Your “Beaten Like A Government Mule!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Well, last night’s game turned into the shitfest most of us feared it would become. Stupid me thought that, with both teams having implications from a loss, they’d keep it clean for the good of their season. Expect suspensions to be announced later today or by lunch Wednesday. Smith-Schuster and Iloka each got one-game suspensions, pending appeals.

NFL News:

  • Speaking of suspensions, Gronk’s was upheld.
    • He’ll shockingly be back in time for the Pats game versus the Steelers.
  • Ryan Shazier may not be paralyzed from the waist down.
    • They’re calling it a “spinal concussion”.
      • They anticipate more movement returning once the swelling goes down.
      • There will be a prognosis with 48 hours.
        • They “hope” he can be moved back to Pittsburgh “soon”.
  • Joe Mixon is still in concussion protocol after the head shot he caught last night.
    • Amelia Molitor could not be reached for comment.
  • Vontaze Burfict is still officially being evaluated after the massive hit by JuJu Smith-Schuster.
    • My guess is that he’s compiling a hit-list form their next game.
      • The George Iloka hit on Brown just added to the carnage.
    • Smith-Schuster’s taunting penalty after the hit doesn’t reflect well either, and is wht will likey earn him a weekend freeon
      • Another “not-good” look is Antonio Brown screaming “karma” while hit-disher JuJu Smith-Schuster was being interviewed.
  • After seeing the Eagles play a de facto home game against the Shitty Clippers, Sean McVay is prepping Jared Goff on silent counts in advance of the Eagles game in LA on Sunday.
    • The vast emptiness of the LA Coliseum is being slowly sold out due to the influx of Eagles fans buying available tickets.

Looks like Good Ol’ JR’s going to the Rose Bowl, and drinks are on him.


Since I was digging around Twitter when the stories broke, I thought I’d check in on the reaction to Russia being banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics. Naturally, I went to one of the President’s trusted sources, Russia Today – the FOX News of Europe.

So, the day before all of this, Vlad had him a meeting with Oliver Stone

where I’m sure no rumours were succored, and he thought that may have been the worst thing he had to deal with all week.

Then the ban hit, a tad too late for the evening news but not for Twitter.

So, how did the fine Russian bots of Twitter take this news? Not well.

Okay, that’s a good start. Now, let’s find some more anger.

Uh huh. Is there anyone willing to go over the edge?

Bingo. It should be a fun two months leading to the Olympics. I wonder if Kim the Rocket Man owes Vlad any favours?


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Rangers at Penguins – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Wild at Kings – 10:00PM | NBCSN
    • Ducks at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s basketball
      • Gonzaga vs. Villanova – 7:00PM | ESPN – The “Jimmy V Classic”
      • Texas at VCU – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Vermont at Marquette – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Virginia at West Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Connecticut vs. Syracuse – 9:00PM | ESPN
      • Texas A&M vs. Arizona – 9:00PM | ESPN2
      • Utah at Butler – 9:00PM | FS1
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

You’ll notice I did screenshots of the Russia tweets, because we get enough Russians in the “Pending” subscriber file every morning. STOP TRYING TO RUIN OUR NICE BLOG, ZAMPOLIT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Eating cookies for breakfast doesn’t seem as bad when they are labeled as “fig bars”.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Or “Complete Cookies”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Snitch-ass flying rat.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Ahoy hoy

Wakezilla
Member

Ice Liouns goalie, Jacob Markstrom, got his first career NHL shutout. It took him 129 games to get the shutout, which is 3 games shy of the record. Someone is going to be elbow deep with rink rats at the Roxy tonight. Good for him!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Controlled demolition.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Better than Detroit.

SonOfSpam
Member

Just watched Jake Muzzin blister a shot past the goalie, and I said to my (texting-not-giving-a-shit) daughter, “Damn, I love a good slap shot.”

She said nothing, because dads are stupid.

But then a small voice behind the couch said, “Aw, fuck yeah!”

I had no idea Ray Rice was in my house.

rockingdog
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rockingdog

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Time to go type up some random and hypothetical stories which never really happened I guess.

Fiction.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Anyone else put cocoa butter on their nutsack?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

After shaving, yes.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Straight chocolate. Fondue sack! A treat that also exfoliates!
/funnier if you know WI cities.
//Fond du Lac
///nevermind

litre_cola
Member

I use Moose saliva but whatevs.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I bet Moose enjoys that.
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litre_cola
Member

Leave it to you to degrade something from our heritage up here, smgdh.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam
Member

So glad I just got here.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

So I guess it’s safe to presume that St. Francis, PA is probably not a risk to make the final four, huh?

Senor Weaselo
Member

These untucked shirt commercials are absolutely ridiculous. And dumb. And ridiculously dumb.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK…
/tries to tuck shirt in
//forgets not wearing pants

litre_cola
Member

Tuck it in to your thong!

Wait, what was I talking about?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

The answer, as always, is not to wear pants.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
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Spanky Datass

Ice Cowboys headed for an ugly, ugly loss. FUCK…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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check dem titties!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh did I say earlier that Winnipeg was good? Scratch that.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m sure AZ would be happy to trade and give the old version back.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

That’d be like if the Browns and Lions joined forces to form one still stunningly bad and poorly run franchise. And still no parks.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Hey, me too!!!
Well shit, I guess that means I’m a terrible girl too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

dey prolly don’t wear pants when dey watches teh feetball eitha.

Shogun Marcus
Member

You already knew that. Though I suppose it’s nice to hear it from others.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I love this song, I will admit it.
It has “sentuhmentuhl” value, let’s call it.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Asian drivers are improving…
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Shogun Marcus
Member

If I ever don’t feel like being DD for a night, I demand she be the Lyft driver!

