Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Hide your meat, hide your fruit, they’re grilling everything up in here!

yeah right

yeah right

yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. Loves to cook but doesn’t plate. Loves to drink but hates hangovers. Loves to read. Has no regrets.
yeah right

Good morning folks.

Hot out there isn’t it?

Man, fuck summer.

Fuck it directly in it’s ass.

If you’re a global warming truther then I don’t know how much more anecdotal proof you’re going to need to cause you to remove your head from your sweaty rectum and wake up and smell the melting asphalt.

You should go ahead and vaccinate your kids while you’re at it too.

As discussed before one of the many reasons that I live where I do is because I hate the goddamn summer. Fucking hate it. Then you start factoring in humidity and I honestly have no idea how some of you folks do it.

That shit is oppressive.

This year for some reason we’ve been getting hit with humidity too. What the fuck? Southern California has always been known for cooler drier air but not now. As I am writing this the current humidity is 87%

EIGHTY FUCKING SEVEN PERCENT!

This ain’t Cambodia! It ain’t the equator! It’s fucking L.A.! On the goddamn beach!

/turns on central air

There. That’s more like it.

As evidenced by past seasons of Sunday Gravy, when we get into the Summer doldrums I stay away from the oven, stay out the damn kitchen and we head to the grill.

There you go.

Over the next couple of episodes we are going to be experimenting with cooking entire meals, proteins, sides, and salads etc WITHOUT using our ovens. I’ve got a couple of tricks up my sleeve and we will be using more than just a grill to achieve our desired ends.

Today though? It’s all grilling all the time.

I’ve got a couple of menu ideas and you will probably recognize an item or two but there will indeed be a couple of new tricks to hopefully inspire you to keep on cooking, save your money on take out and practice some new techniques.

Ready?

Fuck yes.

If those pork chops look familiar there’s a pretty damn good reason for that. I’ve posted the recipe on here a couple of years ago.

Those are chops that have been brined and given a good rub of cumin and then thrown on the grill.

Some of you good DFO folks have even gotten to sample these before

That picture up there shows why I’m posting these a second time. I grilled some pineapple to make a pineapple serrano salsa to give the dish a solid kick in the ass.

Ever grilled fresh pineapple?

That shit is delicious. Grilling actually adds to the sweetness and it gives the requisite smoky touch to it as well. Good shit. It also works perfectly with the serranos in the salsa.

We will be working with fresh pineapple today. I don’t think those slices of pineapple from a can will have the needed structural integrity to survive a grilling session.

Prep the pineapple for cooking by trimming the outside of the pineapple and using a paring knife, remove the little bits of spine that penetrate the pineapples flesh. It should look something like this.

I’m going to have a quick digression here to give you a quick guide for kitchen tool maintenance. Notice the cutting board in that pic? If you’re a regular reader you’ve seen it many, many times. Here it is in it’s entirety.

This thing has been with me for a couple of decades and it finally shuffled off this mortal coil a couple of weeks back. The pineapple is sitting on a remnant of this board, actually about 1/3 of the entire board and this was it’s last application.

Because?

New cutting board!

This one is bamboo and is 12″ x 18″ in length.

Here’s a quick guide to treating your new cutting board prior to it’s first use.

That is a bottle of mineral oil in the photo. Are you familiar with mineral oil? Does it invoke unpleasant memories? Then you are indeed familiar with it.

Know where to find mineral oil?

At the pharmacy in the laxative section.

Hoo boy am I familiar with mineral oil. Long story from a long time ago that doesn’t need to be brought up here.

Why mineral oil instead of vegetable oil or olive oil?

Class?

Damn right. Vegetable based oils will go rancid and impart a funky taste/smell to your board.

You don’t want that do you?

Fuck that.

Take about 1/3 cup of mineral oil and apply liberally with a paper towel to your new cutting board. Get both sides and the edges too. This treats the wood and will give you less splintering down the road.

When treated it will look like this.

Let the oiled board rest for a couple of days minimum before using. This will allow the oil to permeate the wood and give you a longer lasting treatment.

/End of digression.

Where were we?

Oh yeah.

Cut the pineapple in thick slices. Think of them as pineapple steaks.

Once your grill gets hot and ready, baste the pineapple with just a quick brush of olive oil and slap that thing on the grill.

These will only need about 3-4 minutes per side depending on the heat of your grill. Midway through the cooking time rotate each slice about 90 degrees prior to turning to give them some sexy, sexy grill marks.

