I’ll acknowledge you west-coasters in the lede just this one time and then never again. There’s so much football, basketball and hockey coming out the ying yang, it’s an embarrassment of riches. And I must say that all commenters acquitted themselves quite well all day/night long yesterday. Now it’s time to do it all over again… TO THE GAMES!
Miami/Buffalo:
The non-existent money I have riding on this tilt says that Catler will revert back to one of his earlier, ineffectual lives after a truly wtf? performance last week vs. the Pats. I’ll go further-whoever gets the start between the likes of Taylor, Webb and Peterman will out-shine The Catman.
Baltimore/Cleveland:
The Browns march to the opposite of perfection continues unabated… The Ravens at 7-6 seem to be barely in the playoff race-a-roo but after this week they’ll be murderizing the Colts and Bengals so all is good on the post-season front for them.
Cincinnati/Minnesota:
The Vikes are looking to get back on track after losing to Carolina and that’s why they’re embracing a home date vs. the Bengals so closely to their bosom. Why? The awesome Minny run D faces down a Cincy rushing attack that averages less than 80 ypg. Gulp. So that puts the game in the shaky hands of Mr. Dalton and voila-there’s your Bengals loss exactly as it was drawn up on the Etch-a-Sketch.
New York Jets/New Orleans:
Qb McCown broked his dadgum hand last week. Was it the same dude that stepped on Fatty Stafford’s paw a few weeks ago? Is there a secret “QB Hand-Ruining Cabal” forming in the NFL? The evidence is thin at the moment but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about it day and night. Anyhoo, the Nathan Peterman of the Jets-Bryce Petty-will be playing the part of the sacrificial lamb today.
Philadelphia/New York Giants:
Eagles fans aren’t buying Carson Wentz’s malarkey about his injury being a part of God’s plan. No, they’ve adopted the “Fucking, Suckbagging Shit! Why Does This Happen To Us Every Time?” narrative. Why is it that drooling, alcoholic, racist dickbags can never have nice things? (“hey, I’m painting with broad strokes here-easy now, fellas”) Foles gets the start.
Arizona/Washington:
To be watched for fantasy purposes only. How you managed to get this far with anyone from these two squads on your team is a mystery for the ages. (Says the guy that cacked out last week)
Green Bay/Carolina:
Today’s hagiography is brought to you by the letters “A” and “R” and by the number “1”(man team). Props go out to Brett Hundley who did his best to staunch the bleeding by going a semi-respectable 3-5 while the league’s most valuable clavicle healed itself. As for this game, Andy Reid would say, “There’s a lot of steak here.”
Houston/Jax:
If the Jags win they be in. T.J. Yates has state, “Not if I have anything to say about it!”. So there you have it-the Jags are in.
Fire up your nipples folks, there’s work to do down below.
That looks fun.
I mean, there’s no way Eli actually cares anymore, right? He’s got his rings and his money, he probably just thinks “fudge it” every throw, right?
what a shitty throw
Eli loves sailing-boats and throws.
Fucking finally
Huh. There’s no way to score exactly five points in a play…..lame
Why the fuck did they run on 3rd?
so they can run that slant on 4th
Cause they going on 4th.
Is this the game the Giants need to turn their season around, make the playoffs, and upset the pats in the super bowl again?
u know it
My count’s unofficial, but I’ve seen the Eagles drop 43 interceptions this game
Yep, that oughta do it.
Oh well.
Nice run Ingram. You fucker.
DON’T SCORE TOO FAST, DUM-DUMS
That oughta do it now.
HAWT TAKE : MACADOO WAS FIRED FOR HIS STUPID MUSTACHE NAWT HIS ELI BENCHING
WHAT IS A CATCH??
“What ‘ISN’T’ a catch?’
-first year Philosophy major
Bill Parcells really hates that slant route.
stupid not-Davante
Meh, looks like nothing but a button masher
This Eagles/Giants game is win/win for me. I will laugh no matter who wins.
Is it just me or is fighting WAY up this season?
It is.
BWA BWA
https://mobile.twitter.com/xmasape/status/942501727072288768/photo/1
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
https://i.giphy.com/media/Mn8aGoNewJl2o/giphy.webp
Thanks, Panty Head!
I mean….the animals that the city of Buffalo is named after make better cheese than the animals that the Miami team is named after
Buffalos rape fewer people, too.
TRUTH
PACKERS ALIVE!!
Sonuva…
just when you thinks you’re OUT…
Do you think Cutler laughs every time he cashes a game check?
Doesn’t the NFL do direct deposit?
I really don’t think so.
It sucks being a Browns fan…
typical Bills
That reminds me. I still need to pay my phone bill.
And this silly silly game is done. (‘Dacteds)
Pittsburgh is 11-2?
seems wrong, but the maths checks out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X09oxyIeGuY
With a loss to the Bears (!) of all teams.
helmet removal save??
The realism as amazing
Has anyone ever seen all three challenges used successfully in a game? I can’t think of an instance.
Triplette had to have been involved in one.
No, but I did find this cromulent looking table of numbers.
http://www.footballzebras.com/2016/12/17/success-rate-of-coachs-challenges-up-slightly/
Fucking Browns punted on 4th down. Down by three fucking scores and Hue just gives the fuck up.
I really want to fucking know how this guy is allowed to coach like his fucking job isn’t on the goddamn line.
It clearly isn’t.
It’s been confirmed already that he’s back next year. So…why would he?
I am being unclear in my seething rage…WHY IS HE CONFIRMED TO BE BACK NEXT FUCKING SEASON?!?!
Now THAT is a whole nother question!
the shit-ass, irrelevant ‘Dacteds/Birdcano match is all we gots, dramatics-wise
Yup. I don’t even care, and I think I’m supposed to.
For Balls-a vastly under-rated tune by The Payolas about a worker by the name of Rose-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GvznANMRSQ
It’s like the Giants can’t do anything right whatsoever.
like?
Right?
Damn the Cleveland Stadium is emptying out…like we are almost into Chargers territory…
ZACK MF ERTZ
Hey baby, want me to hold your big tight ends?
Now I have to clean beer off of my monitor.
Thanks man.
LMFAO
Steve Hauschka taking the piss
I see he’s gearing up for his Alabama Senate run.
He learnt that in Rawlee.
We be classy n shit.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
This is for Dok:
Rosé
I’m sorry, but every time you type that I think of a woman named Rose.
I know, but I’m too damn lazy to use any sort of diacritical
The double entendre…
“My slippers are soaked with Rose”
You into some weird shit dude
😛
You been drawing French whores again, or what?
Eagles have now blocked a FG, a PAT, and a punt.
“Rodgers Swallowed” (up)
oh, Gigantes…
FUCK YES SPECIAL TEAMS
Anybody seen my dog?
“I lika where you’re going with dis.”
-A Stereotypical Italian Guy
Elisha in the RPO? NOT GREAT, BOB!!
…and the Bengals avoid a shutout.
Kizer throws into quadruple coverage…
Burfict tried to give a “Win one for the gipper” speech to fire up the Bengals today, but stopped halfway through. “The gipper? Who’s that? Where am I?”
/Because he’s a concussed criminal type, you see.
Hehe. Rodgers is “unloading”
Hacked Sex Tape?