Offseason Qb Interviews – New York Edition

litre_cola

litre_cola

Loves to use the letter U behind O. Iggles fan, Fulham FC supporter. Bartend as a hobby in Canadia.
litre_cola

Just Landed at JFK, it’s time to head to the local hostel.  The Puerto Rican DFO overlords are ruthless if you have no content from the content mines. Hopefully this gives me a chance to catch some local bands while I am here.

I wonder what is up with the NYFG this time of year.  Time to head on over to the facility.

Upon arrival at Snoopy Stadium a security guard stops me to search my bags.

Jeremy Shockey: Sup bro, gotta check in the bag ya know.

Litre_Cola: Yessir. How are you doing big fella? What gives?

JS: Well boss, I ran in to some difficulties after I retired and hell I get all of the Bud Light that I can drink doin this 4 days a week, want one?

LC: Damn straight! Do you take it seriously or do you want to get stoned?

JS: You know I do! Let’s do this.

I wake up passed out in the corner of the security office. That. Was. Awesome. (In my mind Shockey is still a bro and still parties)

I’ll make my way toward the gym to see if I can talk to anyone..

LC: Hey guys how is the offseason going?

Eli Manning (pointing): STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER!

Webb (soothingly): It’s ok big fella, everything is going to be ok.

Eli : STRANGER! STRANGER! STRANGER!

Webb: It’s OK Eli, he’s a reporter. What site are you from again?

LC: Uh, hey I am from doorFliesOpen, a dickjoke NFL website. Here to talk to Eli and someone named Davis Webb.

Webb: That’s me. Let’s go sit down and have a chat.

LC: What about Eli?

Webb: Ahh, he is like a fawn, he will approach if he sees you are not a threat.

LC: Makes sense, he is rarely injured so he just avoids danger. Are you related to Katherine Webb?

from nesn.com

Webb: No. Isn’t she AJ McCarron’s wife?

LC: And don’t forget Brent Musberger’s self love fantasy!

We sit down, I see out of the corner of my eye, Eli Manning staring at us from beside a locker. He is getting closer.

LC: Did you know that Jason Bourne is actually David Webb? Yeah the books and movies are both great. You any relation to Spud Webb?

Webb: No, anything football related you want to talk about?

LC: Sure, they’re drafting a quarterback this year, how does it feel to know that management doesn’t trust you and do not see a future here where you are the starting Qb? There. Is that a better question for you Jesse Palmer?

Webb: What? Well, I don’t see it that way. It is a competition that I intend to win.

LC: You are delusional. Hey Eli, do you think Webb or the draft pick will be your backup next year?

Eli approaches timidly, grabs a chair, moves it further away, sits down.

EM: Aww, don’t get him mad at you. I hate when people yell.

Webb: Fuck you man, who the hell do you think you are?

LC: You mean like when cops stop me and I ask them if they know who I am?

Webb: You’re an asshole I know that.

EM (backing away slowly): Stop yelling please.

LC: Just saying Webb that my questions were perfectly fine. But I will continue. Why didn’t management have you play when they unfairly benched Eli Manning last year?

EM: Please stop yelling at Dragon, Mr Reporter.

LC: Excuse me. Eli could you repeat yourself? I believe that I misheard you.

Eli: I named him Dragon. (It is on his Wikipedia page)

Webb: Yeah so fuck you. Why don’t you get the hell out of here!

LC: One more. You were drafted in 2017, yet they are going to take another quarterback in 2018. How does that reflect on your chances?

Webb: You can go fuck yourself. SECURITY!!!

Eli (Scurrying away): Aaaah yellin!

JS: What do you want Puff?

Webb: Puff?

JS: Yeah that old hippie tune, Puff the Magic Dragon. Puff is way more fitting for you.

LC: Fine, I’ll leave. I have some puffing to do of my own.

JS: Ooh, I will come with!.

 

I feel that this has to be Eli’s last season and they are unsure if Davis Webb can step in should he get injured. I think that the will certainly draft a qb. Feeling has to be that they get lucky with at least one of them.

If you missed last week in Wichita click here.

litre_cola
litre_cola
A pugs best friend. Wine drinker. Loves to use the letter U behind O. Iggles fan, Fulham FC supporter. Bartend as a hobby in Canadia. One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eli: I named him Dragon.

“Cause ‘The Webslinger’ was already taken…” – Rex Grossman

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is Davis Webb not a golfer?

Don T

Guess which Caribbean spot had another island-wide blackout. Again. This week. 🤬
Unrelated: CoUla, please remit all your invoices again to process refunds. You’ll be reimbursed within the next 10-20 years.

SonOfSpam

Eli-as-a-deer is fucking great.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everybody in the va—

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Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

wish there was sound for this clip

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The only way this could have been funnier is if he would have been trapped by a door jamb….. also maybe a decapitation.

LemonJello
LemonJello

You probably could have lured Eli into the conversation sooner if you had shared your juice boxes and fruit roll-ups with him…

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Actually I think Eli has a little more of this in him:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

She looks good, but where the fuck did they get that sailor? And is he wearing a necktie?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He might already be drunk.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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