Your “Beaten Like A Government Mule!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rACo1SclpdM

Well, last night’s game turned into the shitfest most of us feared it would become. Stupid me thought that, with both teams having implications from a loss, they’d keep it clean for the good of their season. Expect suspensions to be announced later today or by lunch Wednesday. Smith-Schuster and Iloka each got one-game suspensions, pending appeals.

NFL News:

  • Speaking of suspensions, Gronk’s was upheld.
    • He’ll shockingly be back in time for the Pats game versus the Steelers.
  • Ryan Shazier may not be paralyzed from the waist down.
    • They’re calling it a “spinal concussion”.
      • They anticipate more movement returning once the swelling goes down.
      • There will be a prognosis with 48 hours.
        • They “hope” he can be moved back to Pittsburgh “soon”.
  • Joe Mixon is still in concussion protocol after the head shot he caught last night.
    • Amelia Molitor could not be reached for comment.
  • Vontaze Burfict is still officially being evaluated after the massive hit by JuJu Smith-Schuster.
    • My guess is that he’s compiling a hit-list form their next game.
      • The George Iloka hit on Brown just added to the carnage.
    • Smith-Schuster’s taunting penalty after the hit doesn’t reflect well either, and is wht will likey earn him a weekend freeon
      • Another “not-good” look is Antonio Brown screaming “karma” while hit-disher JuJu Smith-Schuster was being interviewed.
  • After seeing the Eagles play a de facto home game against the Shitty Clippers, Sean McVay is prepping Jared Goff on silent counts in advance of the Eagles game in LA on Sunday.
    • The vast emptiness of the LA Coliseum is being slowly sold out due to the influx of Eagles fans buying available tickets.

Looks like Good Ol’ JR’s going to the Rose Bowl, and drinks are on him.

https://twitter.com/WEarlBrown/status/937556167546437632


Since I was digging around Twitter when the stories broke, I thought I’d check in on the reaction to Russia being banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics. Naturally, I went to one of the President’s trusted sources, Russia Today – the FOX News of Europe.

So, the day before all of this, Vlad had him a meeting with Oliver Stone

where I’m sure no rumours were succored, and he thought that may have been the worst thing he had to deal with all week.

Then the ban hit, a tad too late for the evening news but not for Twitter.

So, how did the fine Russian bots of Twitter take this news? Not well.

Okay, that’s a good start. Now, let’s find some more anger.

Uh huh. Is there anyone willing to go over the edge?

Bingo. It should be a fun two months leading to the Olympics. I wonder if Kim the Rocket Man owes Vlad any favours?


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Rangers at Penguins – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
    • Wild at Kings – 10:00PM | NBCSN
    • Ducks at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
  • NCAA:
    • Men’s basketball
      • Gonzaga vs. Villanova – 7:00PM | ESPN – The “Jimmy V Classic”
      • Texas at VCU – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Vermont at Marquette – 7:00PM | FS1
      • Virginia at West Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Connecticut vs. Syracuse – 9:00PM | ESPN
      • Texas A&M vs. Arizona – 9:00PM | ESPN2
      • Utah at Butler – 9:00PM | FS1
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

You’ll notice I did screenshots of the Russia tweets, because we get enough Russians in the “Pending” subscriber file every morning. STOP TRYING TO RUIN OUR NICE BLOG, ZAMPOLIT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eating cookies for breakfast doesn’t seem as bad when they are labeled as “fig bars”.

ballsofsteelandfury

Or “Complete Cookies”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Snitch-ass flying rat.

Unsurprised

Ahoy hoy

Wakezilla

Ice Liouns goalie, Jacob Markstrom, got his first career NHL shutout. It took him 129 games to get the shutout, which is 3 games shy of the record. Someone is going to be elbow deep with rink rats at the Roxy tonight. Good for him!

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Controlled demolition.

ballsofsteelandfury

Better than Detroit.

SonOfSpam

Just watched Jake Muzzin blister a shot past the goalie, and I said to my (texting-not-giving-a-shit) daughter, “Damn, I love a good slap shot.”

She said nothing, because dads are stupid.

But then a small voice behind the couch said, “Aw, fuck yeah!”

I had no idea Ray Rice was in my house.

rockingdog

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go type up some random and hypothetical stories which never really happened I guess.

Fiction.

ballsofsteelandfury

Anyone else put cocoa butter on their nutsack?

theeWeeBabySeamus

After shaving, yes.

Shogun Marcus

Straight chocolate. Fondue sack! A treat that also exfoliates!
/funnier if you know WI cities.
//Fond du Lac
///nevermind

litre_cola

I use Moose saliva but whatevs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I bet Moose enjoys that.
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litre_cola

Leave it to you to degrade something from our heritage up here, smgdh.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

So glad I just got here.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So I guess it’s safe to presume that St. Francis, PA is probably not a risk to make the final four, huh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I had it on in the background. Duke hit the century mark with about 7 minutes to go.
Ugly.

Senor Weaselo

These untucked shirt commercials are absolutely ridiculous. And dumb. And ridiculously dumb.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK…
/tries to tuck shirt in
//forgets not wearing pants

litre_cola

Tuck it in to your thong!

Wait, what was I talking about?

ballsofsteelandfury

The answer, as always, is not to wear pants.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

Ice Cowboys headed for an ugly, ugly loss. FUCK…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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check dem titties!

herodotus450

Oh did I say earlier that Winnipeg was good? Scratch that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m sure AZ would be happy to trade and give the old version back.

herodotus450

That’d be like if the Browns and Lions joined forces to form one still stunningly bad and poorly run franchise. And still no parks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, me too!!!
Well shit, I guess that means I’m a terrible girl too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

dey prolly don’t wear pants when dey watches teh feetball eitha.

