Request Line: Winter Wonderland

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER, portraying a false sense of cheerfulness, flips switches and adjusts levels in preparation for the afternoon’s show.  DJ 3000 is still in sulk mode.

PRODUCER: So, you’re still upset about last week?

DJ 3000:

PRODUCER: Come on, don’t be like that.  Fumblesnapskin was a big get for us!  I just thought you’d be happy that the guest wasn’t a human for once.  I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.

DJ 3000:

PRODUCER: I promise, we’ll get you on the air next time, buddy.

DJ 3000: ERROR 201.  FRIENDSHIP FILE NOT FOUND

PRODUCER: [notices a blinking light on the console] Oh, that must be today’s guest!

— [telephone connection flies open] —

JIM IRSAY: Hey there.

PRODUCER: Good afternoon, Mr. Irsay.

IRSAY: Ha ha ha, such a kidder.  I know who Jim Irsay is, but that’s not me.  You and me, we go back years, right?  So of course you know that my name is Tom.  Tom Robinson.  Got that?

PRODUCER: Um, uh, okay.

IRSAY: So anyhow, I really appreciate you doing this bit of home delivery for me.  My driver’s license is suspended and Uber won’t pick me up anymore after that bit of…unpleasantness, so I’m kind of trapped.

PRODUCER: That’s no problem, we’re happy you could join us. How have you been?

IRSAY: Oh I’ve been all right.  Been watching a lot of the Winter Olympics.  Some of the skiing, some of the skating. Puts ideas in my head, you know what I mean?

PRODUCER: Oh, good.  So that means you’ve had a chance to think of a topic for today?

IRSAY: I sure have – today’s “topic” is snow and ice.  I’m looking to recreate my own little P.F. Chang Olympics here, you catch my drift?

PRODUCER: I sure do.  You’re looking for songs about winter, cold temperatures, that sort of thing.

IRSAY: What?  No, no, you’ve got it all wrong.  What I’m saying is I’m trying to arrange for a delivery of “snow” and “ice” for my “family” to “play with”.  High-quality stuff.  Nothing that’s been stepped on.  One pound of each should do it.

PRODUCER: I’m confused.  You’re saying the topic is delivery?

IRSAY: The topic is the delivery of snow and ice, yes.

PRODUCER: You mean, like, winter storms?  We’ve already done storms.

IRSAY: [losing patience] No, what I’m talking about if YOU COMING TO MY HOUSE WITH MY FUCKING, um…ICE CRYSTALS. ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING GAMES ALREADY, HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?

PRODUCER: I’m not entirely sure we’re on the same page here.  This is KDFO – we’re a radio show taking requests from listeners for songs about a certain topic.  We’re on the air right now.

IRSAY: Wait, what?  This is being broadcast over the radio?  I don’t know you.  Crank caller! Crank caller!

PRODUCER: But you called us

IRSAY: I’m hanging up now.  But…before I go, can you give “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner a spin? Fuckin’ shit rocks, man.

You heard the man.  Today’s topic is things that are cold.  Ice, snow, Aaron Hernandez’s corpse, etc.  Post your youtube links in the comments (no embed codes or anything needed, just the links) Have at it! 

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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SonOfSpam

Haven’t listened to Husker Du in a bit. Let’s change that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpLXhssTD8o

Cuntler

Styrofoam Boots/It’s All Nice on Ice, Alright – Modest Mouse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li30NxCsJ7w

Cuntler

I recommend listening to this one really, really loudly.

Trapped under Ice – Metallica

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=455-CIgc7co

Cuntler

LOUD DOUBLE SHOT

Stone Cold Crazy – Metallica

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3IrqmsC2rY

Spanky Datass

Put this one in the chamber during lunch but forgot to fire it off ’til now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmt2mgmrSUw

SonOfSpam

Yeah, a lot to unpack. Seems like this might be to keep the pardons at bay (unindicted co-conspirators like Trump can’t pardon someone in the same crime or something). Either way, not gonna get much work done for a bit (like every Friday).

SonOfSpam
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bartender, make it a DOUBLE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2VMvjtQ1io

nomonkeyfun
nomonkeyfun

Fine, I guess we can’t do songs about snow either, can we.

Oh, Mr. Robinson, you say that it’s kosher, great.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVOuRQPPdoo

nomonkeyfun

Because the Beatles aren’t on youtube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUEn5ZRfmb4

SonOfSpam

Natalie Merchant would like to dance for us:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te7bbWBXusk

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Alaska’s cold, right? DOUBLE SHOT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4FDy10LXTA

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sure, the Bob Dylan original is great, but I like this cover more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxupwLdpAI0

Spanky Datass
BrettFavresColonoscopy

And fuck it, cold in the heart counts for a Jim Croce DOUBLE SHOT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l011c9rWT4I

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And I am unashamed of my affinity for Jim Croce despite the resonance of Snoop Dogg’s comments (as Huggy Bear) in the Starsky and Hutch reboot

yeah right
Spanky Datass

Van Morrison : Cold Wind In August
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K43337TvkdU

yeah right
yeah right
Cuntler

One more, and it’s everyone’s favorite:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Welcome back! If you’re looking to piss people off, crank it up to 11:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVHJ6OwTYWc

Spanky Datass

Bruce Springsteen : Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOkQsVJV8ts

Cuntler

Baby, It’s Cold Outside (The Rape Song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bbuBubZ1yE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Here’s the un-rapey version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amK4U4pCTB8

Cuntler

In the Pines – Nirvana cover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdjGsdnUyq4

Cuntler
Cuntler

Cold Rain and Snow – Grateful Dead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7qkbF8PbtE

Cuntler

Hey, my log-in still works. Cool (pun intended)!

White Stripes – In the Cold, Cold Night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evkz3hgHQyM

nomonkeyfun

Why yes, I think I’ll have a double of Irish whiskey,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K43337TvkdU

nomonkeyfun

It is true you are a drunken Irishman, I’ll join you for the Triple shot, plus a dig at England.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMLaHEwEX7Y

SonOfSpam

Jethro Tull Double Shot! (Tullble Shot?)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOf65WuuHLk

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s make it a TRIPLE SHOT:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbMi5WQcuDY

ArmedandHammered

Tull-a-more Deux!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
ArmedandHammered

Dammnit, I was heading to youtube to get the link to post for this, you beat me to it.

SonOfSpam

I think the message of this song is that she’s cold.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo34VhfcetU

yeah right
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Not so fun fact: This was the first song that my iPod shuffled to after I learned that my team was leaving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG1U2KRn0RU

SonOfSpam

Not sure how you associate Clutch with the Chargers, but hey, you do you.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

LemonJello
Cuntler
SonOfSpam
BrettFavresColonoscopy

And now for a song I actually like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAPo0EMfdLw

nomonkeyfun

I don’t know if this is cool, for this request line, but…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StlMdNcvCJo

BrettFavresColonoscopy

h/t Dave Chappelle and Charlie Murphy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnjbMtHH1H8

SonOfSpam

These guys are great live:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n95eekfFZZg

SonOfSpam

Irsay totally calls it the PF Chang Olympics.

So did he ever get his, uh, snow?