2017 Quotables – Week 13 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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Looks like we’re back to fan action this week. But since some people aren’t watching the NFL anymore, you’re gonna have to go to the SEC to see some real fans. Fortunately, snowflakes wear Zubaz too. I’d like to think the broadcasts return to focusing on fan engagement has something to do with efforts to combat the “excitement for the NFL is dying” narrative that is going around (or, at least, was when I was following the league) but let’s stick with a simpler solution — cold weather means fans are drinking more and, therefore, more entertaining to watch.

[Checks loading status: Only 43%? Shoot, what else we got for ’em?]

Then again, how appropriate would it be that Philadelphia would win the championship in the year that viewership declines by double digits? Like, if the Eagles wins Super Bowl L2, did it really happen? I won’t know — I’ll be watching FoxNews’ 24/7 broadcast of us nuking North Korea.

[How about now: 70%? Close enough.]

So here are your Week 13 Quotables!


Please tell me the NFL Team Shop sells Jets Yamakas.

Robert Kraft calls his attorney to trademark The Patriot Tight End Way.

No way. These chicks dip Grizzly.

Kizer-Vision: Where triple coverage means wide open.

And in this corner, standing at 5’6″ and weighting 165 lbs… the Seattle Scrambler, Ruuuuuuuussell Wiiiiiiiiiiilson!

Presented without comment.

No Quotables season is complete without a Matt Stafford getting blown up gif.

This guy left work early FOR THIS?!

Bonus Submission: Denver Broncos Offense
blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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sunrisesunrise

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Pretty sure this is how the sequel to RoboQB begins.

sunrisesunrise

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Maybe I can get the Tennessee job. I keep hearing my name attached to it.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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TNF Production Director: “Touch Own Star? Who let Mr. Jones design the graphics for tonight’s game?”
/”YeeEEEEEHAAAWWwww, I AM FUCKIN CRAAAAaaaazzzzzyyyy” echoes down AT&T Stadium’s corridors

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“This is it. My time to prove I’M the QB to lead this team…huh? Oh, shit. Fuckshitfuckityfuckshit!”

Senor Weaselo

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“Today, I am a man.”

Redshirt

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Bengals Rage = sudden rage every Bengals fan feels when they first realize this is their team and this is the best they’re gonna get.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I had the exact same thing happen to me.”

– Dan Orlovsky, attempting to rewrite his own memory

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Aw, come on, ref, I was just showing him my donkey punch technique.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“I’ve never seen uniforms like those before…they look like something out of the fifties…that means…those guys are ghost players…GHOSTS CAN’T INTERCEPT PASSES!”