WCS
Member

All those Fast and Furious movies….

JustStopDude
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JustStopDude
theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Ooooh…it’s one o’ them there novel books.
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WCS
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

Random vagrant David Letterman’s alma mater, Ball State, just beat #9 Notre Dame. In South Bend.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello
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LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That could have gone….better.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus
Member

Minneapolis architects were not swayed by early test results.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

…which is pecking a kid in the ass.

Shogun Marcus
Member

If I had a dollar for every time a cock tried to peck my ass…I could probably afford the therapy.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Anal Trump has a new Xmas EP…
01 – “Make America Say Merry Christmas Again”
02 – “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
03 – “Jingle Pence”
04 – “It’s Always A White Christmas For Jeff Sessions”
05 – “The Bible Is My Favorite Book”
06 – “Santa Is Real, But Climate Change Is A Hoax”
07 – “Is Alex Jones Doing Sandy Hook Clause Again This Year”
08 – “Where’s My Parade”
09 – “Tic Tacks And Mistletoe”
10 – “Carol Of The Pence”

The whole thing takes less than a minute. On bandcamp.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Bonus Track – “Christmas in Hollis State Penitentiary”

Senor Weaselo
Member

Donald Trump would never go to Hollis, there’s too many of those people. You know, middle-class. (Please note that Hollis is just south of his birth neighborhood of Jamaica Estates.)

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

So what you’re saying is… he’s a Carribean Muslim who wasn’t even born in the US and who’s trying to take over the country? If only he knew what the capital of Jamaica is he probably would’ve tried to take over that country instead.

WCS
Member

West Virginia > East Virginia

rockingdog
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rockingdog

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo
Member

Clouseau approved.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS
Member

West Virginia vs. East Virginia is entertaining.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Would be better if WVU would just go ahead and put ’em away already.

Shogun Marcus
Member

Afc North is barred from playoffs. This year, and depending on the behavior of first 4 next year (all in-division), that one too. They escape, then it’s week-to-week individually.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Honey!!!! I’m getting no reception for the game, would you check the antenna?
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Senor Weaselo
Member

Boooooooo… Nieves.

Redshirt
Member

Okay, I think three options:

Option A: We take two years off of Steelers-Bengals games so things can cool off. Just have them start 0-0-2 with two extra bye weeks.
Option B: Merge the teams together for two years. I don’t think they would kill their teammates, right.
Option C: Bengals go east on US-22. Steelers goes west on US-22. When they meet somewhere inbetween Lancaster and Zanesville, they have the fight to the death and get it over with. London Knights joins AFC North as Expansion Team to replace the loser.

Senor Weaselo
Member

I’ll take Option D, which is Option C but with an unfortunate napalm accident during the rumble. Option E of course is a bad community theater rendition of West Side Story.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Who cares? They’re both a bunch a pussies.
Fuck Cleveland too.
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WCS
Member

someone jelly

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Nah. Irrelevance suits me fine.

WCS
Member

What’s actually going to happen is both games will be prime-time next season. Ratings in Yinzburgh were up 30% from the MNF against the Packers last week.

The NFL loves this, even if they say they don’t.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Posted the bowl game answers in the comments of that thread if you wanna take a look.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Sooooooo, I’m definitely chewing these, right?

Excessive absorption of benzonatate will occur if the gelcaps are chewed or allowed to dissolve in the mouth. This may lead to an overdose of the drug. Overdose of benzonatate may manifest as central nervous system side effects, such as mental confusion and hallucination, restlessness and tremors,[citation needed] followed in extreme cases by convulsions and death.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

The gelcaps contain benzonatate?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yes, it’s a cough medication I got today because I brought the crud home from Vegas.
But they’re very specific not to chew them ….. or else .

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Did they come with a free frogurt?

Senor Weaselo
Member

The crud? That’s a new one, but let that be a reminder for me to wrap it up!
/You know, after the hell freezing over and all

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yes, the nights were a little chilly. I probably should have taken a jacket, for sure.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Winnipeg is finally good? And they only needed what, seven straight top 5 draft picks?

scotchnaut
Member

“It almost worked for us.”

-Edmonton Oilers

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

“Those were the good ol’ days”
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Phoenix Arizona Coyotes

litre_cola
Member

Listen, they werent all in the top five, only 1.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

“Another “not-good” look is Antonio Brown screaming “karma” while hit-disher JuJu Smith-Schuster was being interviewed”

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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Redshirt
Member

I hate everything. I hate you. I hate myself. And I hope President Trump nukes us all in his impulse inferiority-superiority complex he has because his father said he never loved him and was proud of him.

But other than that, it was a nice game yesterday.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

At least there probably won’t be a 3rd game this year…

Last night was bad.

Redshirt
Member

Agreed. Normally I’d be thrilled to see the Bengals run off four games, get to 9-7 and sneak in but if they end up at Pittsburgh, it will not be good

Sad thing is JuJu did it after watching his teammate be carted off with a possible broken neck. And Burfict was actually playing nicely (sort of). And Antonio screaming “Karma!” didn’t help much. If there’s a Game 3, it will be worse.

And the coaches won’t be any help. Tomlin thinks this is “AFC North Football” and Lewis lost control of his players somewhere around 2007.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Yeah, it’s out of control. We were really close to someone, on either team, getting crippled last night. That’s not the point of this whole thing.

And you’re right about the coaches….

litre_cola
Member

I would like to see another game. I truly would.

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