INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER, portraying a false sense of cheerfulness, flips switches and adjusts levels in preparation for the afternoon’s show. DJ 3000 is still in sulk mode.
PRODUCER: So, you’re still upset about last week?
DJ 3000: …
PRODUCER: Come on, don’t be like that. Fumblesnapskin was a big get for us! I just thought you’d be happy that the guest wasn’t a human for once. I didn’t mean to get your hopes up.
DJ 3000: …
PRODUCER: I promise, we’ll get you on the air next time, buddy.
DJ 3000: ERROR 201. FRIENDSHIP FILE NOT FOUND
PRODUCER: [notices a blinking light on the console] Oh, that must be today’s guest!
— [telephone connection flies open] —
JIM IRSAY: Hey there.
PRODUCER: Good afternoon, Mr. Irsay.
IRSAY: Ha ha ha, such a kidder. I know who Jim Irsay is, but that’s not me. You and me, we go back years, right? So of course you know that my name is Tom. Tom Robinson. Got that?
PRODUCER: Um, uh, okay.
IRSAY: So anyhow, I really appreciate you doing this bit of home delivery for me. My driver’s license is suspended and Uber won’t pick me up anymore after that bit of…unpleasantness, so I’m kind of trapped.
PRODUCER: That’s no problem, we’re happy you could join us. How have you been?
IRSAY: Oh I’ve been all right. Been watching a lot of the Winter Olympics. Some of the skiing, some of the skating. Puts ideas in my head, you know what I mean?
PRODUCER: Oh, good. So that means you’ve had a chance to think of a topic for today?
IRSAY: I sure have – today’s “topic” is snow and ice. I’m looking to recreate my own little P.F. Chang Olympics here, you catch my drift?
PRODUCER: I sure do. You’re looking for songs about winter, cold temperatures, that sort of thing.
IRSAY: What? No, no, you’ve got it all wrong. What I’m saying is I’m trying to arrange for a delivery of “snow” and “ice” for my “family” to “play with”. High-quality stuff. Nothing that’s been stepped on. One pound of each should do it.
PRODUCER: I’m confused. You’re saying the topic is delivery?
IRSAY: The topic is the delivery of snow and ice, yes.
PRODUCER: You mean, like, winter storms? We’ve already done storms.
IRSAY: [losing patience] No, what I’m talking about if YOU COMING TO MY HOUSE WITH MY FUCKING, um…ICE CRYSTALS. ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING GAMES ALREADY, HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?
PRODUCER: I’m not entirely sure we’re on the same page here. This is KDFO – we’re a radio show taking requests from listeners for songs about a certain topic. We’re on the air right now.
IRSAY: Wait, what? This is being broadcast over the radio? I don’t know you. Crank caller! Crank caller!
PRODUCER: But you called us…
IRSAY: I’m hanging up now. But…before I go, can you give “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner a spin? Fuckin’ shit rocks, man.
You heard the man. Today’s topic is things that are cold. Ice, snow, Aaron Hernandez’s corpse, etc. Post your youtube links in the comments (no embed codes or anything needed, just the links) Have at it!
Haven’t listened to Husker Du in a bit. Let’s change that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpLXhssTD8o
Styrofoam Boots/It’s All Nice on Ice, Alright – Modest Mouse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li30NxCsJ7w
You know those DOUBLE SHOTS that are like, DOUBLE DOUBLE SHOTS?
(cause of the album title, see)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIgXWQUY-sw
I recommend listening to this one really, really loudly.
Trapped under Ice – Metallica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=455-CIgc7co
LOUD DOUBLE SHOT
Stone Cold Crazy – Metallica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3IrqmsC2rY
Put this one in the chamber during lunch but forgot to fire it off ’til now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmt2mgmrSUw
RIKKI: [waking up this morning] I am NOT going to spend my day reading about stupid political crap…
ROBERT MUELLER: We’ll see about that.
Yeah, a lot to unpack. Seems like this might be to keep the pardons at bay (unindicted co-conspirators like Trump can’t pardon someone in the same crime or something). Either way, not gonna get much work done for a bit (like every Friday).
Also, he can’t claim there’s no evidence that Russia interfered in the election when there are Russian nationals under indictment for exactly that. And say goodbye to any prospect of shutting the probe down. Thought imagine the shitshow that would happen if Trump tried to pardon Russian nationals.
