An Intro to DFO University

Good morning students!

Flattery will get you a lot of places,  Ms. Spears,  but you’ll need a lot more than THAT to get your degree!

Ok,  see me after class.

As for the rest of you,  look at the person to your left.   Now look at the person to your right.  Now pinch their nipples. A certain number of you will drop out before earning your degree.

It is my job to make sure that number is as close to zero as possible.

Your study program consists of 5 study areas:

GAMBLING

SEX

MONEY

DRINKING

DRUGS

Within those study areas,  you must pass a lower level course as well as at least 2 (Two) 100-level courses.

To refresh your memory,  here is a description of what those entail:

Lower division courses (numbered 1-99) are often surveys offering preliminary introductions to the subject field.  They are designed primarily for freshmen and sophomores,  though upper division students may enroll for unit and grade credit.

Upper division courses (numbered 100-199) are open to all students who have met the requisites indicated in departmental requirements or the course description.

The full schedule of classes has not been released yet,  but the courses being offered will be as follows:

GAMBLING

Gambling 4 – Gambling Concepts and Theory

Gambling 101 – Sports Betting

Gambling 102 – Poker

Gambling 103 – Craps

Gambling 105 – Blackjack

Gambling 110 – Roulette

Gambling 115 – The Lottery and Keno

Gambling 122 – Horse Racing

SEX

Sex 2 – Sex in the 21st Century

Sex 101 – Basic Coitus Positions

Sex 103 – Threesomes

Sex 169 – 69 and Oral Pleasure

Sex 184 – Anal

Sex 187 – Orgies

Sex 199 – Happy Endings

MONEY

Money 5 – Basic Budgeting

Money 102 – Saving

Money 103 – Investing

Money 104 – Retirement Planning

DRINKING

Drinking 7 – Intro to Alcohol

Drinking 101 – Beer

Drinking 102 – Wine

Drinking 103 – Liquor

Drinking 104 – Cocktails

Drinking 110 – Bartending

DRUGS

Drugs 3 – Classifications and Effects

Drugs 101 – Weed

Drugs 111 – Opiates

Drugs 134 – Meth

Drugs 165 – Cocaine

Drugs 174 – Extacy

Class offerings are subject to change depending on the availability of the instructors.

For each class,  there will be a Final Exam which will count for 100% of your grade.

Any questions?

Ms. Spears,  In my office.  NOW!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda sad to see one of my personal favorites, hallucinogens, being ignored there in the DRUGS course list.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fear not. It has been added to the curriculum.

Unsurprised

Ah, the battle of the teen pop sexpots. https://gfycat.com/ZigzagGiddyCoqui

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theeWeeBabySeamus

A little moar of this couldn’t hurt…
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whooops, too much…
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Senor Weaselo

Wait, those are the words? Wait, what did I think the words were? Eh, I don’t know.

rockingdog

Sounds fun!

Sharkbait

Is daydrinking worth extra credit?

nomonkeyfun

I would assume it is mandatory.

WCS

Sex:
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Viva La Tabula Raza
Brick Meathook

GAMBLING 303:
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LemonJello

Is this taught under drugs, sex or gambling?
http://i43.tinypic.com/2qsmeq8.gif

Don T

Dear DFOU Provost:

Please convalidate the following independent studies toward Drinking credits:

-Drunk Tweeting—Is There Any Other Kind? (2 credits)

-Unlocking Your Utmost Potential Through Drinking Alone (4 credits)

-Introduction to Hangovers, The Purple Hearts For Socializing (1 credit)

-Hiding Your Cellphone Successfully (for the 3 credits in Advanced Alcoholism)

Transcripts and syllabi / court records to follow. Thanks.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Feels like liquor should be broken out into more subcategories. And scotchy and I could co teach one of those…

LemonJello

Two questions:

1) Are credits from Trump University transferable?
b) Will Canadian Tire money be accepted for tuition?

I’ll hang up and listen to your responses.

yeah right

Why do I get the feeling I’ll be asked to substitute teach a few of these?

Also no drug program is complete without including hallucinogens. Ecstasy is a different class.

nomonkeyfun

Are these theory courses or is there a practicum?

Especially in the sex section.

Asking for a friend, he looks like a stoat.

SonOfSpam

Lab courses? What if we’d rather fuck a spaniel?

Game Time Decision

do we get credit for life experience?
/ trying to graduate early

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Actually, I wrote my thesis on life experience…”

Unsurprised

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