so much, they decided to run it themselves?
What the fuck was that?
I am getting so of these moronic trick plays…
“Nothing wrong with a Jap play every once and a while”
That’s the 2nd smartest incomplete pass I’ve seen.
We do NOT want MurrayDOWNs today. No siree BOB!
https://www.usquidditch.org/
We need a nice long ground war with no draft deferments…
Make it like the reverse of Vietnam. If your parents went to college you get drafted and have an MOS of 11B. I’ll sign my 39 year old ass up for that. I’ve got a hell of a lot better chance of surviving than those quidditch morons.
FOX has Doug Jones up 50-42 on “Rape Van Roy” Jones.
I may get some of my faith in my fellow Southern folk back, after all.
Knowing Fox as I do, I figure they’re fudging the numbers so that the angry Alabama racists waddle onto their hoverounds and vote with their black hearts.
“Black heart. Pardon me while I whip this thing out.”
-dies from pulling heart
I wouldn’t count on it. Moore’s gonna win with room to spare. I’d love to be wrong but I have no faith in Alabama doing the right thing.
I hate everything that the Steelers are, represent and stand for, but the Titans need to let it go. That wasn’t a late hit. He let go of him out of bounds.
Malarkey?
I figured out what I am giving every member of my family for Christmas this year…
So…. given his comments way back in the day, is it just a matter of time before Collinsworth gets outed as a pedo?
If needed, I’m willing to travel back in time and ask 10-year old me to take one for the team.
Thank you from all of us.
THAT wasn’t unnecessary roughness out of bounds? Jesus.
It looks like he dropped him out of bounds. So I guess its not a late hit if you don’t hit him?
Pittsburgh is the perfect example of this, but you can throw in pretty much any time, especially Baltimore, where you have a fan base that acts like the team reflects the characteristics of the city and the people in the city, thus the fans.
I am 100% certain that none of the people in the stadium live and work in Pittsburgh. They may work in the city, but no way in hell do they live in the city. If they could afford to live in the good parts, they are hipsters that follow stupid sports like that fucking made up shit in that wizard movie…quiche or whatever.
Same with fucking Baltimore. Never met a Baltimore fan in the stadium that actually fucking lived in the city. It was always a whole slew of people from the burbs, who didn’t even try to hide their racism towards the city.
Announcer: “And the field goal makes it 10-0, Steelers.”
Me (under breath): “Damn it.”
/ Hits start button
/ Selects Quit Game
/ Selects Don’t Save or Simulate
/ Confirms that results from this game will be lost
/ Returns to Season Mode Menu
/ Selects Play Game @ PIT
Announcer: “Welcome to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for tonight’s game where the Tennessee Titans will face the Pittsburgh Steelers.”
My favorite hockey image is the “Player Celebrates Immediately After Shot And Sadfaces All The Way Back Up The Ice After Flashy Save”
Someone hit pause. I’m gonna grab something from the fridge.
I know a lot of games that I don’t want to be involved with if it includes Big Ben, bathroom wrestling is one of them.
So now I have a bar to match my balls? Thanks internet Dad.
I’ve never played computer games, and this Maddenvision thing leaves me cold.
I did for a long time but not recently, but I do really like seeing the formations from this angle and the pocket pressures.
Empirically it is a better view to see where holes open up for the run and to see routes better.
I’ve been watching the traditional camera angle for almost 50 years and I don’t like new things!
Hello, Actual 2017 Tennessee Titans
You could see that pick coming . Thanks Maddenvision™!
Pressed the wrong button. Should have thrown to A button.
Radko Gudas with a dirty play? Noooooo that can’t be right, can it? Next you’ll be telling me not to go in against a Sicilian with Death on the line.
Forgot they played the Ice Bombers tonight, must find a stream.
It’s the free game of the day on yahoo, I believe.
Not up here my friend. We don’t get our drugs for free. Found one though.
That’s not a great look, yeah.
