2017 Quotables – Week 15 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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I’m still sore about being tossed off results last week, even though Balls did a fine job.

“Fine people on both sides, right DTZM?!”

This week though — man. I don’t have much to offer anyone. Selection was weak but, hey, if anyone is going to make lemonade out of lemons, it’s all of you all.

All of you all, fine people.

Sorry for the distraught appearance of Week 15 Quotables. I’m just a little bummed that Arizona became mathematically eliminated from the playoffs on Sunday. They last scored a touchdown on December 3rd and are still talking about, “not doing anything foolish with our draft position” — as a reference to both losing out (which they need to do) or trading up to get a franchise quarterback (which they also need to do). If you’re taking NFL futures, let me give you two pointers. First, the Cardinals will suck. Second, the response to “But is Blake Bortles elite?” will soon be “Well, he won a Super Bowl.”

God I wish the Bears had carried Rex Grossman to a Super Bowl.

But enough about Sexy Rexy, on to your Week 15 submissions.


Tampa Bay is absolute garbage but I don’t even feel like Freeman tried much there.

I just wanted the opportunity to praise the Lions for their uniforms that honor the color of local tap water.

Baba Booey! Baba Booey!

I set this gif to such low quality so it matches Davante Adams’ recollection of the game.

Tampa Bay’s field is trash but why don’t refs wear cleats?

If I were really good at gif editing, I’d have stuck a Trump head on Gronk and a Hillary head on Davis. Add a [DFO] watermark and we could be recorded in the Presidential Archives.

“Clearly the correct ruling is that the kicking team did recover.” -Mike Carey

Don’t look for AB to be dancing the Charleston any time soon.

Bonus Bortles: Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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2017 Quotables – Week 15 Results – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] and I should say that LemonJello got screwed by the primacy effect.  His Lions joke was amazing and should have had a twofer this week, but I couldn’t shake the first one in the […]

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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[Tries to fade slowly into the bushes] – Darren Fells

Enrico Pallazzo

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“Look at my wily white hat slide. We are seeking a 200 million dollar contract.”–Scott Boras

Enrico Pallazzo

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“I wonder what Trent Green is doing righ–banana”–Davante Adams

Enrico Pallazzo

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HOW WAS THAT NOT CHRIS CONTE!!!

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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Use of a non-standard object on the course; add a stroke

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Nooeehhhhhhh”
/DROOL FLIES OPEN
— Gary Kubiak

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

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this was so close to a butt fumble kind of thing

Petronel
Petronel

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Antonio’s ultimate TD celebration: his dance is so damn fly, he hurts himself.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Last time I saw a Patriot player dancing over a fallen foe like that, it was after Hernandez double tapped that guy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shots fired!

Redshirt

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♫ La! La-la-la-la-Lions! La-la-la-la-Lions! La-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la. ♫

Redshirt

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Damn it! I knew I should have spent those Experience Points on Stamina and not Speed.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Petronel
Petronel

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Blake Bortles attributes his recent success to following the TB12 plan.

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In every way. Religiously.

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Perhaps a little too religiously.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Thank goodness Martha Clay Ford isn’t alive to see this

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Crazy Horse IV across the Ambassador Bridge in Windsor is really shooting for the moon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Come on, leave mocking Mike Tomlin’s character in Major League II for the practice field

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As long as we’re on visual humor, this thread became a walk down the Far Side of memory lane for me:

https://twitter.com/kenlowery/status/942838027906371586

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m marking my afternoon as Busy. Hold all my calls.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Come on down and join Mr. Brown’s Sexy Yoga class at 8:00 pm every Tuesday.

nomonkeyfun

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And the award for best Jameis Winston impression goes to…Ted Hussey?

*Ben Roethlisberger and Darren Sharper are ineligible to allow for competition.

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Redshirt

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Vontaze Burfict is screaming “Karma!” over and over again, but neurologists aren’t sure if its intentional or not. JuJu really scrambled his brains on that hit.

nomonkeyfun

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“Look how these thugs take joy in assaulting the good, decent, god-fearing, hardworking EYE-Talian people of this country.”

-D. Trump

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Soon thereafter the NFL began investigating Ted “Flask” Olibanger for an Intoxication While at the Work Place policy violation. Written letter only please; address to Ted Olibanger, Shady Quiet Meadows Rehabilitation Center.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It sounded funnier in my head. Oh well.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

–Me 97% of the time

King Hippo

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And the Albert Haynesworth Memorial Defensing Hustle Award goes to…

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“Apathy, Thy name is Buccaneer’s football.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait! You got tossed off? For free?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is sorely under-appreciated.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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And with this injury, Boss Todd’s plans for sweet new mag wheels and a rad flame paint job for his camaro were put on hold.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“What in the wild world of sports is going on here? I drafted you boys to play football, not jump around like a bunch of Kansas City f*gg*ts!”

-Martha Firestone Ford

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Why does Martha Ford sound like Slim Pickins?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I bet she does, too.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Here we see a fine job by an NFL official demonstrating both the “Head’s Up” program and proper QB sliding techniques for the television audience.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Jaguras…good? Bortles…competent? WE’RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE! WAKE UP SHEEPLE! IT’S THE DEEP STATE RUINING THIS GREAT GAME!

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“This time, Gronk remembers NOT to hit the guy on the ground in the back. He really is just a big ol’meathead, folks.”

nomonkeyfun

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“This pansy ass dancing is why people are not watching the NFL anymore.”

-Michael Flatley

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“What’s this? A Christmas card addressed to me from Jerry Jones? Why, how thoughtful. Oh, and it’s soooooo heavy. I wonder what could be in there?”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“And the Tom Brady best flopping award goes to – parabola mic guy!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Hello, darkness my old friend.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Would have been a lot more impressive if he’d measured from the taint

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Even professional Lesser Footy players think this flop was over exaggerated.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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THIS IS THE FUTURE CUCKSERVATIVES WANT

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

For the Lion’s one, your caption will be hard to beat.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Weird time for a Nancy Kerrigan impression

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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What is best in Gronk’s life: To crush your brewskies. See your coverage driven down before you. And to hear the lamentations of their women as they realize they are not Gronk’s women.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Just a little slice of perfection, right here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Huh, I guess fat, drunk, and stupid IS a way to go through life after all

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Can’t wait to see the costume about Seattle’s season going off the rails

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

WINNER WINNER, git BFC some chicken dinner!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

JESUS!

LemonJello
LemonJello

It took me a second and then it clicked and I was:
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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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I’ve heard of bowing down to a superior opponent, but never during an actual play.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Upon further review, the official did not complete an officiating move after the flag was tossed, therefore no foul occurred.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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Just let me check my memo listing the teams in order of favoritism, to see if it’s a first down or not.