Shogun Marcus

You already knew that. Though I suppose it’s nice to hear it from others.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I love this song, I will admit it.
It has “sentuhmentuhl” value, let’s call it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Asian drivers are improving…
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Shogun Marcus

If I ever don’t feel like being DD for a night, I demand she be the Lyft driver!

WCS

All those Fast and Furious movies….

JustStopDude
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ooooh…it’s one o’ them there novel books.
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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Random vagrant David Letterman’s alma mater, Ball State, just beat #9 Notre Dame. In South Bend.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That could have gone….better.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Minneapolis architects were not swayed by early test results.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus

…which is pecking a kid in the ass.

Shogun Marcus

If I had a dollar for every time a cock tried to peck my ass…I could probably afford the therapy.

Shogun Marcus

Anal Trump has a new Xmas EP…
01 – “Make America Say Merry Christmas Again”
02 – “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
03 – “Jingle Pence”
04 – “It’s Always A White Christmas For Jeff Sessions”
05 – “The Bible Is My Favorite Book”
06 – “Santa Is Real, But Climate Change Is A Hoax”
07 – “Is Alex Jones Doing Sandy Hook Clause Again This Year”
08 – “Where’s My Parade”
09 – “Tic Tacks And Mistletoe”
10 – “Carol Of The Pence”

The whole thing takes less than a minute. On bandcamp.

herodotus450

Bonus Track – “Christmas in Hollis State Penitentiary”

Senor Weaselo

Donald Trump would never go to Hollis, there’s too many of those people. You know, middle-class. (Please note that Hollis is just south of his birth neighborhood of Jamaica Estates.)

herodotus450

So what you’re saying is… he’s a Carribean Muslim who wasn’t even born in the US and who’s trying to take over the country? If only he knew what the capital of Jamaica is he probably would’ve tried to take over that country instead.

WCS

West Virginia > East Virginia

rockingdog

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

Clouseau approved.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

West Virginia vs. East Virginia is entertaining.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Would be better if WVU would just go ahead and put ’em away already.

Shogun Marcus

Afc North is barred from playoffs. This year, and depending on the behavior of first 4 next year (all in-division), that one too. They escape, then it’s week-to-week individually.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honey!!!! I’m getting no reception for the game, would you check the antenna?
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Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

Okay, I think three options:

Option A: We take two years off of Steelers-Bengals games so things can cool off. Just have them start 0-0-2 with two extra bye weeks.
Option B: Merge the teams together for two years. I don’t think they would kill their teammates, right.
Option C: Bengals go east on US-22. Steelers goes west on US-22. When they meet somewhere inbetween Lancaster and Zanesville, they have the fight to the death and get it over with. London Knights joins AFC North as Expansion Team to replace the loser.

Senor Weaselo

I’ll take Option D, which is Option C but with an unfortunate napalm accident during the rumble. Option E of course is a bad community theater rendition of West Side Story.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who cares? They’re both a bunch a pussies.
Fuck Cleveland too.
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WCS

someone jelly

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah. Irrelevance suits me fine.

WCS

What’s actually going to happen is both games will be prime-time next season. Ratings in Yinzburgh were up 30% from the MNF against the Packers last week.

The NFL loves this, even if they say they don’t.

Senor Weaselo

Posted the bowl game answers in the comments of that thread if you wanna take a look.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sooooooo, I’m definitely chewing these, right?

Excessive absorption of benzonatate will occur if the gelcaps are chewed or allowed to dissolve in the mouth. This may lead to an overdose of the drug. Overdose of benzonatate may manifest as central nervous system side effects, such as mental confusion and hallucination, restlessness and tremors,[citation needed] followed in extreme cases by convulsions and death.

herodotus450

The gelcaps contain benzonatate?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, it’s a cough medication I got today because I brought the crud home from Vegas.
But they’re very specific not to chew them ….. or else .

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herodotus450

Did they come with a free frogurt?

Senor Weaselo

The crud? That’s a new one, but let that be a reminder for me to wrap it up!
/You know, after the hell freezing over and all

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, the nights were a little chilly. I probably should have taken a jacket, for sure.

herodotus450

Winnipeg is finally good? And they only needed what, seven straight top 5 draft picks?

scotchnaut

“It almost worked for us.”

-Edmonton Oilers

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Those were the good ol’ days”
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Phoenix Arizona Coyotes

litre_cola

Listen, they werent all in the top five, only 1.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Another “not-good” look is Antonio Brown screaming “karma” while hit-disher JuJu Smith-Schuster was being interviewed”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Redshirt

I hate everything. I hate you. I hate myself. And I hope President Trump nukes us all in his impulse inferiority-superiority complex he has because his father said he never loved him and was proud of him.

But other than that, it was a nice game yesterday.

ballsofsteelandfury

At least there probably won’t be a 3rd game this year…

Last night was bad.

Redshirt

Agreed. Normally I’d be thrilled to see the Bengals run off four games, get to 9-7 and sneak in but if they end up at Pittsburgh, it will not be good

Sad thing is JuJu did it after watching his teammate be carted off with a possible broken neck. And Burfict was actually playing nicely (sort of). And Antonio screaming “Karma!” didn’t help much. If there’s a Game 3, it will be worse.

And the coaches won’t be any help. Tomlin thinks this is “AFC North Football” and Lewis lost control of his players somewhere around 2007.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, it’s out of control. We were really close to someone, on either team, getting crippled last night. That’s not the point of this whole thing.

And you’re right about the coaches….

litre_cola

I would like to see another game. I truly would.