FOX News just banned Gene Simmons from its studios. How many times does he try to sue them?
Dare I ask why?
Apparently, he was fucking with people in the office without a shirt for some fucking reason. That used to just be casual friday around there.
For the life of me, I do not get why KISS is so huge.
Before he took command of PT-73, obviously.
Long before they were telling us that Antonio Gates played basketball, they told us that Pittsburgh has 3 rivers.
He is the only tight end that plays hoops though right?
As far as I’ve heard. My memory’s abilities are limited to the length of a single broadcast.
in the history of EVAR
Bwahahahahahaha!!!!
Jared from Subway just tried to file an appeal to his 15 year sentence…
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/true-crime/wp/2017/11/14/jared-fogle-just-tried-to-get-out-of-his-sex-crime-sentence-with-a-legal-hail-mary/?utm_term=.ec7d1b40ae30
He went with the good old “sovereign citizen” legal argument that has never, fucking EVER worked. Not surprisingly, it was filed pro se.
guess that settles which gang he pledged, eh?
Sovereign Citizen would be a great name for a lot of things: bands, bars, penises, etc.
Is anyone eating food?
/asking for a hungry friend
thinking about the iced cream in the freezer…
As long as it isnt Micheal Sam
Nope. I only consume inedible matter.
Quesadilla night over here.
Sadly no. Forgot my dinner at home. Though I did make a killer onion soup the other day.
I’m licking old hummus off of some playing cards…
I really fucking need to do so dishes…
Going to go pick up sandwiches for the office in about an hour.
If Bourble is ‘food’ then, yes.
I bet the Sharks hate playing the Flyers, because they look at Logan Couture on their team and realize they could have had Couturier.
other things we have learned – Dubya, Sr. was quite the assman.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/seventh-woman-accuses-george-hw-bush-groping-her-photo-op
Methinks all us men are likely gonna be mass sterilized in about 10 years, and frankly, we have it coming.
What’s up people.
Not Al Franken’s Presidential/VP prospects ,, smgdh
Sigh, DAMNIT AL!
Stuart Smalley is so very disappoint.
My prediction is that this game is a huge turd and the Steelers roll.
a turd is always a safe bet, especially since I decided not to bet on the Yinzers since the line didn’t move from 7 to 6.5
Steelers by 7 you say? Yes please.
it’s one of those where I want to take the Yinzers to win, and hedge with Tits moneyline (+335)
errrone says they will roll, so your angle may be smart.
when I am this conflicted, I usually just abstain though. I mean, I have my wee $50 props to scratch my heroine itch.
You’re Nostradamus so far.
Evening commentists, I hope that you are well. Need me some Juju 1st td tonight.
fellow prop bet crack aficianado!
I bet Juju to out-receive Corey Davis (by 15 or more yards, +105), and for Mariota to get at least 23 yards rushing (-102).
Fitty closing in on a contract extension, so blax’ ticket purchase is now in vain.
Well, I was an Oilers fan when they were the Houston Oilers, so I’ll be rooting for them to help the Patriots out tonight, home-field-advantage-wise.
There is all sorts of wrong in that comment, but I give it a plus one for the Oilers love.
Luv ya Blue!
Earl Muthafuckin’ Campbell. Watching him run was a religious experience.
Hawt.
The emergent baby’s father must have been a US Calvaryman.
HAHA Carl! That tiger looks totally fake!
(Turns on computer)
(Opens Internet Browser)
(See Al Franken’s face on front page)
“Oh, dear God, no…”
I wouldn’t want him grabbin’ mah boobs neither!!
I appreciate him documenting his sexual assault on camera like that. You rarely see that level of efficiency out of congress.
Transparent government is always a plus.
Its fucking hilarious to me.
I routinely am amazed at the stupid shit people will document.
Feels like a bounce back on the home short week setting for the Yinzers, though I’d feel guilty betting against DonT and all his spooky candles.
Take the TITS!
– Al Franken