Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – AFLW Round 4

This week,

A man is confused yet again
Girls hold hands and get wet
And two ladies respect each other’s tattoos

But first,  we are now past the halfway point and things are starting to come into shape.  We have the Round 4 scores,  the new leader in the Footy Tips pool,  and a brief recap of preseason AFL. All of this and more on


AFLW Round 4

The Round started on North American Thursday Late Night with a hotly-anticipated matchup between the Katie Brennan-less Western Bulldogs against the Brianna Davey-less and Tayla Harris-less Carlton Blues.   If I told you that the Blues’ list manager (essentially the equivalent of the general manager in the NFL) resigned after this game, would that tell you anything?  Apparently, the Blues had no one like the Doggies’ Brooke Lochland on their list as she took the leadership role in Katie’s absence and kicked a record seven goals in Western’s rout of the Blues.  The 86 points were also the highest point total scored in league history.

Yeah, it was a good night for the Doggies. Here are the highlights:

The second game featured the Brisbane Lions hosting the Fremantle Dockers in the sloppy wet conditions of South Pine Sports Complex in Queensland. I would have ordinarily watched this game, but I was so tired from the week that I fell asleep during the JLT Community Series game that started at 7 Pacific and never made it to this game.  A replay watch is in order, though, as it was one of those games that are fun to watch. It was tough to get anything going as the ball was slippery and making accurate passes was almost impossible.  There was plenty of hitting though and if you don’t like sports in the rain, I don’t know what to tell you.  My fondest memories of playing sports have been of times when it’s raining like crazy.  In the end, the Lions eked out the seven point win and stay in contention for the Grand Final.

Here are the highlights:

Obviously, I also missed the Collingwood Magpies taking on the Melbourne Demons in Alice Springs.  While it was rainy and slippery in Queensland, it was blazing hot in the Northern Territory.  You know what else was blazing hot?  The Collingwood Magpies!  They finally put together four consecutive good quarters of footy and came away with a well-deserved, if not slightly surprising 37 point win over the Demons. Moana Hope played well again and my favorite Magpie, captain Stephanie Chiocci, played probably her best game of the year.   There are now no teams without a win.

I couldn’t find a highlights package,  so instead you get the lovely Brisbane Lions doing their fun social media videos:

The last game, as you may have guessed, provided the second surprise of the Round as the GWS Giants hosted the Adelaide Crows in, again, wet conditions in Sydney. As was the case with the game in Brisbane, this led to low scores and tough contests, which are still fun to watch.  In the end, the two teams split the points as no one could get a point at the end to break the tie.

Here are the highlights:

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

P TEAM W L T Pts %
1 Western Bulldogs 3 1 0 12 200.0
2 Brisbane Lions 3 1 0 12 137.7
3 Melbourne Demons 2 2 0 8 99.4
4 Fremantle Dockers 2 2 0 8 88.4
5 Carlton Blues 2 2 0 8 55.7
6 GWS Giants 1 2 1 6 89.2
7 Adelaide Crows 1 2 1 6 73.6
8 Collingwood Magpies 1 3 0 4 100.0


As you can see, we got a little separation this week.  The tie between GWS and Adelaide makes it two seasons in a row that GWS has tied a game. The men’s team tied twice last season too. Interesting…

I’m a GWS fan!


Round 5

There are three games left to decide who goes to the Grand Final! Here is next week’s schedule (all times Pacific):

Friday,  March 2, 2018

12:05 AM (Late Thursday Night) – Melbourne Demons v Brisbane Lions at Casey Fields

10:05 PM  – Fremantle Dockers v GWS Giants at Fremantle Oval

Saturday,  March 3, 2018

12:10 AM (Late Friday Night) – Adelaide Crows v Carlton Blues at Norwood Oval

7:35 PM – Collingwood Magpies v Western Bulldogs at Ted Summerton Reserve

Those are some tough matchups.  It’s gonna be a tough week in the…


Lady Footy Tipping Challenge!

How did we do this week?  Well, a couple of our tippers AGAIN managed to go without putting the tip in!  Does that mean foot fetish pic?  First, let’s see the standings:

P TIPPER Round Tips Round Margin TOTAL Tips Total Margin
1 BALLS 3 68 10 124
2 Spanky Datass 2 82 9 106
3 Litre_cola 3 62 9 116
4 nomonkeyfun 2 73 9 138
5 SonOfSpam 3 60 8 126
6 Dolph Ucker 1 102 8 154
7 Sharkbait 2 123 7 282
8 Blax 2 73 6 142
9 JolietJakeDelhomme 2 73 6 199
10 GameTimeDecision 2 85 5 199
11 BFC 2 61 3 171

Well looky here,  we have a new leader! I’m not celebrating anything yet as there are still plenty of games left and the competition is pretty tight.  Special props go to BFC who has managed a bit of a comeback after witnessing the genius that is the Blue Balls Jacket.

I should market that.  As always,




So,  remember that I said the preseason was upon us,  complete with 9 point Super Goals? Yeah, well colour me surprised when I tuned in to the first match and was told there were no more Super Goals.

Not that I’m complaining,  mind you.  I was never a fan of artificially-inflated scores.  The JLT Community Series started with four games and continues on through the middle of this week.   Yeah,  I know, it’s a weird schedule but since there hasn’t been any proper men’s footy for a while,  this is a good way to satiate the thirst.

Here are this week’s scores:

North Melbourne Kangaroos 71 – 124 Melbourne Demons

Essendon Bombers 37 – 124 Richmond Tigers

Adelaide Crows 91 – 81 Fremantle Dockers

West Coast Eagles 56 – 54 Port Adelaide Power

And here is this week’s schedule (all times Pacific):

Wednesday,  February 28, 2018

12:10 AM (Late Tuesday Night) – Carlton Blues v St. Kilda Saints at Ikon Park

Thursday, March 1, 2018

12:10 AM (Late Wednesday Night)  – GWS Giants v Collingwood Magpies at UNSW Canberra 

Friday,  March 2, 2018

7:05 PM – Western Bulldogs v Hawthorne Hawks at Mars Stadium (the candy,  not the planet)

9:35 PM – Brisbane Lions v Sydney Swans at Moreton Bay Central Sports Complex

Saturday,  March 3, 2018

9:35 PM – Gold Coast Suns v Geelong Cats at Riverway Stadium

As I mentioned last week,  the great thing about these games is that the telecast gives a nice view of what rural and suburban Australia is really like.  You’ve got professional teams playing at what is basically the city/county park where the kids play their games. That’s pretty fucking cool.


That’s all for this week.  Since the luck did not strike twice,  here is your foot fetish picture.

You’re welcome,  Rex! See you next week.



International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice fucking try with the coat; not even close, PAL.

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I got one pick right, and that’s a comeback?

Yeah, can’t really disagree with that.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Aw, my previously tidy Total Margin went all asplody. Oh well. Good week Balls!


There are ties in Aussie Footy?
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That’s news to me!


“That’s why American Football is so much better.”

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Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

tl;dr wet ladies playing with balls, with a few blows here and there.


Artist’s re-creation:
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Dolph Ucker
Dolph Ucker

Can’t stop looking