Repeat on the second side and you are all set.

Trim around the central core of the pineapple prior to serving.

You can eat this as is at this point but if you want to make the grilled pineapple/serrano salsa then follow along.

Fire roast one or two serrano chilies, let rest in a foil covered bowl for a couple of minutes to aid with the removal of the charred skin. Remove the seeds to cut down on the heat if so desired and chop up fine. Add about 1/2 of a finely chopped red onion along with the grilled pineapple chunks and give a nice squeeze of fresh lime over the whole thing.

Be sure to grill the pineapple before grilling your proteins. This will give ample time for the salsa to rest and mingle with the other ingredients and will also help avoid any cross-contamination on the grill.

Grill them chops next.

After the chops have been cooked through, plate them fuckers up, add a nice scoop of the grilled pineapple salsa and any additional food items and you are ready to throw the fuck down.

Check this shit out.

Add a nice macaroni salad along with a lovely grilled Nathans dog and serve alongside the pork chops and salsa and you have a holiday worthy plate of deliciousness!

Yes sir.

If you’re wondering why that photo above looks nothing like the original banner photo then you are indeed an astute observer and you’ve been paying attention.

Thank you for noticing.

Because we ain’t done yet!

Know what other non-conventional fruit veggie items we can grill?

How about some…

Watermelon!

That’s one of them mini “personal” seedless watermelons.

This time we won’t even need to peel the damn thing. Just cut this one in half,

then cut into thick slices with the rind still on, brush with a little olive oil, add seasoning if you like – I added “Essence” (obligatory link) and threw that shit on a hot and ready to go grill!

Same drill as with the pineapple. Grill for a couple of minutes, rotate 90 degrees, another couple of minutes, flip and repeat.

If you take a close look at that photo you can see tong marks on the slice on the left. Watermelon gets really tender when grilled and this can happen, so use a deft tong touch.

When the watermelon has been grilled to your liking THEN remove the rind. You can practice your knife handling deftness and see if you can cut the entire rind off in one long circular cut.

For today’s application we made a really lovely grilled watermelon salad.

Use some chunks of the cut up grilled watermelon add in some handfuls of fresh baby spinach, give a drizzle of a good quality balsamic vinegar over everything and top with some crumbles of feta cheese. Give a grind of some black pepper and maybe a sprinkling of kosher salt and serve.

The grilling gives the watermelon a nice depth of flavor that watermelon just doesn’t have on it’s own. A friend of mine asked “Where did you buy such a deep red watermelon?” That’s from the grilling too, along with the essence.

Another cool thing about it, grilled watermelon makes some sexy ass food photos.

Check this crazy shit out.

Again.

And the entire meal?

That’s some brined and grilled chicken alongside some roasted garlic chicken sausage and the watermelon salad.

Zat is ze maximum sexiness, yes?

You folks use some Hillshire Farms products don’t you? This was the first time I noticed this style and holy shit was this tasty coming off the grill.

I just gave a quick brush of Sweet Baby Ray’s original sauce over the top when grilling and served.

That fucker will be purchased again.

Don’t give me the stink eye! Homemade sausage is a future recipe!

 

So what did we accomplish here?

Complete meals with sides and every damn thing without needing to turn on the oven.

You can do this cuz this shit is really easy and elevates the fuck out of the pineapple and watermelon.

Think of new items that could use the grill treatment. Experiment. Try new things and for the love of Christ leave that goddamn stove turned OFF during the summer.

Thanks as always for reading folks.

Grill things!

PEACE!

 

 

 

yeah right
yeah right
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. Loves to cook but doesn't plate. Loves to drink but hates hangovers. Loves to read. Has no regrets.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

USA Network had an SVU marathon with Robin Williams as a manipulator who tricked someone to molest a teen followed by Luke Perry as a serial rapist. Gee, USA. that’s for that. I guess they’re saving a lost episode of SVU guest starring Mr. Rogers for primetime.

LemonJello
LemonJello

I had a better understanding of the Overwatch League that I watched yesterday than I do rugby.

Redshirt

We had the extended family over to watch it. No one had a clue what was going on with rugby.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

She’s by far the best stand up goofball comedian right now. Enjoy The Maria Bamford

scotchnaut

She ain’t a goofball. She just pretends to be.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think she is a great, intelligent goofball, that’s why I like her and her characters. One of the things she captures so well is making mean people funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I love curly hair.