Cake is good. So is pie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7jZs6HJJp4
Bartender, make it a DOUBLE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2VMvjtQ1io
What, it’s about ice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM
Fine, I guess we can’t do songs about snow either, can we.
Oh, Mr. Robinson, you say that it’s kosher, great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVOuRQPPdoo
Because the Beatles aren’t on youtube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUEn5ZRfmb4
Natalie Merchant would like to dance for us:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te7bbWBXusk
Ozzy? Sure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQE6MQRTfpY&feature=youtu.be
ACDC? OK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2WOeCcmzeI&feature=youtu.be
How about some Dr. Dog?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atV-wZrBDkw
Alaska’s cold, right? DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4FDy10LXTA
Sure, the Bob Dylan original is great, but I like this cover more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxupwLdpAI0
Devo : Cold War
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95xs_762eb8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sxvd8NEd_C8
And fuck it, cold in the heart counts for a Jim Croce DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l011c9rWT4I
And I am unashamed of my affinity for Jim Croce despite the resonance of Snoop Dogg’s comments (as Huggy Bear) in the Starsky and Hutch reboot
Power ballad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2AGwlQCojk
Van Morrison : Cold Wind In August
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K43337TvkdU
This one’s gonna make a for a great edition of DFO Radio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i2VukH9e50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTZ5rBCPLdU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4x84ISjNIc
One more, and it’s everyone’s favorite:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU
Welcome back! If you’re looking to piss people off, crank it up to 11:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVHJ6OwTYWc
Bruce Springsteen : Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOkQsVJV8ts
Baby, It’s Cold Outside (The Rape Song)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bbuBubZ1yE
Here’s the un-rapey version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amK4U4pCTB8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iay9gyLNdBw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wq4fc86Pm0
In the Pines – Nirvana cover
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdjGsdnUyq4
It’s Ice – Phish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1czZXbnYvI
Cold Rain and Snow – Grateful Dead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7qkbF8PbtE
Hey, my log-in still works. Cool (pun intended)!
White Stripes – In the Cold, Cold Night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evkz3hgHQyM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVvjdLon940&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpcsThJEgWM
Why yes, I think I’ll have a double of Irish whiskey,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K43337TvkdU
It is true you are a drunken Irishman, I’ll join you for the Triple shot, plus a dig at England.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMLaHEwEX7Y
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6A6opUgoEc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSYH0_YQE54
Jethro Tull Double Shot! (Tullble Shot?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOf65WuuHLk
Let’s make it a TRIPLE SHOT:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbMi5WQcuDY
Tull-a-more Deux!
Obligatory since I’m an asshole:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE&feature=youtu.be
Dammnit, I was heading to youtube to get the link to post for this, you beat me to it.
I think the message of this song is that she’s cold.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jo34VhfcetU
Double shot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frt_f0eP_Hs
Not so fun fact: This was the first song that my iPod shuffled to after I learned that my team was leaving.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG1U2KRn0RU
Not sure how you associate Clutch with the Chargers, but hey, you do you.
Damn, SonOfSpam, this Request Line is supposed to about things that are cold, not a platform for SAVAGE BURNS.
Obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8OtzJtp-EM
DOUBLE SHOT:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pu94mWlgzMY
Yay Susanna Hoffs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxrwImCJCqk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpPrQuW9Wvg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q_oh1yKmCU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Rodpj9VQfg
“I’m a little concerned about how hard Rikki is hitting this shit.” – Jim Irsay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgwJQj2E6So
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4UqE5c8G6E
“Three DOUBLE SHOTS in a row? I think maybe you better pace yourself, man.” – Aldon Smith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MmZVQXJ5tU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6bNyf8X2FE
And now for a song I actually like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAPo0EMfdLw
I don’t know if this is cool, for this request line, but…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StlMdNcvCJo
h/t Dave Chappelle and Charlie Murphy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnjbMtHH1H8
These guys are great live:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n95eekfFZZg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFvonufcz8A
Probably no easier band to DOUBLE SHOT up with than Guided By Voices, just based on sheer volume.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slMDEW4EP2A
Irsay totally calls it the PF Chang Olympics.
So did he ever get his, uh, snow?
He found a kilo that he had forgotten completely about under his couch cushions.
I really left a Mark Davis digression on the table there, though.
Let’s get this party started!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3opDirY4tU
And kick it into overdrive with a DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N66XcohirtQ