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Redshirt

8-0 Steelers over Bengals. I hate with when they go for two all the time. We get it, they can’t stop you. You don’t have to run it in all the fu

Wait, that a baseball score. Well that’s a lot worse.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“CHEERS!”

-Chairs

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Right back at you, mate.”
-Floor

Redshirt

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/sports/nfl/bengals/2018/07/18/stanford-jennings-kelsey-jennings-cincinnati-bengals-super-bowl-23-kickoff-return-miami/789125002/

Local paper had a story about the most memorable Cincinnati Bengals plays for the last 50 years, and except for maybe the order (Blake’s TD vs. Cowboys in ’94 at their peak should be Top 3 and Simpson’s flip is too high) it was pretty good.

So that’s bring up a possible Sunday discussion topic: Which play(s) from your favorite teams do you find the most memorable?

Col. Duke LaCross

Just about any time Richard Dent annihilated Tony Eason and Steve Grogan in XX. And Hester running back the opening kickoff of XLI was pretty much the last happy moment I’ve had as a Bears fan.

Gratliff

Being a proper 30-something male sports fan by watching the global premiere of Attack on Titan S3 on a Sunday afternoon

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Memories are lighting the corner of my mind.”

-Joe Delaney

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did anyone else notice how perfectly on-axis that golf ball was on Molinari’s final putt? If he wins this thing Titleist needs to turn that into an ad.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Did you say “axis”?
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scotchnaut

“Misshun Complished?”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Trying to remember if “He who smelt it dealt it” or “Smeller’s the feller” is the law of the land.

Redshirt

“Don’t mess with Texas”. I think that’s the reason why we invaded Iraq while leaving the job unfinished in Afghanistan.

Redshirt

In retrospect, Bush 43 may be seen by historians in a different light when compared to the current tyranny. Nothing wrong with being a “nice guy who’s in over his head”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Two never ending wars are fine.

Redshirt

Yeah, I’ll grant you that. Afghanistan was forced on them but if his father’s buddies didn’t have such a hard-on for Iraq, maybe things would be better.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty mild statement for criminal activity, which figures.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Why was everyone -6 yesterday, but +1 today? Did they switch the entire course?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Wind

scotchnaut

True Fact: As a kid Ray Liotta cheered for the Vikings because he thought they were called ‘The Purple Pimple Eaters’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

News Beat: NFLN reporting Tony Sparano dead at age 56.

When reached for comment Tony Sparano’s Football had the following statement: “…”

scotchnaut

“Yet another example of an ex-Dolphins head coach that passes away. You can’t explain that.”

-Bill O’Reilly

LemonJello
LemonJello

NFLN has Saints – Vikings on now. 7+ minutes left in the 4th Qtr…

scotchnaut

“What’s the over/under?”

-Hippo

scotchnaut

I haven’t seen so many guys hit Poles since the Russian mafia moved into Gdansk.

scotchnaut

Xander said ‘shit’ on live TV. I had no idea that golfers knew bad words.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

They don’t all live clean like Tiger.

Fronkenshteen

Can’t watch golf when Woods is playing. Is he still winning?

scotchnaut

Much like Aaron Hernandez shortly before his death, Tiger is in the process of tying.

scotchnaut

‘Schauffele’ sounds like a word that Julia Childs would use to describe a specific French cooking technique.

After you take it off the heat, using a wooden spatula you’ll need to rotate the potatoes clock-wise while singing Serge Gainsborough. That’s the only way you can get a proper Schauffele.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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scotchnaut

Garrett Morris was so underrated…

scotchnaut

Pet abuse ad during my British Open? No thank you! I’m definitely not going to abuse my dog, Sarah.

scotchnaut

You’d think there’d be a surfeit of Saudi golfers who excel in sand traps in the same way that Kenyans dominate the marathon.*

*ironclad analogy

LemonJello
LemonJello

FunFact: “Sand Trap” is what Saudis call the Thai ladyboys imported for entertainment, AND, the dumping grounds for their bodies outside Riyadh.

scotchnaut

[pushes glasses up nose]

Why would they import known ladyboys and then be surprised? I give this joke premise 2/10-would not bang.

LemonJello
LemonJello

/cleans meerschaum pipe while looking down nose

They aren’t surprised; they got what they ordered. But if the property…I mean, women found out, they’d be demanding things like rights, self determination and equal protection under the law.

/blows bubbles out of pipe

scotchnaut

[adjusts codpiece]

Be serious. Until very recently Saudi women didn’t have that kind of drive.

LemonJello
LemonJello

/Flourishes sabre in elaborate salute

“Hey look! I have a sword!”

/cuts own ear

scotchnaut

[takes off headphones]

“I’m here if you need me.”

-Q-Tip

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Could you imagine having Phil Mickelson as a neighbor? I bet he’d bitch about every little thing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You’re overlooking the constant betting opportunities. Hippo would be in seventh heaven.

Gratliff

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This Open is bananacakes now.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Have the participants started launching shots at each other? No? Then let’s be a little more careful throwing around the good name of Bananacakes.

/adjusts monocle
//trips over cat

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Tough, but fair.

Gratliff

Catching up on Red vs. Blue because my humor hasn’t evolved since I was 18.
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen a tiger go down this fast since my last safari hunting trip.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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scotchnaut

“Tiger settles for a 6.”

I’ll take, ‘Describe Woods’ marital infidelities that resulted in his divorce’, for $800, Alex.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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scotchnaut

So, it was the Principal Plump in the locker room with the Allen key.

scotchnaut

[Tiger is in the rough, thinks to self]

Why doesn’t this hole shave regularly?

herodotus450
herodotus450

I leave for 5 minutes and now Jewel is winning hte British Open?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

She’s opened up quite a gap

scotchnaut

She’s certainly changed her tune since this came out.

scotchnaut

You’ll wanna sit down for this-Fiona Apple is leading the Tour de France.

scotchnaut

Jewel has only 15 minutes to put all the pieces together. Her purchasing an Ikea table set was a plot twist I did not see coming!

scotchnaut

You could drive an engorged penis through Jewel’s thigh gap.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Well, you said she fixed her teeth.

scotchnaut

4 out of 5 dentists would plow the bejeezuz out of her.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

A short list of who is NOT winning this Open:
Sebastian Vettel
Francisco Molinari
Tiger Woods
Jordan Spieth

scotchnaut

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nailed it!

-Blair Walsh

scotchnaut

Tiger is prowling up the leader board.

scotchnaut

“Ah, bunker shots. That takes me back.”

-Gertrude Traudl Junge

scotchnaut

Wow! Molinari was just poured into those golf slacks!

scotchnaut

Hostess: “I hope you guys like chicken salad.”

And then-BANG! Right to commercial. What a cliff-hanger!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How can you see a guy named Xander Shaffefflelleffe and not root for him?

scotchnaut

I’d falafel not doing so.

scotchnaut

Dare I watch Concrete Evidence: A Fixer-Upper Movie? Sure, why not? Hey! Jewel got her teeth fixed!

scotchnaut

Here’s anudder in the series

scotchnaut

What do golf announcers and deaf people have in common?

Both have a tendency to say, “Spieth Up!”

scotchnaut

[ball is 3 inches from the cup]

Bro in the stands: “I’d tap that! Get it, Dude? Up Top!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice to see Matt Leinart keeping himself busy, at least.

scotchnaut

I heard a few rumors along the line that Fleetwood is doing well.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Gonna be a Landslide victory, I heard.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[approvingly bites into Big Mac]

– Andy Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…needs to settle.”

– announcer at the Open Championship

OR

– dating consultant for Kellen Clemens?

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Bored. So I’m watching the Jaguras-Stillers playoff game on NFLN.

/Hopes this isn’t the alternate ending version

scotchnaut

Is Ben still a big, chunky dope?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You spelled “rapey” wrong.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also “rapist”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And also “gray-penised”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t mean to give you such a hard time, scotchnaut, but your spelling really needs improvement.

scotchnaut

I only spell properly Monday through Fryday, when it counts.

scotchnaut

Have the groundskeepers ever given a thought to maybe, I don’t know, watering the freakin’ grass?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is anyone else watching the Open Tiger Open Championship Open Woods Woods?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Is there anyone in particular playing in it?

scotchnaut

I can barely see the forest for the Woods.

herodotus450
herodotus450

If Tiger falls in the standings but no one is watching, does it make a sound?

scotchnaut

I think the sound it makes goes something like this-

“Oh hey, Tiger! My shift ends at 4. See you then.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Heh heh, hide your meat…” – Brett Favre

Wakezilla

Grilling watermelon? I never thought of that before. I’ll give that a try soon.

scotchnaut

So…you’re, you’re going to show us…how the sausage gets made?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Next, he’ll be promising trips to the fireworks factory.

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